You Are What You Eat

And I am slowly becoming Fish and Brown Rice. If you ever needed evidence, here it is.

Swan Flightpath

Today we had the amazing experience of being at the end of a fishing pond when two swans flew in to land. We were at the end of their runway as they splayed their legs out towards us and prepared for touchdown about 5 metres away from us.

I must admit it made me startle a little bit when we heard the whirring sound of them slowing up but TJam says we are very lucky and most people probably haven't had the opportunity of being at the end of the watery runway when swans land on a pond.

Me, I'm just glad they did actually manage to stop. I've heard a swan can break a man's arm.

Cereal Packets

Would it be so difficult to have the little slit to keep your cereal packet closed at both ends and not just at the top, thus increasing your chance of having a cereal packet that will stay closed by 100% ?

Am I the first person to have thought of this?

If my coco pops fall out of their box I will sue.

Microwave Mystery

For the scientists among you:

How is it possible to heat your hot chocolate in the same mug in the microwave with no problems several times, and then to receive 1st (and small 2nd) degree burns to the index and middle fingers when taking out your lovely, appetising drink? This one will not help me sleep better. The drink itself was not even that hot.

Following mind over matter (brain screams "DROP IT DROP IT" while other part of brain screams, "DON'T DROP IT. HOLD IT AND PUT IT DOWN. If you release the cup you will burn the rest of your body") and quickly (very quickly) slamming cup onto the counter I turned my attention to first aid. Luckily I knew what to do in such an instance. I simply followed the procedure from when my (very young) brother tried to take the jam tarts that had just come out of the oven.

Cheers bro. Every cloud has a silver lining. I have used aggressive cold water treatment. I think the wet cloth in a plastic bag would be excessive in this case.

Indignant

We have had our dog food delivered for 5 years. For 5 years, I have forgotten to bring it in for a couple of days.

Today, I went to get the dog food from out the front.

It had been stolen.

Luckily we have a good friend Ann and I went bucket in hand to tide us over until I could get to the petshop.

I will have to stop having our food delivered from an ethical source and go to the pet shop like everyone else. Is nothing sacred?

Relief

Flat Stanley has been playing a cheeky trick on us. but we don't care because STANLEY IS BACK! in fact he was never away! i came home at lunch time and tried to clear a space on the settee for my student to sit. As I moved a pile of junk, THERE WAS STANLEY.

If none of my friends and readers have betrayed me, those Texas kiddies will be none the wiser. If any of you are treacherous snakes in the grass then at least those innocent little children can dry their eyes and enjoy more adventure of Stanley in England (that's England UK, not New England. It's a small country outside the US on the other side of the map).

I don't know whether to hug Stanley or smack his naughty little bottom for playing such a mean trick. At least I now understand better how my mother felt when I once got lost at St Paul's Cathedral.

Disclaimer: The above penultimate statement was for comic effect. No Stanleys will be harmed in the writing of this blog.

Flat Stanley Goes It Alone

During our weekend, Flat Stanley travelled in several bags and pockets to minimise damage.

When we got home from our lovely weekend (and after we had watched the final of Crufts, wish I had put a bet on) I reached into my bag to retreve Flat Stanley and get a final picture of him arriving safely home.

My blood ran cold as I then searched every bag and pocket. After a round of, "I thought you had him" "No, I thought you had him" I realised that Flat Stanley was still grinning if the ruins of Bolton Abbey.

I have emailed Bolton Abbey, but have had no reply as yet. Teri, if you're reading this, please don't let your son see it! Maybe I can get a clone of FS and no one will be any the wiser. I have emailed the teacher for a template. I can't believe I have let this happen to our guest! He wasn't even wearing a coat.

Yorkshire Dales

This weekend we have been to the Yorkshire Dales. We took Flat Stanley in order to educate him in all things English.

We arrived just outside Pateley Bridge at Springfield Farm. We were greeted by a friendly Mrs Baldwin who doubled in our estimation when we found she had left a plate of cakes for afternoon tea and some chocolates on the mantelpiece. That, and the fact that the cottage was impeccable in every way. We couldn't fault it. There was even a little garden where dogs could go. If it had not been the end of winter, we could also have made use of the garden furnature and the swings. If you are planning a holiday in the Yorkshire Dales, email me and I will give you Mrs Baldwin's phone number.

Anyway, Flat Stanley had several rounds of afternoon tea over the weekend. We were in the middle of nowhere, so we could walk the dogs for miles. Given our recent sheep experiences, the dogs stayed mostly on the lead.

We saw a small miracle. A little lamb that had just been born and was standing for the first time and drinking for the first time. While the mother ate the afterbirth. Yes, you heard right. That herbivore was eating raw flesh. Nature is a mystery but I'm told she knows best. Then another sheep went over to say hello.

We walked to Brimham Rocks. They are 3 million years old or something, and very very impressive. Some of them are balanced on a tiny stone but they don't fall over.

By the time we came down the hill, the mummy and lamb were gone. I can only hope they had been taken in by the farmer for warmth and shelter, and not that lamby had gone straight into a casserole.

On the way home from our little holiday, we stopped at Bishop's Abbey and had a lovely walk. Flat Stanley had his photo taken on the ruins.
We arrived home tired, happy and refreshed.

Guess Who's Here

Yup, the long awaited Flat Stanley is here! He was waiting for us on the doormat when we got back from our walk.

I popped him through the laminator to keep him safe in this house of savages, and then introduced him to a nice cup of tea. How very English. He has written a letter to the children in Texas and is looking forward to his adventures in Europe (and maybe beyond).

Ideas for anything Stanley can try and report back on? Leave a suggestion in the comments. Clean ones only please.

Wating for Flat Stanley

We are waiting for Flat Stanley in the post. He has posted himself from Texas and is looking forward to adventures in the North West of England. He wants to have his photo taken and send it back to his friends in the States.

I hope he can understand our accent.

A New Emotion

TJam is having a new emotion today.

VERY PROUD OF CHIPS

She took me to the new agility class. I did not get stressed. I sniffed faces with 3 other dogs on the lead and I did all the equipment. At first I didn't realise I was supposed to stay on the plank 5 foot off the ground and I kept jumping off. In the end, I got the hang of it.

A small border terrier got free and came for my throat. I used reasonable force to protect myself but nothing more. No blood was shed. When they caught the border, I let the whole matter drop and asked for a treat and thought no more about it.

I looked normal the whole time and the teacher said I can soon come off the lead.

Uncle Gardener's Party

This weekend we have all been down south to celebrate Uncle Gardener's 70th birthday.

Congratulations to the youthful Uncle Gardener and well done to the whole team for turning a small, sticky bar area into a balloon and streamer packed, candlelit, tableclothed party place.

The food was fab. I particularly liked the 2 labels on the food for us funny eaters.
1. vegetable rice (a bowl of rice with vegetables)
2. "contains garlic" (the mini pizzas)

I could only deduce from this that the rest of the food was not vegetable rice, and/or did not contain garlic. Or, I suppose, that Auntie Gardener ran out of labels :)

It was great for us to all get together. I loved it when people asked me, "How do you know G?". Inside I said, "what, Uncle Gardener you mean? The clue is in the name" and on the outside I said "He's my uncle."

There was plenty of, "Last time I saw you, you were this high, running naked round the garden covered only in red indian body paint" (I hasten to add that the, "this high" they were referring to dates the incident to about 1978, and at the time we had not heard of the term, "Native American Indian").

Now, I am a fairly open-minded kinda gal, so I wasn't phased when my cousin told me that his 3 year-old son may not answer to the name "T" at the moment. So as not to commit a social faux pas, I asked what name he was going by at that time.

Lily.

As it turned out, when Lily arrived, s/he was no longer Lily, but Princess Leia, which I shortened to, "Princess". The princess didn't seem to mind that and we had a good game of balloon sword fighting.

So all in all, a fabulous party and we went for Chinese all you can eat on Sunday.

Thank you Uncle and Auntie Gardener for inviting me!

Dr Chips researches again (so soon)

10 day old baked beans with mould on.

No news is good news

By Dr Chips - PhD (Dr of Phood)

I am Banned from Scientific Research

Today I have been banned from scientific research.

If you search the internet, you will see that grapes can be poisonous for dogs. Luckily, the word is "can", not definitely "is".

I did research this area once before and ate a bag of grapes. I also ran the gauntlet with nuts and raisins a couple of times. At the time, TJam thought it was funny, because she didn't know that grapes can cause acute kidney failure and death.

So today she was not laughing when she washed a bag of grapes and left them to dry on the side, and then went to work. She was not laughing when she came home and they were gone, and so was half a punnet of cherry tomatoes, which it turns out, can also be poisonous for dogs.

The internet recommeded agressive vetenary intervention, but 7 hours had already passed and I was fine and ate my tea and went for a walk. I didn't even have the decency to vomit. And those were expensive and tastey grapes and TJam had been looking forward to them.

I would like to add the results of my experiment to the growing body of research as one of the "a bag of grapes is not poisonous to all dogs" contibutions to add balance to this field.

However, I will not be allowed to research this area again.

Mould on mould

I'm guessing that mould growing on the mushrooms in your fridge is not a good sign

Ta da!

Ladies and Gentlemen

I present to you one scarf, modelled by the lovely Bamgee.

25 stitches at one end and 25 stitches at the other.

Knitted by my own fair hand.

Ta da indeed.

New Hobby

(Carlsberg fans will be glad to know that she has reclaimed her place on the bed, a sure sign that she is feeling better. So she should be after 2 injections of antibiotics.)

I have a new hobby. Or rather, I have reactivated an old one, but I hope that, 30 years on, I will be better at it.Here is a picture of my first attempt at knitting. You will see that I started with 5 stitches at point A, and then seemed to think every thread was a stitch, until my scarf for teddy doubled its size (B). Mum probably pointed out to me that you don't split the wool, and so my scarf went on a diet (point C) before becoming some kind of fraying giant, at which point I gave up (point D).

So, here I am, embarking on another scarf. I started with 25 stitches and so far (into my 2nd ball now) I still have 25 stitches.

Are you impressed?

Dangerous Dogs? - by Carlsberg

This blog is not a political one. Unless you count the (shortlived) "let dogs sleep in a double bed on a memory foam matress" campaign politcal.

But TJam did promise Linda a link to the 10 Downing Street Petition against legislating against dogs because of the breed they are. Because in this house, we believe it is the way a dog is raised and treated that affects the way it behaves, and although breed influences part of this, the breed of a dog absolutely does not make it bad. The Kennel Club, The Association of Pet Dog Trainers, The Blue Cross and Victoria Stillwell off the tele all think this too. So Linda, click here to sign the petition. You might also was to look at this website: Deed not Breed. We advise you don't watch the video unless you have plenty of tissues handy.

And now I will get off my soapbox and go out and get in a fight so that when TJam comes home tomorrow she will find blood on the duvet and I will be hiding under the bed. Then, she can worry all night before she can ring the vet on Monday morning.

Our SNOW (part 2)

WE GOT IT!

We had to walk up a big hill to get it, but it was worth it. Deep lovely white snow! The drifts came over TJam's wellies (very fine wellies they are turning out to be). I kept eating it and charging around in it (while eating it). I was soaked and so very very happy.

Now we are down, the snow has changed to rain but nothing can take away our lovely snow of the morning.

Our snow

WHERE IS IT?

The dogs and I are very disappointed at only a sprinking of icing sugar over the ground. Hardly enough to even leave footprints in. Meanwhile, the rest of the country has ground to a halt.

We didn't move to the north west for sunshine and tropical conditions you know. and now we have the best weather in the country. What's going on?

I will have to save my, "Sorry I can't come in to work, I'm snowed in" excuse for another day. There had better be another day. I am having snowman withdrawal symptoms.