Saturday 22 April 2006

Bronze Citizen

Well this is something no one ever thought they'd see. Yes, your eyes do serve you correctly. That is a photo of Beanz wearing her Bronze Good Citizen Rosette. She earned it today at her exam. TJam was more nervous than when she did her human exams for goodness sake. But Beanz was cool as a cucumber and even managed a little sleep while she was waiting to do her "controlled walk though a door". The fact that she had been charging round the park for 2 hours beforehand had nothing to do with it. She was very well behaved and we are very proud of her.

7pm: looks like Beanz used up all her Bronze Citizen behaviour at her bronze citizen exam. Tjam's mother was right when she told us pride comes before a fall. She (Beanz, not TJam's mother) has barked at a jogger, 3 horses, 3 boys playing in the stream, 2 girls walking down a path and one unknown monster. That will stop TJam getting above herself. Beanz: profilaxis for arrogance. I guess profilaxis is one of those words TJam can say but has no idea how to spell. That and trayps. Ok ok, there are a few.

Wednesday 19 April 2006

BB for Noisette

Today our new friend Noisette came for the afternoon. She said us dogs were on urr BB. That's "best behaviour" for the uninitiated. Which, of course, makes TJam out to be a liar when she tells terrible tales, but she'd rather be a liar with BB dogs, than telling the truth about the ASBO brigade, especially when new friends are concerned.

It puts me in mind of a time when TJam was making a new friend, Thistle, and we went to the beach for the first time. Beanz went behind some public toilets and ate something that I can't tell you here, suffice to say someone mustn't have had their 5p to hand. About 10 minutes from home TJam tried to casually disguise a terrible smell by opening the window, but there was no diguising this smell. Beanz had puked up her treasure down the side of the back seat of the new car (with our new friend in).

Anyway, end hazy memory sequence and back to the present day. Noisette came for a walk with us and it was all very nice. Note to TJam: don't try to cook when new friends come to tea. Or at least, make sure you have some form of ingredients in the house before they arrive, or they will be obliged to smile and say, "yum" when eating some mushrooms, kidney beans and a green pepper.

Monday 17 April 2006

Authentic Cat Treats

When Father Christmas delivered a nice little red box of ocean bites for Carlsberg, we were pleased for her. TJam didn't realise she would be handing over REAL LIFE WHOLE FISH with their googley little eyes looking up at her. Even Carlsberg did a double take before she ate it. And that is the cat that eats a whole mouse or bird without a second thought. Don't get me wrong, TJam doesn't believe in dressing meat up so it doesn't look like meat. If you're gonna eat it, at least eat it for what it is. It was just a shock for her to have 20 pairs of eyes staring at her while she opened the packet. Next time she will brace myself. And be glad she is vegan.

Wednesday 5 April 2006

More on Ducks and Rabbits

The plot thickens. The duck plot that it. When Bamgee went swimming this morning, the duck bodies were gone. Someone with greater plucking knowledge clearly had the same idea. Following a day of mourning (I'm not exaggerating), TJam met the farmer and told him about the ducks.

"Oh no!" he said, "The duck is in my barn sitting on 6 eggs. She's been there all day." When we looked onto the big puddle on the marsh, low and behold, there were two ducks! Here is the evidence. Are they Mr and Mrs Duck? Or Mr and Mrs Duck II?

Meanwhile, this evening, TJam was just planning for an early night when the cat flap went, Carlsberg chirped, and a baby rabbit shot across the kitchen. TJam sighed and shook her head. The rabbit went under the bureau. TJam made a path of boxes towards the open door (we stoked up the fire, it was freezing) but the poor rabbit wasn't going anywhere. TJam missed the end of Monk. She put on her gardening gloves and eventually worked up the courage to slide the rabbit out and catch it. It was wriggly so she had to let it go in the garden. It has the night to recover and TJam will see if a mercy mission is called for in the morning. It is now 22:31 and TJam is finally going to bed.

There is good news on the allotment front but you'll have to read about that another day. Now we must all go to bed.

Tuesday 4 April 2006

Mr and Mrs Duck

Here, there should be a photo of two adorable ducks who have set up home in the flooded marsh that is next to our house. We have seen them twice a day for two weeks, and they haven't been phased by the fact that the dogs have been distracted by handfulls of duck and rice dog food that we got in a free sample (nor do they seem to have been worried about the irony of it all).

Instead of a photo, there is now empty space. Mr and Mrs Duck must have wandered onto the main road and are now together in ducky heaven. TJam and Bamgee are both gutted. Of course TJam is a sucker for any animal but the depth of Bamgee's reaction has come of something a surprise. We must be winning her over.

TJam couldn't help thinking it was a waste for two such fine specimins to lay on the highway and get flatter and flatter and she did think about experimenting with a raw food diet for the dogs for a couple of days. The plan only went on hold when TJam realised she would have to do some kind of plucking, and that, should another couple of ducks set up home there next year, that she might have a harder time convincing us dogs that dried duck and rice kibble are better than the real thing.