Calling the RSPCA

- by Chips

TJ is making me go out for a before-bedtime-wee. It's cold out there! Call the RSPCA. Tell them i'm not fed enough and I have to go out in the cold. Tell them I have to work for all my treats. That is downright taking advantage. Tell them I can only get on the settee and dig up the cushions when no one is in the house and TJ has forgotten to put the guitar on the seat to stop me. My life is misery I tells you! MISERY!

That memory stick has turned up, but so has a shipload of work, chores and deadlines. I'm neglected I tells you!

Pathetic

- by Carlsberg

The amount of blogging going on is pathetic. This is because TJam has lost the things for getting photos from her phone onto the computer. She has a memory stick and a wire but she can't find either.

Bravo.

Bed

- by Beanz

The bed is here! It is lovely and luxury and soft and fluffy. Unfortunately, I don't get a look in until Chips decides to let me. Here she is giving it its virgin voyage into the land of nod. See how CLEAN it is. Thank you Dogs Today and Rosewood pets. We heart you!

Happy 21st Fliptop

- by Chips

Last weekend it was TJ's sister, Fliptop's 21st. We all went down to help her celebrate. Beanz made the most of the big garden and sunbathed all day.

In the meantime, I watch Bamgee wrap up the Champagne. This is only for humans. It makes them smile and give dogs more treats than usual.

The humans held their glasses aloft and celebrated the journey from this:

to this:

Happy 21st Fliptop!

Mid-life Crisis

- by Beanz While TJam was at work, I had a go at being an Andrex* puppy. I look disappointed in this picture because I have just realised that I am
a) not yellow
b) not a labrador
b) not a puppy any more

I stand zero chance of being the face of Andrex.
My life is just passing me by.




* Other toilet tissues are available.

Heeling (most of the time)

- by Beanz

Today I have been mostly walking to heel and not getting lost.

Oh, apart from when we went past this field.

As TJ admired the scenery and took a photo (those are ponies in the field), I jumped the 2 foot wall which was a 6 foot drop on the other side. Knew my agility training would come in handy. Chips followed behind me, but TJ couldn't get in because of the barbed wire. So she went round the perimeter fence to find a way in where she would be able to get out again. Well, she got in ok but when she tried to lift Chips out she got stuck. Don't worry, she only got a small stab in the hand off the fence and her tenanus is up to date. In the end she had to give us a leg up over a wall and into the farmer's garden, then make a jump for it herself and run out via the farmer's drive. I don't think putting her hand over her face was much of a disguise but it was the best she could think of and hopefully nobody saw us.

Then I went back to heel and stayed there all day.

Note to Self

- by Beanz

I found this this evening:

The day started well. TJam got an email from Dogs Today to say she had won the photo caption competition, and the best thing? (apart from the fame and fortune obviously) is that the prize is a dog bed! Now, since the old beanbag went a bit smelly, TJam resurrected Jump's old beanbag inner, which was great for a staffie/jack russelly thing, but not so enormous for a collie cross. I don't mind that I am sleeping in a dead dog's bed but I do kind of hang over the edge. TJ has been looking for beds so this is really a blessing.
This evening, I got properly lost. Like 10 real minutes, TJ-feeling-cold-and-sick lost. Not nipping-into-the-bushes-for-a-sneaky-scavenge lost. I was a bit nervous of a man with his 3 dogs. Next thing, I just got freaked out and started running and running. Next thing, I couldn't find Chips and TJ anywhere! I was running around and around. I could hear them calling but I was so freaked out I couldn't use my ears or super-scenting nose. TJam was looking for me and Chips used the opportunity to sniff out and eat a chicken or cooked lamb or something (TJ couldn't see what it was but Chips is feeling rough now and looking like a barrel - serves her right TJam says).

So eventually the man caught me and put me on his lead and ran back to where he could hear TJ calling. I was so relieved to see everyone I just sat and looked at them and looked at them some more.

With all TJ reads on Doglost and all the posters she puts up for other dogs and the 3 that have been stolen round here recently, TJ didn't know if she would get me back. I am nice and friendly after all. So the moral of the story is that there are really nice and kind people in the world. People that will run themselves out of breath for a dog and then won't give their address so you can give them some beer to say thank you.

Now the fire is lit. I am laying on my tiny beanbag and all is well.

And not boring.

Letting the Cat into the Bag

Dear Bamgee

Thank you very much for my present. I love my new bag very much indeed.

Love from
Carlsberg
x

Unusual Sight

- by Chips


Today, TJ saw an unusual sight in someone's garden. Cool huh?

In other news, I am feeling completely better :)

Dog Sick

- by Chips

The clue to this post's topic is in the title. There are no photos. The feint of heart and emetophobes turn back now. Dog owners continue. You are bound to be used to this kind of talk.

Personally, I prefer to vomit in a corner or at the very least up next to a wall. Beanz is much more indiscriminate. I don't like to do the deed on anything. I prefer bare floor.

You can add more after-vom entertainment by puking behind a door (lots of screaming, especially if it is behind the front door and your owner has just taken their shoes off, plus lots of huffing, puffing and swearing as your human has to clean under the door). Other recommended places are: next to ceiling to floor curtains (high absorbancy) and on windowsill (high late discovery factor, so the opportunity to return and admire your scene of crime before it is cleared away).

So, this morning, I had used all my favourite spots, and because I have been feeling a little bit poorly sick and I'd tried to manage some breakfast, I felt the urge come over me as I was saying goodbye to TJam as she left for work.

I made that "got to get it up" squelchy noise and TJ tried to get a towel between the corner of the windowsill and her work bag. Obviously, I will not be sick on something so I jumped onto the dog crate and then, my piece de resistance, I threw up WHILE I WAS JUMPING OFF THE CRATE! It was spectacular. TJam watched in awe and gave me 10/10 for artistic interpretation.

A little bit went on TJam's brother's Christmas present but she wiped it off and we don't think he will notice.

I am feeling much better now but I am starving and I was only allowed a spoonful of food. I will sit and watch TJ all evening until she feels guilty and gives me a bit more.

Posh Recycling

- by Beanz

At first TJ thought we had a new cash machine. But no. It is bigger than that.

You see, we don't just have any old "sort your recycling into green glass, brown glass and plastic" any more. Oh no! We now have a hole-in-the-wall, top-of-the-range, put-your-items-into-the-hole-one-by-one-and-watch-the-screen-while-it-analyses-your-rubbish-and-tells-you-whether-it-is-metal,-plastic-or-glass facilities. If you go too fast it even tells you one-item-at-a-time before the rubbish is taken away inside the machine and you hear it being smashed and compacted.

I am sure they have calculated that the energy used to light, analyse, automatically sort and generally power the Recycling Centre is less than the old fashioned way. It is certainly more fun.

So Far So Good

- by Beanz

So far so good - the wellies are holding out nicely. Forgive me if I don't look all that impressed.

Columbo Marathon

- by Carlsberg

Today the dogs and human went to the local reservoir. TJ even managed to get a half decent picture of Beanz not looking dopey.

The dogs had a lovely time playing and running and splashing and being doggie. Not my kind of thing so I stayed home and made sure the central heating stayed on.

I have missed everyone though, so I took every opportunity to sit on TJ's knees. I stepped on Chips once but she snapped teeth which I think means she doesn't like me to sit on her.

Today was Columbo marathon. A whole day of Columbos. Does it get any better? Sitting on your human (with body warmer) surrounded by dogs, fire on and Columbo as far as the eye can see. Heaven.
Purr.

Lunch Out

-by Chips

Well the humans deserted us again at lunch time. They went to the all you can eat buffet at the Chinese. I'm sure Beanz and I would have got more value for money if WE had been allowed all we could eat. TJ managed a pathetic 3 plates of food plus fruit salad. Mmmmmmmm ..... Chinese......

That little baby cousin of TJ's was there. He enjoyed the Chinese food and he charmed the staff and got a look around the kitchen to meet the chef. Too bad I didn't meet him. I would have liked to investigate his pelican bib.

This evening we drove back to The Tip. TJ is now officially mature. How do I know? Because she made a bag of chocolate limes last all the journey down and all the journey back. That is the sign of a mature person. Carlsberg was pleased to see us and she didn't even try to pretend otherwise. We were glad to see her too. A feeder with a timer on is no substitute for your homies.

Party Time for Humans

- by Beanz

Well, we have travelled to Capital City once again to visit TJ's parents and littermates. It was her brother's birthday. He had a cake. Well, he had three quarters of a cake as his parents had eaten a quarter of it the night before.


Then we went for a walk and it snowed!! Yay!

In the evening, the humans went to a party. They left us dogs in the hall. Can you believe it?! We would have made excellent entertainment at a party with nibbles and beer.

It was TJ's cousin's 40th and there was hilarity and cake. TJ smelt of beer when she came home but she says she dzidzn't have mutsch. Happy birthday to cousin EJ

Brrrrrrr

- by Chips

As luck would have it, TJ saw some great wellies in the gadget shop for a bargain price of £5. She got 2 pairs, some denim-look and some red tartan. She mustn't show the red tartan ones to her dad or she will never live it down. The hunt goes on for some plain, comfortable, durable wellies with a good grip. If you know of any, leave a comment.

Anyway, TJ was so excited about the find that she took a photo. (Humour her). Then we set off for our walk. It was beautiful. I went off scavenging and rolling, and the next thing I knew, I was in the canal! It wasn't solid, it was rubbish with water underneath! When TJ looked back, she could see my very worried face and my two paws on the side.

I'm sure the smirk was a smirk of concern. She was going to take a photo of me in the water before she rescued me, but a horse-rider and a cyclist were passing by and she didn't want them to think she was cruel. So she hauled me out (that is what neck scruffs are perfect for) made me pose, soaking wet, shocked and not a little bit cold. It looks like a 1970s picture but that's due to camera shake. TJ was not laughing. It was guffaws of concern for my well-being.

Brrrrrr

Delivery for Beanz

- by Beanz

No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees).

When TJam went to Crufts, she was looking for a collar for me. I am a longish, biggish dog but with a thinnish neck (not scraggy or puny you understand, just slender). So if I get a collar that is wide enough to not strangulate me if I should forget myself and pull forward, it is a good 6 inches too baggy and prone to falling off if I drop my head down.

So at Crufts, TJam was discussing this with the snugglepets people and they have made me a collar nice and wide for substantial dogs, but they have made it short like for small dogs and now I have A COLLAR THAT FITS. Here I am admiring it. They made it specially and posted it out to me today. I will take it for its virgin run tomorrow morning. Yay!

In other, not such good news, the wellies that TJam got at Crufts have already cracked big holes in themselves. We will have to propose TJam to run a wellie testing project and all the companies can give her free samples. These were the worst ever, breaking after only 10 days. A record.

We Can Dream

We were deserted again last Friday and TJam and her sister FlipTop went to Crufts. Yes, they went without us dogs. We are not peddy gree enough. So we spent the day at Pin's house. We love Pin so it was ok.

When TJam and FT got to Crufts, they stood for a little while being overstimulated and shouting, "We don't know where to start! We don't know where to start!". Then they started shopping.

They went and had a look at some dogs. These are well behaved dogs that sit in their stalls until it is their turn to go in the ring. See?

TJ and FT watched the agility. Here is the course. It was very exciting apparently. I would have loved to do that course. Chips and I would both have loved to visit the hamburger stand. Maybe in another life...

Travel

At last Blogger is playing ball again and we can upload photos. Hooray.

A couple of weeks ago, TJam went down to London. She deserted us and went to London. Bamgee's sister came to look after us, so at least there was an up side.

So, it was the night of the high winds (the high winds before the high winds we are experienceing again now).

A train had derailed so TJam arrived at her 11am meeting at 12.30pm. She had a good day in London, met her parents for tea and then got the only train out of Euston that day.

The humans sat for 2 hours outside a station while the engineers did their paperwork. Then they changed train but there were no seats and they ended up in the corridor, which the ticket inspector renamed the vestibule.

True British spirit emerged with the cry, "Polo anyone?", followed by the sharing of polos, sour balls, gummy bears and refreshers. Once the humans had all swapped stories of what they were doing in London, where they were going, and they had laughed about travelling economy class, they all started taking photos of each other. The party was split up when seats became available and TJam arrived home at half past one in the morning. We were very glad to see her. She was very glad to be home, and pleased that the train company is obliged to get you to your station one way or another, even if that involves coach or taxi. Hooray. and hooray for all the people who turned the journey into a fun-fest.

Spot the Difference

Can you spot the difference between these two pictures?

Yes, the one on the right shows a gaping empty space where my gold citizen rosette should be. It has been removed in disgrace. If Chips had had one in the first place, hers would have been gone too.

The ribbon is down in recognition of the fact that someone left a whole cooked chicken in the woods and Chips and I ate it. All of it apart from a thigh bone and a couple of ribs which we didn't have time for before we were located and stopped in our tracks. well we didn't know (or care) that cooked chicken bones are dangerous and it was, after all, delicious.

I'm not sure what I can do to earn the rosette back but I'm too busy enjoying my full belly to think about it really. After all it's only a rosette. It's not like you can eat it. And we've survived the night with no ill efffects. All's well that ends well.