Thursday 27 November 2008

1st Rule of the Playground

- by Carlsberg

Rule 1: If you've licked it, it's yours.

Monday 24 November 2008

Temporarily Forgetting Yourself

- by Beanz

This morning I was innocently lying on my bed and TJam was making a call to the bank, on behalf of a (hitherto) reputable organisation. TJam got her diary to check something and put it on the windowsill.

Chips thought she heard a noise outside and forgot temporarily that she is not allowed to jump on the windowsill. Such activity is forbidden since Chips jumped clean through the window in 2002 and the police had to ring TJam at work for her to come and get her dogs off the main road.

Anyway, the automated person on the phone announced that the call would be recorded when TJam (also temporarily) forgot herself and shouted, "Get of my F***ing diary you stupid dog" as Chips put her muddy paw all over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and ripped the page right out and skidded it up the ledge.

The call wasn't taken for another 90 seconds, so we are hoping the recording also didn't start until 90 seconds after the incident. If she heard anything, the operator didn't let on. TJam got stuff sorted with the bank.

TJam did take a comedy photo of the diary for evidence, but it had confidential information on it so I can't post it. I will leave it to your imagination.

PS I am not pointing the finger at others in this post because I have done so so very wrong that I am creating a diversion.
PPS Besides which, we have not told the person concerned about what I did so we can't publish it til we have sorted it out face to face with the wronged party.
PPPS Yes, this does mean that we might owe YOU an apology. If TJam phones you in the next few days, you should probably worry.

Friday 14 November 2008

Just Like Old Times

- by TJam

This evening I was sitting innocently by the computer, when I heard that past and distant "mraaawl" that Carlsberg used to do when she brought a mouse into the house.

Of course it is nearly a year since Carlsberg was incarcerated provided with a spacious yet secure environment, and therefore nearly a year since the last mouse incident. Surely there are no mice in our garden. They wouldn't dare.

So I didn't hurry to the front door. When I got there I wished I'd gone a bit slower. Force of habit, I took my camera with me... (you might need to click on the photo to enlarge it for full view)...

Mr Mouse ran behind my shoes! Horror. I dug out the old mouse trap from under the sink and Mr M is now back in the garden. Whether that is with a body temperature of 37C or with rigamortis set in by now I couldn't rightly say, but Carlsberg seems to have lost her touch and couldn't put it out of its misery. Let's hope she doesn't decide to practise any more this evening.

Tuesday 11 November 2008

Not So Bad

- by Carlsberg

In defence of Chips and her run of Very Naughty Doings (a couple of which could not be mentioned on a family blog) I would like to say that she is very good at sharing a bed. In the last couple of weeks, Chips has proved that 100g of dark chocolate is not so much of a problem for a 12.5kg as websites and vets would have you believe, even when chased with 8 soya based sausages, and that if you eat enough windfall apples you will wee more than usual.
Experiment complete.

Monday 10 November 2008

Washing part II

-by Chips

I decided that just shaking on the clean washing was not enough. To properly leave your mark you need to get right in there.

Boy am I popular this week. PS They could do with making laundry baskets just a tiny bit bigger to accommodate a wider variety of canines. I might write to my MP and suggest it.

Saturday 8 November 2008

Caught Short

- by Chips

If you are ever caught short in the night, might I suggest that an excellent place to wee is on top of your human's laptop bag? Especially if that laptop bag belongs to work.
Of course, you should only try this if you have excellent balance and aim.
It goes down especially well if your human has left out a towel for you to wee on but you leave that towel bone dry.

PS, there was no laptop in the bag at the time and even if their had been, there would have been no damage done as the bag is fully waterproof. We have the proof and utterly endorse this make of bag.