Welcome to Bin-raiders of the lost (B)ark.
We are Beanz and Carlsberg, a dog and a cat living in The Tip with our humans. We tip a nod to our loyal contributor and friend Chips, who will live on in our memories for her spectacular adventures.
We are all superb rescue animals of Heinz variety, enjoying our 2nd chance to the full.
Beanz likes sunbathing and chasing rabbits, while Carlsberg prefers mushroom pate on toast.
No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees).
When TJam went to Crufts, she was looking for a collar for me. I am a longish, biggish dog but with a thinnish neck (not scraggy or puny you understand, just slender). So if I get a collar that is wide enough to not strangulate me if I should forget myself and pull forward, it is a good 6 inches too baggy and prone to falling off if I drop my head down.
So at Crufts, TJam was discussing this with the snugglepets people and they have made me a collar nice and wide for substantial dogs, but they have made it short like for small dogs and now I have A COLLAR THAT FITS. Here I am admiring it. They made it specially and posted it out to me today. I will take it for its virgin run tomorrow morning. Yay!
In other, not such good news, the wellies that TJam got at Crufts have already cracked big holes in themselves. We will have to propose TJam to run a wellie testing project and all the companies can give her free samples. These were the worst ever, breaking after only 10 days. A record.
We were deserted again last Friday and TJam and her sister FlipTop went to Crufts. Yes, they went without us dogs. We are not peddy gree enough. So we spent the day at Pin's house. We love Pin so it was ok.
When TJam and FT got to Crufts, they stood for a little while being overstimulated and shouting, "We don't know where to start! We don't know where to start!". Then they started shopping.
They went and had a look at some dogs. These are well behaved dogs that sit in their stalls until it is their turn to go in the ring. See?
TJ and FT watched the agility. Here is the course. It was very exciting apparently. I would have loved to do that course. Chips and I would both have loved to visit the hamburger stand. Maybe in another life...
At last Blogger is playing ball again and we can upload photos. Hooray.
A couple of weeks ago, TJam went down to London. She deserted us and went to London. Bamgee's sister came to look after us, so at least there was an up side.
So, it was the night of the high winds (the high winds before the high winds we are experienceing again now).
A train had derailed so TJam arrived at her 11am meeting at 12.30pm. She had a good day in London, met her parents for tea and then got the only train out of Euston that day.
The humans sat for 2 hours outside a station while the engineers did their paperwork. Then they changed train but there were no seats and they ended up in the corridor, which the ticket inspector renamed the vestibule.
True British spirit emerged with the cry, "Polo anyone?", followed by the sharing of polos, sour balls, gummy bears and refreshers. Once the humans had all swapped stories of what they were doing in London, where they were going, and they had laughed about travelling economy class, they all started taking photos of each other. The party was split up when seats became available and TJam arrived home at half past one in the morning. We were very glad to see her. She was very glad to be home, and pleased that the train company is obliged to get you to your station one way or another, even if that involves coach or taxi. Hooray. and hooray for all the people who turned the journey into a fun-fest.
Can you spot the difference between these two pictures?
Yes, the one on the right shows a gaping empty space where my gold citizen rosette should be. It has been removed in disgrace. If Chips had had one in the first place, hers would have been gone too.
The ribbon is down in recognition of the fact that someone left a whole cooked chicken in the woods and Chips and I ate it. All of it apart from a thigh bone and a couple of ribs which we didn't have time for before we were located and stopped in our tracks. well we didn't know (or care) that cooked chicken bones are dangerous and it was, after all, delicious.
I'm not sure what I can do to earn the rosette back but I'm too busy enjoying my full belly to think about it really. After all it's only a rosette. It's not like you can eat it. And we've survived the night with no ill efffects. All's well that ends well.
I am now the queen of the castle. I was never scared of the cat tree, it's just that I decide when I'm ready to go up it, and noone else. Now I'm ready. Plus TJam has been putting my meals up on the top so I didn't really have a choice.
I admit it is quite fun and I can scratch my claws all the way up the ceiling.
There were some Chips' hairs on the top level so TJam left the video camera on while she was out, but it was a false alarm and there was no dog climbing of the cat tree. Disappointing I know.
I have made a breakthrough and gone in the tunnel for the first time. I am a sucker for a piece of tissue paper.
Last night we learned off the TV that biodegradable plastic bags only biodegrade if they are processed in industrial composters because they need to reach high temperatures to break down.
If this is correct, then it is a waste of money and intention to buy biodegradable poo bags because if they go into the normal rubbish, the plastic is as bad as any other plastic.
Does anyone know if this is right?
This is not much of a comedy post, that's the truth. We might start a campaign to bury the poo, not bag it. Remove a clump of turf, push poop into hole and replace clump. It would be a lot kinder to the environment, but would we get fined?
Last week, a parcel arrived at The Tip. TJam was very excited about it. She opened it up and it was something to put together. She thought I needed something to entertain me now I cannot roam the fields and dodge cars, foxes, dogs and next door's cat.
I jumped on the instructions and tore them. Don't want TJam having things too easy now, do we.
Can you guess what it is yet?
The instructions did not say that the structure should be assembled in its eventual dwelling place, because once built, it is too big to move ever again. We will never use the washing machine again as there is no longer space to open the door. TJam wanted the biggest one she could find but they all look a LOT smaller on the internet. Ladies and gentleman, I give you....
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CAT TREE!
The reason there is not a picture of me on it is because it is big and new. Just look at it from my point of view. It goes right up to the ceiling. Plus it is clean. But most importantly of all, TJam wants me to go on it.
We are posting this tribute from Jane in memory of her lovely Floss.
For our beautiful Floss, our special little girl.
You were feisty for a little old lady, but you had such a gentle soul. We’ll forever miss your uncompromising affection, your infectious passion for life, and your special gift for knowing just when we needed a cuddle. In the sunset of your life, I hope we made you as happy, warm and contented as you could ever be. You’ll always be our special little girl and we’ll always miss you.
I am in the doghouse for prancing about like an idiot and willfully running 10 paces in front of TJam so she couldn't catch me. I am in the doghouse for enjoying myself. I don't know why TJam is annoyed. I was just scavenging and sniffing around some people's gardens. She didn't have to come back and look for me. If she had held her nerve whilst hiding behind the tree to try and make me feel lost and scared, she could have stayed where she was.
It is 6.16pm and I haven't had my tea yet. Doesn't TJam know, if the punishment isn't delivered within 3 seconds of the crime, I don't know what I am being punished for? She seems to be pleased with herself though. She'll cave in soon, once she's got it out of her system.
For a while there, What is it Wednesday was looking shaky as TJam bravely took on the mighty Norovirus and lived to tell the tale. (Thank you to Bamgee for walking us on Sunday. You're fab!)Then a combination of The Vicar of Dibley and this morning's weather provided the perfect scenario.
- by Carlsberg Next door's cat is getting cheeky. She is walking on my fence. I have been growling at her but she torments me. I am the cat up on the shed. The one with the good looking behind. My nemesis is the blobby one on the fence. Pah. Her legs are even shorter than mine.
Excuse the dirty window that really shows up. TJam didn't have time to clean it before she took the photo. Or bring the 2 socks in off the washing line.
477- by Chips (Carlsberg! Go and type 477 on your own posts and leave mine alone)
Tonight is a bit sad because I had my last dog training lesson. Just in case TJam was going to rose colour tint how good I was, I made sure to get up during the down stay. I let TJam get 95% of the way round the room and just as she said, "Oh my goodness, I'm going to get all the way round for the first time EVER!" I got up. Don't want her getting above herself.
I did, however, do my first ever straight sit at heel. First and last.
TJam was a bit sad to finish but she also wants me to do some different things so I can get confident going to different places. She is going to take me on a train. 7////// (Carlsberg! Did I type all over your post? No I did not. Go and play in your paper bag.)
I would like to say thank you to Gail my teacher and Karen, Derek and Chris who are the other bosses (except Chris always used to call me and distract me and laugh when I got in trouble). I hope I can go back and see them but not have to do any work. And I hope we see the other dogs and owners in the park. And I hope they will leave me a message on this blog by clicking on "comments" and then typing something.
In the old days, I used to love getting on next door's roof and teasing my nemesis. She was not allowed out much and sat in the window, boxing the glass to get at me.
I laughed in a silent, cat kind of way.
Heh.
Heh.
Heh.
How the tables have turned since my confinement. I spent a good 15 minutes perched on my shed in eye to eye combat today.
Ok so I may not be a gold citizen and I may never be a gold citizen, but I am funny and I am now a competition winner! Click on this link to see how hiliarious I am and what a good sense of humour I have! Ha ha ha. Best not go there if you have recently had surgery. I don't want to be responsible for any burst stitches now...
Tjam has come stomping home today. When I questioned her, she described a scene from her post office (that is a place humans go to post letters and such like). She had been posting a parcel, when a senior citizen of a man came in (although, as you will see, not a bronze, silver or gold senior citizen). He made some small talk and got onto the subject of his passport application. I will now outline the exchange and give my commentary. Ahem:
Man: "They're slow in this post office (said in a joking way to indicate friendliness with PO staff). How long did my passport take?! They made me do my photo again." - Dr Beanz says: What, the post office rejected his photo for a bit of post office sport? Surely not!"
Man: "Yes, they made me take my glasses off! And my wife was half smiling and you're not allowed to show your teeth, so they made her do hers again." Dr Beanz says, "Ah now I'm begining to see where this is going. You are abdicating responsibility and blaming the post office for a consequence of your own making."
Man: "Blackies would have no problem though. They put you straight through if you're a blackie!" Dr Beanz says, "Woah, I didn't see that coming. Hold on while I shake myself down and analyse this. Well sir, maybe "blackies" read the passport application instructions and do it right the first time."
Today is our gotcha day. It is 6 years since TJam learnt why people say you should never get two dogs at the same time. 6 years since she learnt the wisdom in not just turning up at the dogs' home with the intention of getting, "2 black dogs". 6 years to ponder why someone would put a 5 month old puppy in the home because it was too boisterous. 6 years to wonder how anyone managed to actually dump me, Chips, the GPS/velcro dog, and get away from me long enough for me to become stray.
And so it was, that fateful night 6 years ago, that TJam drove home with her two black dogs in the boot of her Nissan Micra (parcel shelf removed), and that I had to stand in a pool of Beanz's carsickness and a little diarrhea to boot.
She brought us into the house. Beanz was a lot cuter than I remember actually:
and although she was very energetic, she got tired easily.
I came into the house and jumped straight into my cardboard box bed and tackled a raw hide chew.
I was already grown up so there are no cute or embarrassing puppy pictures of me. I also had a new collar that I had not had a chance to decorate with fox poo yet.
Those first couple of days, we didn't know that Beanz would soon be seeing the sea for the first time, and being not very impressed with it:
We didn't know that she would like sand:
It was a few days before I raided my first bag of dog food (although I did manage an entire, 5 days worth saucepan of chick pea curry while TJam had nipped to the loo during the "simmer gently" phase).
And TJam was blissfully unaware that I was soon to jump through our 7x3 foot window (since reinforced) and prance up and down the main road into town until the farmer managed to catch me and call the police so they could go and get TJam from work so she could take me to the vet and I could have 7 staples and remove 4 of them myself by the time TJam had paid for my treatment.
TJam also didn't know that the window would be outsize and need ordering, so our house would be boarded up for 3 days.
Nope, at that time, we were just two bewildered dogs, getting to know our new home. I established my place at the top of the food chain quickly of course, while Beanz was still smaller than me. Imagine. She was the small one!
And that night (in the days when people still had video cassettes as you can see. You may need to google "video cassettes". They were like audio casettes but.... you've never heard of an audio cassette? floppy disc? oh never mind), we cuddled up together and got into the new vibe.
Happy gotcha day to us and I wonder if TJam will make us a special tea to celebrate.
Now that TJam has YouTubed the TV programme you had to guess, it would seem she has remembered it completely wrongly and there is very little train trackage involved in the real thing.
Listening to the music did bring a tear to her eye and she resolved to track down the series on DVD. (Obsessive? TJam?)
So, we urge you to do better than we did at your first attempt and we share with you the closing credits so you can get the whole moving-on feel and perhaps understand where the traintrack misunderstanding came from.
If you are TJam's mum, aunt or technophobic friend, you might not know what this is about. Chips, Carlsberg and I are new to "the blogging community" but from what we see, loads of people read each others' blogs and make friends. Sometimes they do the modern equivalent of parlour games: they set each other challenges or projects which are fun and building of the community spirit.
Now that we have forayed into this new dimension, TJam hopes it is not too early for us to set a project.* Traditionally it seems to be linked to a day of the week. We were going for film friday but it is only Wednesday and we couldn't wait that long. Besides which, this Friday is special to us for another reason and there won't be room to fit a film in as well (brace yourself). Alternatively, we might just not link it to any day at all.
The challenge is this: Recreate a film or tv programme of your choice in a film or photo and other people have to guess what it is.
This is our first attempt, inspired by my backside and the railway line**
If you were not around in the late 70s, early 80s, you might not get it. If you were, sing along and do the chorus accapelo.
* If it is too early and we have created a blogging faux pas, I'm sure the blogging police will put us right. We respond best to positive reinforcement officer.
** NB this is a model railway line and the trains do not run at this time of year. No dog was harmed or endangered during the making of this video.
PS Join in! We are not going to tag anyone, join in when you feel the urge.
Tonight we went to the vet for our assessments to be PAT dogs. Beanz was a model citizen of course but I was a bit nervous. In my defence, I was mainly nervous because they did it AT THE VET. That would be the place where I get an injection every time I visit and a thermometer stuck up my bum at the very least. For all I knew they were going to put me to sleep and whip something out. Or worse, put me on a diet.
Anyway, I put up with most things but I wasn't what you would call enthusiastic. Still, the important thing is we have tried. If it's not for me, it's not for me. Next we have to send off out passport photos. Ha ha. I wonder if TJam will take us into a photobooth.
My word to the wise is this: If you make pancakes, don't use flour that has been in a plastic container for over 12 months. Apart from the veavels (extra protein), the plastic gives the pancakes a horrible taste and spoils the whole flipping and tasting experience. No amount of cheese and jam, sugar and lemon or ice cream and chocolate sauce can hide it. TJam had to give up on her 3rd one once she had exhaused all the options. She will go shopping and try again tomorrow. If you have a dog, I recommend you let them have a taste. Not like here. We weren't even allowed in the kitchen.
I am going to accept this award on behalf of Chips and Carlsberg because I am the one who likes to think. It is a great honour to be given this award by Graham, Prince and Tilly Too especially because I have only just met them (virtually of course. You should never meet internet people in real life if you haven't even met them on the internet yet).
It is the thinking blogger award.
Here is some evidence, should you need it, that we are very thoughtful. Here I am, doing my most thinking face, pondering by the light of a pumpkin's grin...
Here are the rules attached to the Thinking Blogger Award:
1. You must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think. (No squirrel or cat blogs, they'll just make you hungry.)
2. Acknowledge and link to this post.
3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.
4. Tell your humans to fork over the treats!
Now, passing it on is a hard one because I know that Marvin has already had a thinking award, and I just gave a best friend one to Mack and the SUMDs, so I will choose the following:
Randi: because I like his blog and I think about him and his brother.
Finding Beau: we have discussed this a lot in our house. It is such a long time ago and yet we still want Beau to come home... we think a lot about this and lost dogs in general.
Alan Martin: This is his personal blog, and I hope the link to his video (below) works. Not only does he challenge TJam to think about her attitude to so many things, situations and people, but he is also has an amazing talent of putting everybody (and we mean EVERYBODY, even TEENAGERS) at their ease nd joining in in no time at all. Not bad for anyone, before mentioning that Alan couldn't say a word until he was 31 and his friends clubbed together to get him his first communication aid. Now he is a self employed dancer, actor and activist, volunteer, role model and working full out to help others fulfil their potential. He makes us think what communication is about in its fullest form. Respect.
Steve Don't Eat It! This page pleases the dogs and humans in this household. Chips and I are in awe. TJam laughs a lot and gags a lot. Wholesome fun for the whole family. Well, for those who enjoy the odd swear word anyway.
Badger That! We liked this blog because everyone had spy names (although they weren't called spy names, just not real names) and because it was the blog that inspired us to put more photos on our own pages. Read Badgers award winning post of the week.
Ok, so that is 5 links and now for a photo that should make YOU think. How comes I am so much bigger that Bamgee? I could EAT her! hahahaha.
TJam - hand over the treats. We're award winners now you know. I'll have a tripe stick to start, and Chips will take a Kong stuffed with cat food. In fact, make that two....
Although the photography is not very good (blame my staff), here is a good doggy illustration of the mathmatical concept of inverse proportionality. The size of the bottles collected on this walk are inversely proportional to the size of the dog that collected it (but proportional to their position within the hierarchy). Meouw. Now open my pouch of duck in gravy.
Ooo I do feel much better today. I have wolfed down breakfast, dinner and tea and had a chew stick besides. I tried to persuade TJam that I needed some chips and mushy peas but she was having none of it. Meany.
TJam has been on the phone today to a Co Aww Dinator. She has put my and Beanz's name down to do Pets and Therapy (PAT). That would mean we could go and visit people who aren't allowed to have pets, like people in nursing homes or hospices.
We have to be assessed first. I should think they don't want irreverant happenings to let the charity name down. Or for us to do anything too unexpected on a cardiac ward. We have to take a form to the vet on Friday. That is the first step.
At first, TJam thought I shouldn't mention it in case we don't pass the assessment, but I said, since we have already aired all our dirty laundry in public, we have nothing to lose and at least we will raise the profile of PAT animals. Then TJam reminded me that we do still have a couple of stories (and photos) saved up for a rainy day. It is our gotcha day soon so maybe we will get to air them then.
Carlsberg has not put her name down. Although maybe she should because she is a lot of fun and she has got a lot more friendly since she lived at home. Even if her claws are a lot sharper and need clipping again. Maybe we will get her a harness. She is hours of fun, especially now she has discovered catnip. I will ask her to tell you all about it one day.
We have had a busy weekend. We went to Madchenster (that's its spy name) and when we went for a walk this morning, my park was completely flooded! You can see the little bridge over the stream is almost completely under water. I had a good paddle and splash around, but Chips has not been feeling herself so she just had a little drink. We couldn't walk across the park (I did try but TJam's new wellies sprung a leak and Chips didn't want to) so we went a different way. We found a funny bench with a monster thing at the end. I had a good old bark at it at first but once TJam had balanced a couple of treats on its nose, I didn't mind it so much. I don't really like fake animal model things. Chips was not bothered and she got on the bench and admired the intricate carvings until I was ready to pose.
Chips was feeling a bit better this morning. On Friday she didn't eat her lunch or her tea. That is the first time she has ever been actually poorly (and not in some kind of accident or escapade, too numerous to name here). So even though she is no stranger to the vet's it was odd that we didn't know what was wrong with her. The only time she has ever refused food was when she had secretly eaten half a bag of dried dog food. No one knew so they thought she might have bloat and TJam had to fork out £56 after hours vet care.
Anyway, this time, she had a high temperature so she got some antibiotics and painkillers. They did her good Saturday and Sunday morning, but this evening she didn't eat a chew stick so we are watching her again. She is feeling sorry for herself. I am being good and not getting jealous of her. TJam says I have had my fair share of medical emergencies and I am not to a) catch anything and b) fake anything for the attention. No danger there. I do not want to miss my walk in case they have had a party at the rugby club over the weekend and there is some hoovering up to do. Monday morning is hoovering morning.
Sleep it off Chips. I miss you boxing me and biting my neck when I am trying to nibble your face. It is boring when you just turn away sadly.
1. If you roll in fox poo, make sure you have just been frontlined (other flea prevention products are available). Then you can't be bathed because it will wash off £5 worth of chemicals.
2. If you are a human and you find out that your supermarket Brand Oven Bottom Muffins are vegan, don't get too excited. They are not the same muffins of your childhood, they are in fact, bread rolls. You can buy some raspberry jam specially, but that will only fool you part way. Bread is bread and muffins are muffins.
- by Chips It has been so rainy and horrible that I am cheering myself up with a little remembering of last year's camping trip, when I got time to read my magazine with Bamgee (that's her spy name) out in the sun. Sun. If I think really hard about it I can just about remember what it is like. In this picture, Bamgee is helping me with some of the longer words.
- by Carlsberg I have had a few little jaunts out the back and had a good scratch of the shed thing. Then I had a little sit on the chair. Then I came in. It's cold out there.
Rain. I am not impressed. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of rain but I don't like still being wet indoors. I am quite bored of the whole rain thing. I don't like wearing a coat cos I can't sit down in it. It feels funny.
I have been prompted to add that we are lucky here and at least we are not flooded. I am a dog. That kind of meta-appreciativeness thing is for humans to be grateful about. (I am glad to be in a warm house though). And TJam is feeling for all those on flood alert.
PS Rain, don't bother coming back for another day any day soon.
The enclosure is up and done! but I haven't got a photo yet. I nipped out briefly a couple of times but it is FREEZING out there, especially since my fur hasn't fully grown back since my surgery. Plus I haven't been out for 6 weeks (apart from my brief break for freedom on Tuesday when I made it half way down the garden before getting overwhelmed and allowing myself to be caught and brought back in) so it's all a bit much for me.
In the meantime, while I was building up my strength, I noticed TJam had left the lid off the dog food. I had a taste, and then a bit more of a taste. It is actually very nice. And there's just so much of it!
- by Chips There has been a lot of Back Porch Activity today. At first I went out to watch but it was a bit cold so I left TJam's dad out there, doing his thing.
Now that Carlsberg has had two life-threatening abscesses (and numerous other kinds), her wanderings are being curtailed. The humans have begun fencing in the porch, as a temporary measure until we can secure the garden. Then we can have the back door open again, and Carls can get some fresh air. Her stinking litter tray will be better off out there aswell.
Work went on until after dark. This is a serious project.
If I am feeling gangsta, I will pretend that it is a cage to stop drunks throwing bottles at us. Or maybe that it is bulletproof. Then we can sit outside and look well 'ard.
- by Chips TJam's parents arrived last night and this morning, we went to the reservoir. It was a bit grey but still very beautiful. Here is TJam's mum, whose spy name hasn't been decided yet. She can always get my attention by putting her hands in her pockets. In fact Beanz and I love anyone who puts their hands in their pockets.
I have to thank the great Father Christmas for this great present...
...that has made my fourth "Spot the Cat" feature possible:
(TJam has asked me to add that the house is now looking a lot tidier now that she has finished tidying it with an hour in hand until her parents arrive...)
- by Beanz Ok, so I am not a professional bin-raider. Not in the Chips league. But if Chips and TJam go out and leave me alone with a bin, then this is what they will get. It may only be a pile of rubbish, but it's my pile and it's my rubbish.
- by Beanz Well, today is a First. I have been given a Best Friends award by Marvin! He is my new online friend. I liked him because he looks like me (or I look like him). Now I like him because he his funny and friendly and kind.
Thank you Marvin. I am honoured!
In other news (because I am not allowed to get bigheaded), TJam is frantically cleaning the house. Her parents are coming to stay this weekend. We have yet to give them spy names. The possibilities are endless but TJam doesn't want to be excommunicated.
By the way, if you want a spy name for use in this blog, leave a comment for what you would like to be known as.
- by Carlsberg In the (fading) spirit of Christmas, I would like to re-launch my "Spot the Cat" feature. Here is my 12th night offering. See if you can spot me.
It has been a cold start to the year and I managed a walk on the pond. I couldn't stop sniffing it. It was very exciting.
We have been overhauling the blog too. No more human postings. It's animal only. And we are giving pseudonyms to all our human friends to avoid identity fraud. And because it's much more exciting and gangsta that way.
TJam (as she will now be known) would have liked to be a spy, if she had been clever enough. Unfortunately she is not. Well, fortunately for us, because otherwise she would be off, saving the world, when there are more important things closer to home, like feeding US.
Anyway, at the risk of repeating myself, happy new year to everyone.
(And kudos to all of us who managed to sleep in the humans' bedroom on the pretext of being scared of New Year Fireworks. Worked like a charm)
No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees). 
We didn't know that she would like sand:
