Friday 30 May 2008

Bank Holiday Gales

Well, we went camping this Bank Holiday.
It didn't start off that well, if I'm honest. TJam overslept and then when she was doing a final clean of cat litter tray, the bag burst on the only square metre of carpet in the house. We got caught in a diversion and Beanz was sick in the van.
By the time we arrived though, we were feeling fine and ready to go.
Beanz and I are getting much better at camping and by the first evening, I was so settled I was falling asleep while on guard. I decided to let a few people (and dogs) walk past without barking. They're just not worth it.
On Sunday, we went for a treck. We came around this bit of mountain (with a lot of rock clambering and neck-risking) and had a quick photoshoot on the Billy Goats Gruff bridge (the trolls were on holiday, thank goodness).

Then, as the heavens opened, we found a cafe and decided to spend the afternoon there!

As you may or may not know, I have the fastest tongue in the Northern Hemisphere. I have to practise on a regular basis to maintain my world class prowess. A wet afternoon seemed the perfect opportunity to get in a couple of rounds. First I enlisted the help of my able assistant Bamgee (she got away just in time!)

And then, able assistant number 2, TJam. I had got into my stride by that time, and was quite the speedy one.

I was under strict instruction to keep my tongue firmly in my mouth while the humans ate...
It's cruelty I tells ya. Cruelty! I decided to develop my powers of telekinesis but I just wasn't strong enough.

The Gales and rain really came into force by the time we walked back to the campsite. Over half the campers upped and left. The ones who were out for a long day's treck, only to crawl home looking forward to hopping into their dry sleeping bag in their lovely warm tent were going to be in for a bit of a shock.

The campsite had to erect a tent graveyard (/recycling area).

We tucked ourselves up in our (still standing) tent and the humans cheered themselves by creating a dining room in the porch with red wine and chocolate. The plastic tea set only added to the atmosphere.

Our own tent survived the night with only a split pole.

By the next day, the sun had come out again, although the winds were still... well.... "severe" probably covers it. 3 humans managed to pack the tent away and we went for a lovely walk.

Bready had a sit by the stream...

... and we had a little paddle...

...before we braved the Bank Holiday traffic to come home.

Carlsberg has forgiven TJam for forgetting to press "start" on her 2nd feeder so she only had dried food for a whole day. Diddums. She should try being a dog.

Friday 23 May 2008

Rat Hotel

by Beanz

They say that decking is aka rat hotel.

I just threw up on our decking so I guess that knocks a couple of stars off their accommodation status. Or maybe it adds a couple on.

Bodes well for our camping trip tomorrow too.


- by Beanz Today some exciting post came. Our Pets as Therapy uniform! TJam has booked me in for my first visit as a PAT dog! Then it will be Chips's turn.
I have my own ID badge and special collar and lead.
TJam spent so long setting up this photo that I fell asleep and forgot to pose.
In other news, it is all getting a bit noisy round here, and not all that tuneful.
TJam has started singing lessons.
Of course that is plenty of fodder for trainwreck blogging sessions, but there will not be any recordings or performances. Luckily her teacher is very kind and understanding of the fact that, although she acts cool and hard, she is actually very shy about singing in front of anyone, especially when she has to be serious about the whole thing.
Not so cool and hard now, are you TJ?
If I hear Dido's "Here with me" one more time, I may have to ask Chips to chew my ears off for me and I'll return the favour. There's a reason Dido got a recording contract and TJam didn't.

Monday 19 May 2008

You've Not Been Framed

- by Carlsberg

Thank goodness. We have been rejected. TJam may think it is ok to send a clip in of my climbing up the back of the settee and the cushion coming away and me falling down backwards, but I do not. You've Been Framed had the common decency to spare my dignity and reject the clip.

Mind you, come to think of it, it is quite a dent to the ego when you're not even good enough for You've Been Framed.

I don't know whether to be pleased or gutted.

Friday 16 May 2008


- by Chips
When we were out walking a couple of weeks ago, we came across this rope/stick swing (the blue thing to the right of the picture, hanging over a steep drop).
When she thought I wasn't looking (I was inspecting some ex-picnic rubbish) and when she had checked no one else was looking, TJam grabbed hold of it and launched herself into a full swing.
At the height of her trajectory TJam realised that children and adolescents must have some kind of inbuilt muscle strength that they are unaware of. She, on the other hand, was feeling a pull in muscles she didn't even know she had, let alone know she wasn't using any more.
She swung back to the side but the swing was child height so the floor was level with her waist.
It wasn't graceful.
She limpedwalked off whistling innocently (but arms hanging limply) and I did the decent thing and pretended I hadn't seen anything at all.
Humans: don't bother trying to recreate your adolescence unless you have consulted with your GP and undergone serious personal training.

Wednesday 14 May 2008

Things that Make Me Nervous

-by Carlsberg
I get nervous when TJam puts her hands on my belly in a measuring kind of way and says,
"You'd make a lovely pair of gloves."
"Or maybe a muff."

Monday 12 May 2008


- by Beanz

I think the Loch Ness Monster may have moved down south...

I had a good bark at it and it swam on by. It didn't dare come to the bank, that's for sure. Not with Beanz the Fearless on duty.

In other news, here we are down by the canal. This is the spot I got scared at so TJam keeps bringing us down here to show me there is nothing to worry about. Darn her and her challenge-your-fears attitude. In fact, I am not scared at all. Well, not while the Loch Ness Monster stays upstream.

Saturday 10 May 2008

Elephants in fridges

- by TJam

How do you know there's been an elephant in your fridge?

Or more to the point, how do you know there has been a cat on your kitchen worktop?

Forget footprints in the butter and think little little cat-shaped tongue marks.

I've gone right off my marmite on toast.

(For the Americans amongst you, Marmite is a delicious brown spead for toast and bread. You should really try it. You either love it or you hate it!)

Friday 9 May 2008


- by Carlsberg

At the weekend, Bamgee and her sister came to visit. (Her spy name is Bready until she thinks of a better one.) Bready is a vociferous knitter. I have never known such a thrill. That wool! That gentle wiggle of the yarn. I was well in there. I moved so fast I was just a blur. It's my speed wobble.

When TJam used to knit, it was never this exciting. Perhaps it is the European Way that does it for me. Did you know knitting is bilingual? Apparently so.

PS Bready is knitting squares for Oxfam in this picture. If you want to knit for Oxfam, go and have a look at their website. I haven't linked to it. I'm a cat. I don't care for these things.

Wednesday 7 May 2008


- by Beanz

I swam today. Proper doggy swimming. Not puppy "stepped-out-too-far-into-the pond-and-couldn't-turn-round-so-had-to-doggy-paddle-to-the-other-side" swimming, but "boldy-stepped-out-into-the-same-pond-and-swam-to-the-other-side-without-choking" swimming.

I don't know who was proudest, me or TJam.

Clocks and Roaching

- by Beanz

Yesterday, TJam got a special lamp. It is supposed to help her wake up slowly and naturally so she is not such an old grump in the mornings. We'll see.

So last night, she set it all up to simulate the sunrise and a dawn chorus of chirpy little birdies.

All night long, every half hour, on the half hour, she excitedly woke up, looked at her clock/lamp and asked herself, "Is it time to wake up yet?"

and every half hour, on the hour, it wasn't time to wake up yet.

And then there was a power cut.

so by the time it was time to wake up yet, she was exhausted and non the wiser, as the clock/lamp had gone off, with there being no power and all.

She has set it again for tonight, with her phone as a backup. We'll let you know if she is sweetness and light tomorrow.

This evening, I have been roaching. To avoid offence, I want you to imagine that I am roaching for pure joy, and not because I have found a half crispy fox poo on the floor. Ignore what TJam says. I am not a dirt bag.

Sunday 4 May 2008

Sing along now!

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside!
Oh I do like to be beside the sea!
- sung by Chips

This morning, it was chucking it down but TJ still made us all get in the van. Bamgee was soaked before we even started. Then, we drove to the seaside in the pouring rain. How very zen. Rain is not good nor bad. Rain just is.


So we got to the beach and the rain stopped. Hooray.
TJ posed with us. Note her new wellies. The others got a hole in them. Didn't last long.
It was still a bit windy and TJ took a not very flattering picture of me with my ears blowing up and with sand all over my nose. It made the humans laugh. Who am I to deny them their pleasure. They won't be laughing when TJ orders a new settee and I dig up the cushions.

Then we met Natty Noo and Roxy (person and dog) and Roxy ran rings round us.

Then we met Medders and Nice Nails (that's their spy names). Medders was friends with TJ when they were at school so they talked and talked and caught up. Meanwhile, us dogs walked along and sat around while the humans had tea and scones. We did get a few chips at lunch time though, so that was a special treat.

We had to come home in the end. We were asleep before TJ had shut the crate door in the van. There is load snoring coming from Beanz's box.

It was a good day. I love the sand and I love the sea. And I love my yellow ring.