Beanz aka Fenton

If you have seen the footage of Fenton the (handsome) dog chasing deer in Richmond Park, you probably fall into one of two camps. The "haha that is hilarious - been there, done that" camp, and the "how terrible, how can you laugh about that" camp.

TJam falls into the former. Not because she doesn't think it is terrible to let a dog chase deer, but because she recognises that, even with the best will in the world, things go wrong sometimes. She felt for that owner. And because sometimes, if all's well that ends well, then you have to laugh or you'll cry.

And so, I would like to tell you about my fabulous Saturday. As you know, I am partial to chasing, and so I have to stay on my lead when I walk past sheep fields and the like. I am not that fussed about actually catching anything, I just like the thrill of the chase. I am not a killer or anything. I have proved that on several occasions.

When I went flying into the woods on my walk, TJam thought I was after squirrels.

(Can you see where this is going?)

It was only when a flock of about 8 delicious sheep came charging out of the woods, that TJam realised the real reason for my delight. I couldn't hear TJam shouting "come here" (the polite version). I was in the zone. It's not every day sheep get out of their field and into my woods.

Sadly for me, but luckily for TJam and the sheep, some passers by shouted and waved their stick at me. It was ok by me, I'd had my fun. I turned round and bounded joyfully towards TJam to see how excited she would be at my glorious find.

Not as excited as I had hoped, as it turned out.

A jogger ran by and said he wished he'd been filming. TJam didn't find that very funny either.

I have been told to tell you that all the sheep ran off and appeared in good health.

Christmas Presents

(Do not read while eating)

While TJam was out Christmas shopping for everyone else, I started to feel guilty that Beanz, Chips and I hadn't really organised anything special for our human.

So, after much deliberation, for TJam's Christmas entertainment and present,

I used this bag to open this cupboard and do a stirling bin raiding job...

... and then I did a cartoon style, post-bin raiding poo.

Perfect.

What human could want for more?

3 Artistic Ducks

Some people have 3 artistic ducks to decorate their house.

TJam doesn't, so I made her the next best thing.

Lines

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

I must not stick my head out the catflap and bark at 3:11am

Second Wind

All was quiet for a little while until Chips got her second wind and decided to see how far down into a can of catfood a dog tongue could reach...

but somehow, I got caught in the photo and somehow I had a guilty looking face, when clearly only Chips is capable of jumping up onto the kitchen unit.

Then, TJam found a half empty box of mushrooms, and Chips licking her lips.

And TJam was shaking her head at dogs getting their second, bin raiding wind at the ripe old age of 10 (Chips is 10 you know!)...

when she saw this. A chest print the size of a 22kg collie cross - as individual as a finger print - up against the kitchen unit. Since Chips makes a clean spring onto any height, and I just go up on my back legs, I was clearly busted.

I know when I'm beaten your honour.

Busy Weekend

We have had an excellent weekend camping.

We met up with TJam's old friend Cazza. She is in a similar league in the "leave it where you drop it" stakes...

Us dogs were especially happy when Cazza said we should sleep in the middle of the tent, with the humans on the outside, so that everyone could cuddle us! Imagine that!! (TJam says to notice her halo in this picture)

The humans went to the chip shop for their starter, and then to the curry house for their actual dinner.

They didn't take any pans along, so they couldn't heat up the left overs for breakfast. I hoped we might be in with a chance to help, but they just ate it cold.

Then we went for a very long walk, all day long.

We were exhausted when we got back, truth be told. However, today we made up for it. I broke the catflap and Chips ate a punnet of tomatoes and weed on the kitchen floor. Result.

Alive!

Today I was going to blog all about my recent holidays.

But I fell in the canal.

The funny side of it was my comedy loss of footing, trying to grab onto the concrete bank and slipping back with a plop.

The less funny side was that it was a 2 foot drop and we recently found a dead fox floating there, so you can imagine it is not all that easy to get out.

TJam to the rescue, who hauled my sorry self out by the scruff of my neck.

But now I don't feel so much like blogging. (Plus TJam needed to cook her tea so I couldn't get on the computer unsupervised.) For now I am drying out in my bed. Normal service will be resumed shortly. Like tomorrow or something.

It Wasn't Me

TJam's good friend's son had a birthday and TJam was a bit late in getting his present sorted, much less posted. But she did get something and did wrap it, and things were looking very positive.

TJam went out for an evening, and when she came home, she saw this on the floor:

I can't quite believe it, but as I lay innocently on my bed, TJam seemed to get the idea into her head that I had something to do with that mess on the floor...

and then I realised, I had been set up!

... and someone seems to think I was somehow responsible for this destruction!

Professional

Putting the bin in the cupboard under the sink means nothing to me!

NOTHING!

Cats and Mountain Goats

The great thing about cats is our stealth, agility and sure footedness.

We can get anywhere, navigating round obstacles and ornaments with our nifty footwork, like Ginger Rogers...

Ooops. How did that get there?

Nothing to do with me...

Technicality

It was the floor that broke the plate, and not me. I just happened to push it off the counter.

I plead not guilty on a technicality Your Honour.

Not My Week

- by Beanz

It has not really been my last couple of weeks. First I had this thing I get every couple of months. I think it is a lick granuloma, or it could become one. Or something. I have some cream for it but it does my head in. I can't stop licking it. Then I get, "Who's LICKING?" and I have to leave it alone til no one is looking.


Then, last night, I was irritated by something. TJam had a feel at my chest, in case I had a tick or similar. Brace yourself if you are squeamish. In fact, don't read on.

Still with me?

Yeah, TJam had a feel at my chest and her finger popped right into a hole in my chest! yuck.
So today, it was down to the vet where I lay down nicely on the floor to show him my wound. I got up to lick him, and he hoiked me onto the table and wrestled me flat! What was going on?! The receptionist held my legs, TJam held my head and I huffed and puffed but I knew when I was beaten. I zoned well out of there. The vet flushed and stapled my wound. 5 Staples and he ran out half way through and had to go for more :(

I zoned back in when I got off the table and was WELL pleased to get out of there.

I am not allowed to do any more than "potter" for 10 days. No walks :(
Plus I have The Lampshade. (Actually I quite like The Lampshade)


It is very peaceful here inside my lampshade. See you when I get out...

Temporarily Forgetting Yourself

- by Beanz

This morning I was innocently lying on my bed and TJam was making a call to the bank, on behalf of a (hitherto) reputable organisation. TJam got her diary to check something and put it on the windowsill.

Chips thought she heard a noise outside and forgot temporarily that she is not allowed to jump on the windowsill. Such activity is forbidden since Chips jumped clean through the window in 2002 and the police had to ring TJam at work for her to come and get her dogs off the main road.

Anyway, the automated person on the phone announced that the call would be recorded when TJam (also temporarily) forgot herself and shouted, "Get of my F***ing diary you stupid dog" as Chips put her muddy paw all over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and ripped the page right out and skidded it up the ledge.

The call wasn't taken for another 90 seconds, so we are hoping the recording also didn't start until 90 seconds after the incident. If she heard anything, the operator didn't let on. TJam got stuff sorted with the bank.

TJam did take a comedy photo of the diary for evidence, but it had confidential information on it so I can't post it. I will leave it to your imagination.

PS I am not pointing the finger at others in this post because I have done so so very wrong that I am creating a diversion.
PPS Besides which, we have not told the person concerned about what I did so we can't publish it til we have sorted it out face to face with the wronged party.
PPPS Yes, this does mean that we might owe YOU an apology. If TJam phones you in the next few days, you should probably worry.

Caught Short

- by Chips

If you are ever caught short in the night, might I suggest that an excellent place to wee is on top of your human's laptop bag? Especially if that laptop bag belongs to work.

Of course, you should only try this if you have excellent balance and aim.

It goes down especially well if your human has left out a towel for you to wee on but you leave that towel bone dry.

PS, there was no laptop in the bag at the time and even if their had been, there would have been no damage done as the bag is fully waterproof. We have the proof and utterly endorse this make of bag.

TJam's Bad Hair Day

- by Chips

Oh dear. Perhaps TJam should have put her "cheer you up in the morning lamp" to warp 21 this morning.

I know I didn't make it any better but I just couldn't resist going through the bins at the rugby club. Neither could Beanz. She performed a perfect version of her famous "Stand-until-TJam-turns-a-corner-then-run-for-it" move. It's all in the critical distance. Tjam was only saying the other day that she fancied trying CaniX, so I don't know why she was so furious.

And what other choice did we have when we got back from our walk but to shake? If TJam had only left the clean washing in the machine for a week til it went mouldy like she usually does, this would never have happened:

It's not that TJam is anal or annoyed or anything, but she had to go for a 2nd close up, just in case you were in any doubt:

Once it's on the bed she'll never notice.

Job Done

- by Carlsberg

Today I jumped on the keyboard and stood for a long time on the delete button so the whole of TJam's inbox was wiped out.

Then I pretended I didn't know what was going on and acted indignant when TJam pushed me off the keys.

That should keep her busy for a while.

Sesame Street

- by TJam

This post is brought to you by the letters W H A T T H E B L O O M I N G H E C K I S G O I N G O and N, and by the number 7.

7 possible titles for this post from TJam's point of view:
1. Bad things happen in 3s
2. Too ashamed to tell you what I did
3. Chocolate
4. I don't know how I'm going to make the last couple of days sound funny
5. Beanz and the Lamb Shank
6. Sorry I was late (I was cleaning up dog sick)
7. You know you're going to be mentioned on this blog when TJam asks you what you want your spy name to be


7 possible titles for this post from Chips's point of view:
1. Mmmm chocolate
2. Mmmm activated charcoal
3. Why did you leave out so little?
4. All's well that ends well
5. Grrr I can't believe Beanz got to the lamb shank first
6. Sorry about the sick in the cupboard under the stairs
7. I'm fine. Will you stop looking at me?

7 possible titles for this post from Beanz's point of view:
1. I must remember to jump up on the kitchen counter in the middle of the night
2. My Lamb Shank
3. My sprint across the field
4. Foiled by the 2 human pincer move expertly executed by TJam and B1B2 (that's her spy name)
5. How to remember where things are and go back to look for them
6. Please don't buy a remote spray collar
7. Well, if you ever think that you have got things under control, of course a dog will have to put you in your place

Possible photos to illustrate this post:

Remember this?

Ah yes, activated charcoal.

Hello old friend.

When I downloaded my photos, I found this one of the sky 2 weeks ago. See
how blue it was that one day.

Lucky we had a meat eating frient with us to identify the booty.

See, we can leave it if we have to. Wait... why are you putting that in the bin?

WAIIIIITTTTTT!

PS Good luck B2

Punishment or consequence?

- by Chips

TJam is always trying to get her head round the difference between consequence and punishment.

Consequence is what happens because I do something naughty.

Punishment is when something bad happens because I did something naughty.

Anyway, today I forgot myself and barked at another dog in the street. I was eyeballing the dog for maximum pleasure and watched it as it walked behind me.

TJam did NOT tell me there was a lamppost coming up.


I leave the rest to your imagination. Dignity was not involved.

BLAM

I was stunned. I forgot about the dog. I carried on walking.

TJam chuckled in a You've Been Framed kind of way and said, "Serves you right!" in a not very nice kind of way.

So the next time I saw a dog, know what I did? I barked right at it. I resolve only to respond to positive reinforcement from now on.

Cut to the Quick

- by Beanz

And no, I am not talking about me being offended by people pointing out my grey silvery bits on my chest and chin.

I mean that TJam was clipping my claws and she actually did cut my quick. I made sure there was plenty of blood so she would feel suitably ashamed. It hurt a bit at the time, but I was well enough to eat a chew and let her clip my other claws.

Here I am, milking my audience. Chips tried to get in on the act with her, "I'm so cute, look at me lifting my injured paw" routine.
But surely no one is going to fall for that.

Great Start

-by TJam

With a start to the day like this, things can only get better...