Cannot Tell a Lie

OK I admit it. It was me that went through the compost bin. Yes, those are green pepper seeds next to my bed. I did eat the shrivelled, mouldy green pepper. I cannot tell a lie. I am also responsible for the half a banana skin in the kitchen.

Non-Buddhism

Bamgee should be in Peru about now...

Meanwhile, TJam is going to have a LOT of explaining to do when she next visits the Buddhist Centre. Tonight, she has killed some slugs and snails. She has put it off for a long time, but she said something about kill just a couple (haha, call that a couple) now and save having to kill off hundreds later. They are eating the whole garden and we are going to have to grow veg there this year. So I say, be like a dog. Kill EVERYTHING IN SIGHT and don't bother with a guilty conscience. You have a lot to learn from us dogs.

Allotment

It is with regret that TJam has made her decision to retire from her allotment. We hadn't been for a couple of months, and when we went down there today, the fence has been broken down in 2 places, the locked door forced open, the wheelbarrow and state of the art spade stolen, and people had had a massive bonfire, burnt a bike, broken some glass and taken drugs on our patch. Since we don't feel safe there and TJam doesn't have the skill or inclination to build a secure fence to keep intruders out, we will be retiring from the allotment until such a time as we can find one that doesn't need an alarm system.

Lucid Dreaming

Here are some cool branches that TJam couldn't resist getting a picture of. Age makes you start getting all appreciative of that stuff.

And here is an unusual picture of Carlsberg.

Bamgee is back from Cambodia!

On a completely unrelated topic. TJam has always remembered her dreams, and often done reality tests which showed she was awake, when actually she was asleep. Pinching herself and then thinking "oh, it must be real then". Anyway a few nights ago, TJam was having a nightmare, and as she was being carried into the medieval torture chamber (don't ask) she suddenly thought to herself, "wait, this is a dream. I can wake up" and the dream melted away and she dreamt she woke up.

Only then she thought she was awake but actually it was just another dream…. Anyway, last night she suddenly realised she was dreaming. So she thought to herself, "great, that means I can fly if I want to" so she just jumped off the ground and she was soaring through the air. Of course, then she was so excited she forgot it was a dream so in her mind she genuinely was flying around like a delirious nutter.

TJam has wanted to do lucid dreaming forever, and then 2 in a month. Apparently you have to practise. You have to reality check. I wonder if it is because she has started meditating and kind of reality checking regularly throughout the day, and that now he is doing it in her sleep as well. It is all bizarre but kind of interesting and TJam is doing a characteristically obsessive web search on the joys of lucid dreaming.

Incidentally, "nutter" is not in the microsoft spellcheck. What are they thinking?

Nice Walk

We went for a lovely walk up Rivington today. TJam even got some half decent pictures of Beanz.

I got a picture of me with some other dogs to go in my Record of Achievement.

Even Nero was on for a game today, it must have been the beauty of nature that got to him.

Reunion

Today, TJam's friend Snow Dance came to visit. She hasn't changed at all! They had a fab time catching up, and then they turned to reminiscing.

They went on friends reunited and looked up everyone in their school year. Then they got brave and looked up everyone in the year above them who used to scare the bejeebiez out of them.

Weird that two grown women should be sweating and feeling sick with fear whilst looking at photos of 14 year olds. They still hold their power over TJam and Snow Dance, with their luminous towelling socks, mullet perms and black eye-liner.

Oh the 80s. TJam intends to put some photos up of her own. Brazil - have you got any you could send up?

Dog School

Today I started at new dog training school. And they have said I can go back again next week, so I can't have been that bad. Actually, TJam was proud of me. 10 dogs in a hall and only one tiny little bark. Oh how I have come on.

Cat's Christmas

Well, everyone had a lovely Christmas. I spent mine here, and Silky came to play with me and feed me. TJam forgot to leave my Christmas dinner out, so I have played the guilt card by being extra friendly. I waited at the door for everyone when they came back from visiting the family and I slept on TJam's shoulder last night and the night before. Not that she cares as she got a memory foam pillow for Christmas and is sleeping the best she has ever slept.

Bamgee went to her mum's for Christmas day and TJam, Chips and Beanz went down to London for the family experience. They had a wonderful time, with loads of food, presents and visiting. In fact I don't think they were desperate to come home. But they had to because of ME! By Boxing day, Brazil was turning out a roast dinner like a professional and she did us all proud. Thank you Brazil!

There has been snow all across the country and this morning there was frost on the inside of the windows. Ok, that is something that needs to be sorted for next winter!

Bah Humbug

Today, Michelle and Kelly came over for dinner. We have put the tree up but TJam has moved the tinsel because I keep eating it.

Spoilsport.

Fliptop Sings

Fliptop "I want that one" Sister arrived in the middle of the night and today she went into Manchester and recorded a CD. It is her first one, hopefully the first of many.

Beanz Wins Prize

Tonight Beanz won a prize in a Christmas party game. We think it is the first thing she has ever won. See? She's not as useless as she looks! Ha ha. I'm just joking Beanz. You know I love you.

Meteor

Last night there was meant to be a meteor shower but when TJam went out to look, all she got was a faceful of rain and all she could see was clouds. This morning, we went to give some carrots to our neighbour the horse, Joseph, and what should we see but the most beautiful shooting star, shoot right over Joseph's stable and break up in front of our very eyes. Us dogs were not overly impressed, but as a human, TJam has been smiling in awe all day every time she remembers it.

Helping

I love helping wrap Christmas presents. All that paper and sellotape to rustle and chase. It's fab.

Sight for Sore Eyes

No, your eyes don't deceive you. There *are* 6 llamas dressed in Santa suits and there *is* a 6 foot tall Santa's helper elf walking between them. 

Shingles

Thought it was going badly before? Yup, well, then TJam got shingles (a nice little virus for the over 60s) so she has been laying around all day feeling sorry for herself for well over a week. Her lovely mum came up to stay and has taken me and Beanz for a few walks, and TJam is supposed to go back to work on Monday. 

England has had its first severe weather warnings but we have only had frost. Bring on the snow! The humans say no, but I say yes yes and yes.

Chocolate Coins

Um, Bamgee, those chocolate coins that TJam bought to give you for Christmas… um… well I kept the foil for you (see photo). The coins were delicious. I wasn't so impressed by the mixed herbs. And the Tesco "Bag for Life"… I'm afraid it was terminal.

TJam was expecting a friend for lunch today. She ran round the shops and tidied up and cooked lunch, although she slipped with the cayenne pepper. When the friend didn't turn up, she checked her mail only to find it is not til next week. At least her friend didn't get her head blown off.

Clothes Horse

Silky, don't read this, it will only upset you!

TJam went out all pleased with herself today as she said, "I'll put this back door key on my keyring today so if the dogs try and get upstairs, I will just come round the back." Then she drove off to work, only she went to the wrong site and was late for a meeting, there were no parking spots so she decided to park on this gravel bank, but her wheels got into a spin on the gravel. Luckily, she didn't have to resort to someone pushing her off, she got traction at the last minute. When she came home, we had knocked the clothes horse over again. TJam didn't even break her stride.

She triumphantly pulled out her keys and said, "Ha ha! Lucky I put the back door key on here!". Only the back door key was inside with us, and she had two front door keys on her key ring. 

She looked like she might cry like a girl but she held it together and called on a very muscley neighbour to ask if he had the wherewithals to smash a window and let her in. He had a better idea though and rammed the door open til the horse bent and he let her in. She won't be hanging any clothes on the clothes horse any time soon. Nor will she be able to use it for anything else. 

She doesn't care though. We have all our windows in tact. Although how long that will last, I wouldn't like to say.

Door Jam

RATE TJAM'S DAY on a scale of 1-10.

 You can email me and rate TJam's day to help her do a reality check and decide if it was as bad as she thinks.

 First it was a Monday 6.30am when she had to get up, after a late night at the weekend. Dark and cold and she had to go to work. She says she has got pee emm tee too. It means she shouts a lot a falls over a lot and drops things a lot.

She left the house after carefully putting the clothes horse against the stair gate (read our October blog entry for details of why this was necessary) and the putting another piece of the clothes horse on top of the first to make a high "ladder" contraption to stop me getting upstairs and eating the cat food. The traffic was terrible and she was late for work. The day went badly but we don't talk about work here.

While she was out, I had a little go at getting upstairs anyway but I knocked the clothes horse over and wedged it between the stairs and the front door. At lunch time, TJam's van pulled up and TJam got out, unlocked the front door, opened it half an inch and then started banging the door and screaming, "Let me into the £$%ing house. You've been trying to get upstairs you greedy little ^£&$s. Now I can't open this &^%£ing door".

She banged the door a lot but she didn't come in to give us our lunch. I hid in the crate and rolled my eyes and wagged my tail helpfully. Then she screamed, "Right. That's it. If you have to mess everything up then you just do what you *&^%ing well want. I can't get in and you can't have any lunch and IT SERVES YOU RIGHT!"

And she turned around and went and sat in the van phoning her friends to see if anyone of them had her back door key, or if she would have to break the window to get in. Then she drove off.

And we didn't get any lunch!

In the evening she climbed over the back fence in her full work clothes and came in the back door. We were so glad to have our lunch see her.

Lucky her, it was dark so she got to keep us on the lead and trudge round the roads for 4 miles in the freezing cold.

Walking and Jumping

We went for a lovely walk with Julie, Will and Alice in Madchester. Alice held a bottle up and I jumped high to try and get it.

Dirty Stop Outs

TJam went for a lovely dinner and catch up with Janet, Kerry and Jo. We went too because there were fireworks and we couldn't stay on our own. Then we all stayed the night. We fell asleep. You may not already know this, but there is a time that is called three therty aiy em.