Wild Week

Carls has had her stitches out, collar off and promplty went awol. TJam says she did not fork out over £300 for her to go missing. They will have words on her return.

On the Mend

Bamgee brought Carlsberg some poorly cat milk. It is like lucozade but for cats. She managed a purr this evening. Carlsberg that is, not Bamgee.

Drain is Out

Hooray!

Nicole, the vet said that she did not swear as per TJam's description of the consultation. TJam agrees that she was probably mistaken but they have agreed to leave it there for dramatic effect.

Quiet Day

Hooray.

9 Lives

TJam barrackaded Carlsberg upstairs and went to work. A clothes airer, a baby gate with 4 inch gaps and a sheet of metal and a box blocking off the catflap. There was no way she was going to make it downstairs anyway wearing her buster collar, and also she could hardly walk.

TJam went off to work and came home at lunch to check on us. She went up to see Carls, but there was no cat there. She looked under the beds, in the cupboards, behind the door... there are only so many places a cat with a buster collar on can hide. No cat. In disbelief, she looked in the garden. No cat. She kept saying, "She MUST be upstairs. She CAN'T have got out. She treble checked and quadrupal checked but no cat.

Finally, she put our collars and leads on. We needed to go out anyway, as I had broken into our holiday supply of dried food. We led TJam down a different path from usual. We walked behind the houses and past a sports car. Beanz got down and started sniffing. TJam had a look under, but she couldn't see anything and pulled us on. Beanz lay on the floor and started wagging her tail and sniffing hard. TJam double checked, and there, right under all the bodywork, was our frightened little cat with her buster collar sprung open.

TJam phoned Pin who came to help. TJam pulled Carls out from under the car and then wrestled her back to the house. Carlsberg did not want to be carried but she had to come home.

She is now sulking upstairs and has a bleeding foot on top of everything else. So she is off to the vet's in a minute for some pain relief and a check over. She was not supposed to jump over the fence 24 hours after surgery so she will probably get a talking to. Or TJam will.

Updated 8pm - the cuts on Carls's paws were from where she HAD BEEN ATTACKED while going outside. The wounds would have become abscesses but for the fact she is already on that many antibiotics. So she had a painkilling injection and came home and is already looking much more spritely. We are optimistic.

Beanz is the queen. She quite possibly saved Carlsberg's life. We are so happy.

Comfortable Night

The Carlsberg fanbase will be pleased to know she spent a comfortable night and even dragged herself up onto the bed twice and fell off it once. She decided to explore and master her lampshade-head-thing at 5am and is a lot brighter now that it is 7am.

TJam has now also learnt how to spell abscess. It's from her hours trawling the internet to look up normal cat respiration rates in her over anxious state at midnight last night after Carls tried to jump off the bed.

All is much brighter this morning, and a big thank you to all our friends who have mailed, texted and phoned. We appreciate it.

Abscess Revisited - with style

Poor Carlsberg has not been feeling at all well over the weekend and yesterday she just laid on the landing all day and night. This morning, TJam took her to the vet, who said, "Sh*t!" (sorry to any under 16s) "Is there any chance she could have been shot?!". Well, there are loads of kids that shoot over the back, so it was a distinct possibility. Carlsberg stayed at the vet for x-ray and surgery.

1pm - the vet has just phoned. It was not a pellet, but huge abscess that stretches from her back, all the way around to her groin. She will need a drain. She can come home tonight.

Evening: this is what she looks like now and we have never seen anything so pathetic.

The drain goes in the top of her back here:

and all the way down to come out of her belly here.

TJam made her a comfy bed, but Carlsberg got up and balanced herself on the cardboard box and fell asleep and that is where TJam has left her. She isn't allowed to be around us dogs because we will try and lick her wounds and we're not allowed.

Carlsberg has to go back to the vet on Wednesday.

Abscess Revisited - with style

Poor Carlsberg has not been feeling at all well over the weekend and yesterday she just laid on the landing all day and night. This morning, TJam took her to the vet, who said, "Sh*t!" (sorry to any under 16s) "Is there any chance she could have been shot?!". Well, there are loads of kids that shoot over the back, so it was a distinct possibility. Carlsberg stayed at the vet for x-ray and surgery.

1pm - the vet has just phoned. It was not a pellet, but huge abscess that stretches from her back, all the way around to her groin. She will need a drain. She can come home tonight.

Evening: this is what she looks like now and we have never seen anything so pathetic.

The drain goes in the top of her back here:

and all the way down to come out of her belly here.

TJam made her a comfy bed, but Carlsberg got up and balanced herself on the cardboard box and fell asleep and that is where TJam has left her. She isn't allowed to be around us dogs because we will try and lick her wounds and we're not allowed.

Carlsberg has to go back to the vet on Wednesday.

Wedding Congratulations

Congratulations to Jo and Jon, who got married today. Bamgee and TJam went to their reception and TJam wowed the audience with her medley of the wedding march, love songs and football songs expertly performed on the paper and comb. There was panic during the day when TJam realised her playing skills were very rusty, but constant practice made perfect and it all went well.

Thank Goodness for Insurance

Another trip to the vet for a 2nd lump. He said it felt more like a tumour but since it has appeared at the same time as my war wound, it is too much of a coincidence and he will treat it as another abscess.

However, this one seems more problematic and if it doesn't heal properly I may need surgery. So please keep your fingers crossed that it all heals nicely. Apart from anything else, I hate staying in the house. I hide behind the front door and when people come in, I dart past them to make a break for freedom.

TJam would welcome any advice. She wants to build some kind of airlock.

Abscess

As the title suggests, there are more health issues down on the ranch. Poor old me developed a big lump on my back and was walking funny, so I had to pay a visit to the vet, who whipped the scab of an absess and, well, we'll leave the rest to your imagination. Actually, it is best not to think about it, it will only upset you. TJam was morbidly fascinated.

The vet said I was probably involved in a fight, and from the location of the wound, I was running away. Chips has said she will give me some lessons in self defence.

£41 later and I am injected and armed with a course of antibiotics.

Go Chips!!

Dear Carlsberg

You know as well as I do that if you have a pouch in the morning, you start patting my face at 5am to ask for your breakfast. And you can forget it cos it ain't gonna happen. I must confess to being suspicious. How comes you have just come and sat on my knee AGAIN? Are you even the real Carlsberg or an imposter? I will ask the vet to check your microchip when you go for your next booster.

Anyway, we have more important news now. After 4 years of work, and times of despair, Chips has got her bronze Citizen Award from the Kennel Club. Perhaps I will carry her rosette around in my bumbag so if she gets in a scrap I can whip it out, wave it around and blame the other dog. A special thank you to Gayle, Derrick and Karen who let her into the quieter class even though she wasn't qualified, and who let us work at Chips's pace so she could calm down and chill and, and dare I say it, enjoy herself in class.

Lots of love
TJam

Reply to Letter

Dear TJam

Firstly, I have to say that I was coming home anyway, and your letter didn't make a bit of difference. I am a cat and I will do as I please, as is my feline way.

Please do not think, however, that I am not aware that you are thinking of selling up and leaving the rat race to go and live on a narrow boat. As you well know, boats do not suit cats. You had better stick to your promise that you will not leave until I give sign or signal that it is ok. And please do not think that you will be able to hasten my departure.

Please also do not think that my being extra friendly since I got home and sitting on your knee for the first time this evening is my attempt at winning you round and keeping you on my side.

Lots of love

Carlsberg

PS What about a pouch of catfood in the morning as well as the evening?

Carcass

Firstly, my sincere apologies to those who berated TJam for not photographing the "tapeworm on the carpet" scene. I can only imagine how you are going to take the following news.

Whilst out walking, I dived gleefully into some long grass. TJam smelt me as I came out carrying a decomposing rabbit carcus seething and dripping with maggots. It was a wrestle to prize it from me clamped jaws, but the adrenaline rush helped her no end. And the sorry thing about all this, was that TJam's first thought was, "I haven't got my camera!" What does that say about her?

Letter

Dear Carlsberg

I am sorry we left you for the weekend and went down to London. I was careful to leave out your favourite food and to make sure someone checked on you (even though the key wouldn't work and they couldn't get into the house). I feel you are overreacting by not coming home. I haven't seen you for 5 days and I am starting to worry, even though I know you pull this 7 day stunt every summer. How am I supposed to know if you are out on an expedition or if you are locked in someone's shed and need rescuing?

It's raining now, so why don't we call it a truce and you can come home, have a pouch of food and we will all be winners. Huh? Waddaya say?

Lots of love
TJam

PhD

Congratulations to Dr Noisette who has got her PHd! Hooray!

Wedding

TJam and Bamgee went to a Town and then to the Lake District to celebrate Mr and Mrs Chilled's wedding. It was a beautiful, humourous and moving ceremony and fun and friendly reception.

Everyone had a great time. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Chilled!

Walking Day

Today was walking day. This is a local custom when humans walk from the church to the war memorial, playing music and stuff. Whilst TJam applauds the upkeep of local tradition, she did not enjoy waiting in traffic for half an hour before pleading with Mr Policeman to let her drive to her own home rather than take a 7 mile diversion.

Luckily, what with the crying, shaking and general drama that accomanies a hormonal human on low blood sugar, Mr Policemen let her drive home and the peace was kept.

Allotment Relaunched

TJam and the dogs went to the allotment at the crack of dawn to start putting a fence around it. So far they have done a gate frame and dug holes for the posts. And they claim to be exhausted.

Meanwhile, I have been enjoying reading "Your Dog" magazine and laughing at all those stupid canines. They think they are so clever. They should try being a cat.

Meanwhile, I have been enjoying the mattress. Very nice. Very nice indeed. Keep up the payments TJam.

Good Night's Sleep

Today, TJam hoiked me off the bed to make way for a new matress. She is very excited about it and is hoping to, at last, have a good night's sleep. I will let you know.