Two Reasons to be Happy 2007

- by TJam

1. When my trolley (and 2 packs of laminate flooring) rolled away of its own accord in the DIY shop's car park, it did not get very far before I noticed and it did not hit the oncoming car.

2. Someone invented the "hold down" button and automatic cut-off device on the electric saw. So, when I fell off the workbench whilst operating said electric saw, I didn't cut my own hand or leg off. I just swore and bent the blade, so I think I got off very lightly.

Two Secrets about Squirrels

- by Beanz

1. Squirrels have a turbo gear. If you touch one that is already running fast, it will switch to warp speed.

2. Squirrels can fly. I know because we saw it today. I ran into a bush after a squirrel and it FLEW out of the bush. TJam thought it was a bird, it was that impressive. Then it realised that it was being watched and it went back on the ground again.

Two Reasons to be Sad - 1975

- by Chips

While us dogs lie under piles of junk that TJam is trying to sort out, we happened across this piece of literary and philosophical genius from December 1974.

Translation: There are two reasons to be sad. From TJam.
One is that I have hurt my toe
The next thing that I am sad that I am not having kippers. From TJam.

Seems that TJam didn't look on the bright side in those days. The concerned few amongst you will be glad to know that her toe has healed and that she is now happy not to eat kippers (mostly, although she does miss that smokey, kippery taste on a Sunday evening...)

Vegan Crisis

- by Beanz

Yesterday, TJam went to the newish health food place which has lots of weird, I mean alternative food for vegans. TJam saw some Rum and Coconut Ice Cream in the freezer section and she bought it.

TJam sat out on the decking and ate some of the ice cream. She said it was delicious and reminded her of something, but she couldn't put her finger on what. Must have been some distant childhood memory. In any case, she had Rum and Coconut Ice Cream for vegans and that was just too good to be true.

So, today, TJam had some more of that icecream. As she sat there she said, "Mmm Mini milks. This tastes like a bit like mini milks."

"I wonder what was in mini milks that is in this vegan icecream" she said.

So she looked at the ingredients.

Know what the secret ingredient was? MILK. 50% full fat milk. With added skimmed milk powder and some egg. No wonder it tasted so darned milky.

She thought about milk sloshing around in a cow's mammary glands, and getting squirted out of a cow's nipples. She asked herself why it is less disgusting to drink cow's milk than human milk, and why we don't have a human section in the supermarket refrigerator. She quickly reminded herself that the vomit reflex is controlled by the brain and not the stomach, so she needed to sort her brain out and FAST. So she did.

Turns out she imagined the "dairy free" label on the packet, and Rum and Coconut ice cream for vegans is, actually, too good to be true.

Heaven - by Chips

In today's spirit of photography, I submit my piece.

Gratuitous Photography

It's not that I haven't got anything else to do, just that I get distracted. I like to think of it as following every lead. Anyway, I was searching a subscription to Dogs Today magazine and I had a look at their referal stats (in an un-geek-like way) and saw an interesting blog name, which took me into to the hitherto unexplored blogoshpere. And the blog with the interesting name turned out to be pretty inspirational in many ways, and the reason everyone now has spy names and not their real names on this blog, but today's way in which it inspired me is photography. That is, people taking photos because they are interesting or beautiful, and not just to tell a story.

So, today's theme is photography. I clutched my Canon Powershot A520 and off we went for our morning walk. Here are the results. If you are a photography expert and these are rubbish, be so kind as to not tell me please. Thank you.

Chips in fern

I even managed a half decent pic of Beanz.

If you count looking like the Joker out of Batman as half decent.

Will she never learn?

- by Carlsberg

When I pull my best "I'm Not Interested" face, why does TJam insist on getting out my toy on a string and dangling it in front of me? Why does she think she is going to tempt me into a game when I am clearly Not In the Mood? Why does she pull that silly, optomistic face that says, "come on Carlsberg, you know you want to really"? I know what I want, and it isn't that.

It's pathetic.

And it is not the first time.

I'm going upstairs to eat my tea.

Cola Cubes

Is it the cola that makes your mouth hurt, or the cube shape?

Birthday Butter

- by TJam

Well, actually it is Birthday Margarine but that would have spoilt the alliteration. Mrs Hockley would be proud of me.

Today it is happy birthday to my margarine whose best before date was 23.08.06. On 23.08.07 it was as good as new, and made a very nice breakfast.

This momentous occassion nearly didn't happen as the blissfullty unaware Bamgee made garlic butter about 2 weeks ago. Luckily I wrestled the last scrapings from her and saved them for this happy day. (The garlic bread was very nice, incidentally.)

Auntie TJam

- by TJam
I'm a great auntie! Yup, here are my sister's cat's kittens. I'm so proud.

Holidays - day 5

End of holidays.

Best overhead quote of the week: "YOU'VE SUCCEEDED IN TURNING FRISBY INTO A CONTACT SPORT"

Worst idea for a snack: BALTI POPCORN AND POPPADOMS (MILDLY SPICED CURRIED POPCORN & ROASTED POPPADOM MIX - READY TO EAT)

Worst thought to have between the hours of 10pm and 8am: I NEED A WEE

Worst photo:

Holidays - day 4

- by TJam

It was so sunny today that we didn't manage to leave the campsite. Instead, we stayed and watched a party of 100 people arrive. We made our own entertainment by giving everyone their own identifier. Then we watched people get stuck in the mud.

There was:

Mr Rugby and Mrs 2 Kettles (and kids, including Little Jay Rugby)
Mrs "I've already found some DOG POO" (said in a loud voice, pointing in our (innocent) direction)

Mrs "What have you brought all that beer for" and Mr "Ignore any comments about beer"
Mr Punto
Mr "Got Towed" and Mrs "I'll wait on you hand and foot then shall I?"

In the evening we had a fire and a BBQ and watched the stars appear in the sky. Quite spectacular.

Holidays - day 3

- by TJam

Look at this beautiful view where I walk the dogs each morning. Best campsite ever.

NB that is BLUE SKY you can see in the background.

Holidays - day 2

-by Chips

This morning, we had a little rain. Here is Bamgee ringing out our bed.

A group of 5 families arrived on our field so TJam let us dogs bark as much as we liked and they pitched on the opposite side of the field. We sat and watched while they all got stuck in the mud and had to get towed out. You make your own entertainment when you're camping.

We have been told that, being at the base of Snowdon, the campsite has its own weather system. It is sunny 10 minutes down the road. TJam asked if it is ever sunny here when it is raining ten minutes down the road, but they wouldn't answer.

Holidays - day 1

- by Beanz

Today we set off on our holidays. Here I am at the campsite, surveying our beautiful view.

The reason you don't see many people is because they had just had 4 days of torrential rain. The wardens post the weather forecast in the toilet block everyday. It reads, "torrential rain and localised flooding". We always pick a good week for the weather.



If you click on this picture to enlarge it, you will see some mysterious pawprints up the side of the tent. I can't imagine how they got there.

Spam - the Prediction

Everyone in this house is going camping next week. Fine. I can fend for myself and I DO NOT need people to come and check on me. I will tolerate those that TJam asks to visit. I suppose I might eat the food they give me. I reserve my right not to purr if I am feeling particularly abandoned. Although I might concede if they are extra nice. and if I am here.

Meanwhile, TJam is taking bets on how much spam will be in her inbox after a week.

Inauguration

- by Chips Today I went for a walk with Bailey and Scamp and their guardians, Pin and Huddersfield Town. Then we went and celebrated the new decking. TJam admired the decking and us dogs sat on it. I did not bite Bailey or Scamp so TJam is very pleased with me. You can call that my contribution to the celebrations. No one else knows what an achievement this is. I came close a couple of times but I held back. You can see Bailey's bum in this photo. Beanz is not in it because she was on the lawn, too scared to come on the decking because Scamp was sitting on the stairs. She is such a wimp. The humans are calling this evening an inorgration of the decking. or something like that. They drank sparkling wine that they pretended was Champagne. The cork flew right over the top of the house. We hope it didn't hit a car. They lit some candles and talked fast and loud and laughed a lot. Then it rained so we had to come in and then we had to walk home.