Sunday, 26 August 2007

Vegan Crisis

- by Beanz

Yesterday, TJam went to the newish health food place which has lots of weird, I mean alternative food for vegans. TJam saw some Rum and Coconut Ice Cream in the freezer section and she bought it.

TJam sat out on the decking and ate some of the ice cream. She said it was delicious and reminded her of something, but she couldn't put her finger on what. Must have been some distant childhood memory. In any case, she had Rum and Coconut Ice Cream for vegans and that was just too good to be true.

So, today, TJam had some more of that icecream. As she sat there she said, "Mmm Mini milks. This tastes like a bit like mini milks."

"I wonder what was in mini milks that is in this vegan icecream" she said.

So she looked at the ingredients.

Know what the secret ingredient was? MILK. 50% full fat milk. With added skimmed milk powder and some egg. No wonder it tasted so darned milky.

She thought about milk sloshing around in a cow's mammary glands, and getting squirted out of a cow's nipples. She asked herself why it is less disgusting to drink cow's milk than human milk, and why we don't have a human section in the supermarket refrigerator. She quickly reminded herself that the vomit reflex is controlled by the brain and not the stomach, so she needed to sort her brain out and FAST. So she did.

Turns out she imagined the "dairy free" label on the packet, and Rum and Coconut ice cream for vegans is, actually, too good to be true.

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