Welcome to Bin-raiders of the lost (B)ark.
We are Beanz and Carlsberg, a dog and a cat living in The Tip with our humans. We tip a nod to our loyal contributor and friend Chips, who will live on in our memories for her spectacular adventures.
We are all superb rescue animals of Heinz variety, enjoying our 2nd chance to the full.
Beanz likes sunbathing and chasing rabbits, while Carlsberg prefers mushroom pate on toast.
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Index of 2008
In February, TJam ran "What is it Wednesday", Carlsberg got her cat tree and we celebrated 6 years of our 2nd life with TJam.
In March, TJam and FlipTop wint to Crufts, Beanz got a bespoke collar and TJam got some novelty wellies. Chips fell in the canal and got back out again. We went to visit TJam's family and it was TJam's cousin's 40th.
April saw Fliptop turn 21. Beanz got lost and found and then chewed up a kitchen roll. Chips won a new bed in a caption competition.
In May we went camping in Wales during the gales and we went to the beach. We got rejected by You've Been Framed and Chips & Beanz got accepted as PAT dogs.
June was quiet and a little bird at school had chicks in the hanging baskets. July was also quiet. Carlsberg got the run of the garden and Chips survived another batch of chocolate when Mum came to stay.
In August, everyone apart from Carlsberg went on holiday (not camping this year) and TJam met up with Towny Farm and her family. There was a continuing problem with rain in September.
Sadly, regular contributer, Dizzy died in October. Chips and Beanz got in trouble with stealing a ham shank (and MORE chocolate. I know, I wouldn't believe it either) and TJam had some diabolicle knacker sausages. It snowed and the dogs shook mud all over the washing.
In November, Carlsberg caught her first mouse in ages. Chocolate featured. Chips weed on TJam's work bag and sat on the washing. In December, there was another mouse, the humans went skating and then it was Christmas.
Thursday, 25 December 2008
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
I found time to practise my indignant look.
Whatever were they thinking?
I investigated the decorations and made sure they were up to scratch.
Merry Cat's Christmas to you all!
Saturday, 20 December 2008
Friday, 19 December 2008
Squirrels - the Rematch
Friday, 5 December 2008
The local kids built a snowman on the common.
TJam let me have a look at it. She did't let me eat the carrot for a nose.
Bamgee walked me. She is not so experienced in thinking ahead on my behalf to avert disaster.
I was very gentle.
I took the carrot and dropped it on the floor.
I ate the carrot.
I love snowmen.
Monday, 1 December 2008
00:23h TJam disturbed me for a bathroom break. I moved onto the warm bit so she had to get back into the cold side of the bed.
03:57h I felt nocturnal and went out in the garden.
04:20h I brought my little mouse up into the bedroom to welcome TJam home properly.
04:23h I gave my best, "I've got a little present for you" call.
04:24h TJam clipped my claws the other day and because of this, I could not hold my prey securely and it ran under the bed. I ran after it.
04:25h Chased mouse from out of my playtime paper bag.
04:26h Mouse ran into the folded up plastic Christmas tree which is now out of storage and waiting to be put up. Distinct lack of help from TJam.
04:27-04:34h TJam started to come to and say something that sounded to me like, "Oh Carlsberg! You are so clever! You've brought me a lovely present! Thank you!" She came over to look more closely at my gift. I patted it so she could have a go at catching it herself.
04:35h TJam went for the humane mouse trap. I went into the other bedroom.
04:37h Mouse ran into trap (no bait needed, it was glad to run into a dark space).
04:38h Mouse deposited into garden.
04:39h Garden too frosted up to use for toiletting purposes.
04:40h TJam returned to bed.
04:44h Still experiencing thrill of the chase, so stalked around bedroom jumping on paper bags and all my toys.
04:57h Went on pre-going-to-sleep patrol of the house.
05:13h Settled back down on the bed again. Purred contentedly.
05:23h TJam's adrenalin levels returned to normal and she settled back to sleep.
05:24h House quiet again.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
1st Rule of the Playground
Monday, 24 November 2008
Temporarily Forgetting Yourself
This morning I was innocently lying on my bed and TJam was making a call to the bank, on behalf of a (hitherto) reputable organisation. TJam got her diary to check something and put it on the windowsill.
Chips thought she heard a noise outside and forgot temporarily that she is not allowed to jump on the windowsill. Such activity is forbidden since Chips jumped clean through the window in 2002 and the police had to ring TJam at work for her to come and get her dogs off the main road.
Anyway, the automated person on the phone announced that the call would be recorded when TJam (also temporarily) forgot herself and shouted, "Get of my F***ing diary you stupid dog" as Chips put her muddy paw all over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and ripped the page right out and skidded it up the ledge.
The call wasn't taken for another 90 seconds, so we are hoping the recording also didn't start until 90 seconds after the incident. If she heard anything, the operator didn't let on. TJam got stuff sorted with the bank.
TJam did take a comedy photo of the diary for evidence, but it had confidential information on it so I can't post it. I will leave it to your imagination.
PS I am not pointing the finger at others in this post because I have done so so very wrong that I am creating a diversion.
PPS Besides which, we have not told the person concerned about what I did so we can't publish it til we have sorted it out face to face with the wronged party.
PPPS Yes, this does mean that we might owe YOU an apology. If TJam phones you in the next few days, you should probably worry.
Friday, 14 November 2008
Just Like Old Times
This evening I was sitting innocently by the computer, when I heard that past and distant "mraaawl" that Carlsberg used to do when she brought a mouse into the house.
Of course it is nearly a year since Carlsberg was
So I didn't hurry to the front door. When I got there I wished I'd gone a bit slower. Force of habit, I took my camera with me... (you might need to click on the photo to enlarge it for full view)...
Mr Mouse ran behind my shoes! Horror. I dug out the old mouse trap from under the sink and Mr M is now back in the garden. Whether that is with a body temperature of 37C or with rigamortis set in by now I couldn't rightly say, but Carlsberg seems to have lost her touch and couldn't put it out of its misery. Let's hope she doesn't decide to practise any more this evening.
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Not So Bad
Monday, 10 November 2008
Washing part II
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Friday, 31 October 2008
Spooky Coincidences on Halloween
Happy Halloween! Hope yours is not as spooky as ours.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Snow? In October?
- by Beanz
Here is my photo entitled, "Quick let me back in the house, I need to grow
my winter coat."
Monday, 27 October 2008
There is loads of blogging to catch up with.
Like I have been on a treadmill. It was fun. And we got evacuated from the park so they could use it as a flood basin.
But the first episode of the new series of Spooks is on tonight. Only 3 hours and 10 minutes to go. Just time to walk dogs and have tea.
Hooray. I have been waiting 11 months for this. I feel another fan letter coming on.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
TJam's Bad Hair Day
Monday, 20 October 2008
Monday, 13 October 2008
Today I jumped on the keyboard and stood for a long time on the delete button so the whole of TJam's inbox was wiped out.
Then I pretended I didn't know what was going on and acted indignant when TJam pushed me off the keys.
That should keep her busy for a while.
Saturday, 11 October 2008
This post is brought to you by the letters W H A T T H E B L O O M I N G H E C K I S G O I N G O and N, and by the number 7.
7 possible titles for this post from TJam's point of view:
1. Bad things happen in 3s
2. Too ashamed to tell you what I did
4. I don't know how I'm going to make the last couple of days sound funny
5. Beanz and the Lamb Shank
6. Sorry I was late (I was cleaning up dog sick)
7. You know you're going to be mentioned on this blog when TJam asks you what you want your spy name to be
7 possible titles for this post from Chips's point of view:
1. Mmmm chocolate
2. Mmmm activated charcoal
3. Why did you leave out so little?
4. All's well that ends well
5. Grrr I can't believe Beanz got to the lamb shank first
6. Sorry about the sick in the cupboard under the stairs
7. I'm fine. Will you stop looking at me?
7 possible titles for this post from Beanz's point of view:
1. I must remember to jump up on the kitchen counter in the middle of the night
2. My Lamb Shank
3. My sprint across the field
4. Foiled by the 2 human pincer move expertly executed by TJam and B1B2 (that's her spy name)
5. How to remember where things are and go back to look for them
6. Please don't buy a remote spray collar
7. Well, if you ever think that you have got things under control, of course a dog will have to put you in your place
Possible photos to illustrate this post:
how blue it was that one day.
See, we can leave it if we have to. Wait... why are you putting that in the bin?
PS Good luck B2
Tuesday, 7 October 2008
Don't Say I Never Give You Anything
The unconditional love of a dog does not have monetary value and I have nothing else to give.
Or so I thought until the other night.
The following morning TJam had a veritable feast of stuff awaiting her. I managed to raid the bin all over the kitchen floor (2 rotting peaches) and leave 3 substantial samples of urine, faeces and vomit in 3 different locations. Got the phone wires in the trajectory, and the desk leg.
Surely TJam could not ask for anything more.
I know she appreciated it from all the squealing and dancing about, collecting souvenirs.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
Saturday, 20 September 2008
Not As It Seems
TJam has built me the tiniest litter tray of grass for me to eat and use as I see fit.
I suppose it's better than nothing although it wouldn't do for me to grow any more.
PS It was my gotcha day on Monday and there was a distinct lack of celebrating. I am 6.
Friday, 19 September 2008
A Time and a Place
Is the vet'nery surgery a place for comedy?
Today I had to go the V. E. T. to a certain intimate procedure. Think sacs. Think anal.
So, I was in the waiting room, and my v. e. t. Alex (there now Alex, you're named and shamed) thought it was funny to come into the waiting room, call my name and ping his rubber glove on his upheld hand.
How the humans laughed.
Revenge is best served cold.
Monday, 15 September 2008
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Little Help from my Friends?
Not sure if you can help me out, but my alarm has just gone off to remind me to do something. Problem is, it says, "Feed Pin's fish" and that was last week and now I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I definitely set it for today at 5pm.
PS why does the snooze function go off after 9 minutes? Is that to please the people who like odd numbers? Square numbers?
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Water Water Everywhere
...and the tennis courts...
...and I had a little paddle in the basketball court...
The humans say we have had a month's rainfall in a day or something.
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Delayed Gratification (or not)
If, while your owner is out, you break open the special (and delicious) "won't break up in your pocket" treats that have been saved for rewards for your Pets as Therapy visit, then you won't have any nice treats for doing Pets As Therapy.
You have been warned.
Do not ask me how I know this. It will only upset me.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
I went on high alert on day 1, and remained on high alert for 5 whole days. I couldn't go to the toilet for 24 whole hours because I was so busy watching for rabbits.
There were sheep in the fields but I wasn't interested in them at all. Well, I could have been persuaded if they ran really fast, but they didn't really do it for me.
Even when we went to Hadrian's wall, I had my rabbiting face on:
And that was my holiday. Next time, I would like to go off the lead and do some proper chasing.
Friday, 29 August 2008
Reasons (Not Excuses)
Reason 1: Why we have not been blogging.
Firstly a big sorry to people who came to read the bin-raiders and we weren't here. It is my fault and the animals are ashamed of me. The reason is a few things were going on (including a holiday that we thought it best not to announce here on account of any burglars that might be passing though). Plus we did not realise anyone might worry about us. Sorry.
Reason 2: Why we decided not to camp last week, but hired a cottage instead.
2006 - just in case you were in any doubt
Monday, 11 August 2008
I have recently met up with my oldest friend. We have been friends since we were 4. I'm not going to tell you how long that is.
Her spy name is Towny Farm because she used to live in a town house. It was a house where you had to go UPSTAIRS to get to the lounge! Imagine!
Anyway, here is the Towny Farm family. It was lovely to see her and all her lovely family :)
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Punishment or consequence?
TJam is always trying to get her head round the difference between consequence and punishment.
Consequence is what happens because I do something naughty.
Punishment is when something bad happens because I did something naughty.
Anyway, today I forgot myself and barked at another dog in the street. I was eyeballing the dog for maximum pleasure and watched it as it walked behind me.
TJam did NOT tell me there was a lamppost coming up.
I leave the rest to your imagination. Dignity was not involved.
I was stunned. I forgot about the dog. I carried on walking.
TJam chuckled in a You've Been Framed kind of way and said, "Serves you right!" in a not very nice kind of way.
So the next time I saw a dog, know what I did? I barked right at it. I resolve only to respond to positive reinforcement from now on.