Welcome to Bin-raiders of the lost (B)ark.
We are Beanz and Carlsberg, a dog and a cat living in The Tip with our humans. We tip a nod to our loyal contributor and friend Chips, who will live on in our memories for her spectacular adventures.
We are all superb rescue animals of Heinz variety, enjoying our 2nd chance to the full.
Beanz likes sunbathing and chasing rabbits, while Carlsberg prefers mushroom pate on toast.
Friday, 31 August 2007
Two Reasons to be Happy 2007
1. When my trolley (and 2 packs of laminate flooring) rolled away of its own accord in the DIY shop's car park, it did not get very far before I noticed and it did not hit the oncoming car.
2. Someone invented the "hold down" button and automatic cut-off device on the electric saw. So, when I fell off the workbench whilst operating said electric saw, I didn't cut my own hand or leg off. I just swore and bent the blade, so I think I got off very lightly.
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
Two Secrets about Squirrels
1. Squirrels have a turbo gear. If you touch one that is already running fast, it will switch to warp speed.
2. Squirrels can fly. I know because we saw it today. I ran into a bush after a squirrel and it FLEW out of the bush. TJam thought it was a bird, it was that impressive. Then it realised that it was being watched and it went back on the ground again.
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
Two Reasons to be Sad - 1975
While us dogs lie under piles of junk that TJam is trying to sort out, we happened across this piece of literary and philosophical genius from December 1974.
Translation: There are two reasons to be sad. From TJam.
One is that I have hurt my toe
The next thing that I am sad that I am not having kippers. From TJam.
Seems that TJam didn't look on the bright side in those days. The concerned few amongst you will be glad to know that her toe has healed and that she is now happy not to eat kippers (mostly, although she does miss that smokey, kippery taste on a Sunday evening...)
Sunday, 26 August 2007
Yesterday, TJam went to the newish health food place which has lots of weird, I mean alternative food for vegans. TJam saw some Rum and Coconut Ice Cream in the freezer section and she bought it.
TJam sat out on the decking and ate some of the ice cream. She said it was delicious and reminded her of something, but she couldn't put her finger on what. Must have been some distant childhood memory. In any case, she had Rum and Coconut Ice Cream for vegans and that was just too good to be true.
So, today, TJam had some more of that icecream. As she sat there she said, "Mmm Mini milks. This tastes like a bit like mini milks."
"I wonder what was in mini milks that is in this vegan icecream" she said.
So she looked at the ingredients.
Know what the secret ingredient was? MILK. 50% full fat milk. With added skimmed milk powder and some egg. No wonder it tasted so darned milky.
She thought about milk sloshing around in a cow's mammary glands, and getting squirted out of a cow's nipples. She asked herself why it is less disgusting to drink cow's milk than human milk, and why we don't have a human section in the supermarket refrigerator. She quickly reminded herself that the vomit reflex is controlled by the brain and not the stomach, so she needed to sort her brain out and FAST. So she did.
Turns out she imagined the "dairy free" label on the packet, and Rum and Coconut ice cream for vegans is, actually, too good to be true.
Heaven - by Chips
So, today's theme is photography. I clutched my Canon Powershot A520 and off we went for our morning walk. Here are the results. If you are a photography expert and these are rubbish, be so kind as to not tell me please. Thank you.
Saturday, 25 August 2007
Will she never learn?
When I pull my best "I'm Not Interested" face, why does TJam insist on getting out my toy on a string and dangling it in front of me? Why does she think she is going to tempt me into a game when I am clearly Not In the Mood? Why does she pull that silly, optomistic face that says, "come on Carlsberg, you know you want to really"? I know what I want, and it isn't that.
And it is not the first time.
I'm going upstairs to eat my tea.
Friday, 24 August 2007
Thursday, 23 August 2007
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Friday, 10 August 2007
Holidays - day 5
Best overhead quote of the week: "YOU'VE SUCCEEDED IN TURNING FRISBY INTO A CONTACT SPORT"
Worst idea for a snack: BALTI POPCORN AND POPPADOMS (MILDLY SPICED CURRIED POPCORN & ROASTED POPPADOM MIX - READY TO EAT)
Worst thought to have between the hours of 10pm and 8am: I NEED A WEE
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Holidays - day 4
It was so sunny today that we didn't manage to leave the campsite. Instead, we stayed and watched a party of 100 people arrive. We made our own entertainment by giving everyone their own identifier. Then we watched people get stuck in the mud.
Mr Rugby and Mrs 2 Kettles (and kids, including Little Jay Rugby)
Mrs "I've already found some DOG POO" (said in a loud voice, pointing in our (innocent) direction)
Mrs "What have you brought all that beer for" and Mr "Ignore any comments about beer"
Mr "Got Towed" and Mrs "I'll wait on you hand and foot then shall I?"
In the evening we had a fire and a BBQ and watched the stars appear in the sky. Quite spectacular.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Holidays - day 3
Look at this beautiful view where I walk the dogs each morning. Best campsite ever.
NB that is BLUE SKY you can see in the background.
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Holidays - day 2
Monday, 6 August 2007
Holidays - day 1
Today we set off on our holidays. Here I am at the campsite, surveying our beautiful view.
The reason you don't see many people is because they had just had 4 days of torrential rain. The wardens post the weather forecast in the toilet block everyday. It reads, "torrential rain and localised flooding". We always pick a good week for the weather.
If you click on this picture to enlarge it, you will see some mysterious pawprints up the side of the tent. I can't imagine how they got there.
Friday, 3 August 2007
Spam - the Prediction
Meanwhile, TJam is taking bets on how much spam will be in her inbox after a week.