Welcome to Bin-raiders of the lost (B)ark.
We are Beanz and Carlsberg, a dog and a cat living in The Tip with our humans. We tip a nod to our loyal contributor and friend Chips, who will live on in our memories for her spectacular adventures.
We are all superb rescue animals of Heinz variety, enjoying our 2nd chance to the full.
Beanz likes sunbathing and chasing rabbits, while Carlsberg prefers mushroom pate on toast.
Monday, 31 March 2008
The clue to this post's topic is in the title. There are no photos. The feint of heart and emetophobes turn back now. Dog owners continue. You are bound to be used to this kind of talk.
Personally, I prefer to vomit in a corner or at the very least up next to a wall. Beanz is much more indiscriminate. I don't like to do the deed on anything. I prefer bare floor.
You can add more after-vom entertainment by puking behind a door (lots of screaming, especially if it is behind the front door and your owner has just taken their shoes off, plus lots of huffing, puffing and swearing as your human has to clean under the door). Other recommended places are: next to ceiling to floor curtains (high absorbancy) and on windowsill (high late discovery factor, so the opportunity to return and admire your scene of crime before it is cleared away).
So, this morning, I had used all my favourite spots, and because I have been feeling a little bit poorly sick and I'd tried to manage some breakfast, I felt the urge come over me as I was saying goodbye to TJam as she left for work.
I made that "got to get it up" squelchy noise and TJ tried to get a towel between the corner of the windowsill and her work bag. Obviously, I will not be sick on something so I jumped onto the dog crate and then, my piece de resistance, I threw up WHILE I WAS JUMPING OFF THE CRATE! It was spectacular. TJam watched in awe and gave me 10/10 for artistic interpretation.
A little bit went on TJam's brother's Christmas present but she wiped it off and we don't think he will notice.
I am feeling much better now but I am starving and I was only allowed a spoonful of food. I will sit and watch TJ all evening until she feels guilty and gives me a bit more.
Friday, 28 March 2008
At first TJ thought we had a new cash machine. But no. It is bigger than that.
You see, we don't just have any old "sort your recycling into green glass, brown glass and plastic" any more. Oh no! We now have a hole-in-the-wall, top-of-the-range, put-your-items-into-the-hole-one-by-one-and-watch-the-screen-while-it-analyses-your-rubbish-and-tells-you-whether-it-is-metal,-plastic-or-glass facilities. If you go too fast it even tells you one-item-at-a-time before the rubbish is taken away inside the machine and you hear it being smashed and compacted.
I am sure they have calculated that the energy used to light, analyse, automatically sort and generally power the Recycling Centre is less than the old fashioned way. It is certainly more fun.
Tuesday, 25 March 2008
So Far So Good
Monday, 24 March 2008
I have missed everyone though, so I took every opportunity to sit on TJ's knees. I stepped on Chips once but she snapped teeth which I think means she doesn't like me to sit on her.
Today was Columbo marathon. A whole day of Columbos. Does it get any better? Sitting on your human (with body warmer) surrounded by dogs, fire on and Columbo as far as the eye can see. Heaven.
Sunday, 23 March 2008
Well the humans deserted us again at lunch time. They went to the all you can eat buffet at the Chinese. I'm sure Beanz and I would have got more value for money if WE had been allowed all we could eat. TJ managed a pathetic 3 plates of food plus fruit salad. Mmmmmmmm ..... Chinese......
That little baby cousin of TJ's was there. He enjoyed the Chinese food and he charmed the staff and got a look around the kitchen to meet the chef. Too bad I didn't meet him. I would have liked to investigate his pelican bib.
This evening we drove back to The Tip. TJ is now officially mature. How do I know? Because she made a bag of chocolate limes last all the journey down and all the journey back. That is the sign of a mature person. Carlsberg was pleased to see us and she didn't even try to pretend otherwise. We were glad to see her too. A feeder with a timer on is no substitute for your homies.
Saturday, 22 March 2008
Party Time for Humans
Well, we have travelled to Capital City once again to visit TJ's parents and littermates. It was her brother's birthday. He had a cake. Well, he had three quarters of a cake as his parents had eaten a quarter of it the night before.
Then we went for a walk and it snowed!! Yay!
In the evening, the humans went to a party. They left us dogs in the hall. Can you believe it?! We would have made excellent entertainment at a party with nibbles and beer.
It was TJ's cousin's 40th and there was hilarity and cake. TJ smelt of beer when she came home but she says she dzidzn't have mutsch. Happy birthday to cousin EJ
Friday, 21 March 2008
As luck would have it, TJ saw some great wellies in the gadget shop for a bargain price of £5. She got 2 pairs, some denim-look and some red tartan. She mustn't show the red tartan ones to her dad or she will never live it down. The hunt goes on for some plain, comfortable, durable wellies with a good grip. If you know of any, leave a comment.
Anyway, TJ was so excited about the find that she took a photo. (Humour her). Then we set off for our walk. It was beautiful. I went off scavenging and rolling, and the next thing I knew, I was in the canal! It wasn't solid, it was rubbish with water underneath! When TJ looked back, she could see my very worried face and my two paws on the side.
I'm sure the smirk was a smirk of concern. She was going to take a photo of me in the water before she rescued me, but a horse-rider and a cyclist were passing by and she didn't want them to think she was cruel. So she hauled me out (that is what neck scruffs are perfect for) made me pose, soaking wet, shocked and not a little bit cold. It looks like a 1970s picture but that's due to camera shake. TJ was not laughing. It was guffaws of concern for my well-being.
Wednesday, 19 March 2008
Delivery for Beanz
No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees).
When TJam went to Crufts, she was looking for a collar for me. I am a longish, biggish dog but with a thinnish neck (not scraggy or puny you understand, just slender). So if I get a collar that is wide enough to not strangulate me if I should forget myself and pull forward, it is a good 6 inches too baggy and prone to falling off if I drop my head down.
So at Crufts, TJam was discussing this with the snugglepets people and they have made me a collar nice and wide for substantial dogs, but they have made it short like for small dogs and now I have A COLLAR THAT FITS. Here I am admiring it. They made it specially and posted it out to me today. I will take it for its virgin run tomorrow morning. Yay!
In other, not such good news, the wellies that TJam got at Crufts have already cracked big holes in themselves. We will have to propose TJam to run a wellie testing project and all the companies can give her free samples. These were the worst ever, breaking after only 10 days. A record.
Tuesday, 11 March 2008
We Can Dream
When TJam and FT got to Crufts, they stood for a little while being overstimulated and shouting, "We don't know where to start! We don't know where to start!". Then they started shopping.
They went and had a look at some dogs. These are well behaved dogs that sit in their stalls until it is their turn to go in the ring. See?
A couple of weeks ago, TJam went down to London. She deserted us and went to London. Bamgee's sister came to look after us, so at least there was an up side.
So, it was the night of the high winds (the high winds before the high winds we are experienceing again now).
A train had derailed so TJam arrived at her 11am meeting at 12.30pm. She had a good day in London, met her parents for tea and then got the only train out of Euston that day.
The humans sat for 2 hours outside a station while the engineers did their paperwork. Then they changed train but there were no seats and they ended up in the corridor, which the ticket inspector renamed the vestibule.
True British spirit emerged with the cry, "Polo anyone?", followed by the sharing of polos, sour balls, gummy bears and refreshers. Once the humans had all swapped stories of what they were doing in London, where they were going, and they had laughed about travelling economy class, they all started taking photos of each other. The party was split up when seats became available and TJam arrived home at half past one in the morning. We were very glad to see her. She was very glad to be home, and pleased that the train company is obliged to get you to your station one way or another, even if that involves coach or taxi. Hooray. and hooray for all the people who turned the journey into a fun-fest.