Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Please would you bring me a new paper bag to play in? My one is getting a bit torn.

I have been good all year.

Love from

Carlsberg

xxx

Wonderphone

- by TJam

You will never believe what has turned up. Remember the disaster week with the phone and the cat and and and... ?

Well, I got a phone call yesterday and through the post today came MY MOBILE PHONE. What a story it has to tell, I'm sure. Maybe it should become a contributer to this blog.

I'm off to order a bunch of flowers for the finder. Restores your faith in the human race.

Ice Skating

- by Chips

Today the humans went ice skating. It has been about 15 years since they last went. Just like riding a bike, only colder and wetter and more laughing. They weren't great but there were no terrible falls and no broken bones.



The sign at the side of the rink said, "No dogs on the ice, except assistance dogs".

I wonder which part of their training includes ice skating. Those assistance dogs are cleverer than I thought.

My Dog Ate my Homework

- by TJam I have a nasty Christmas card related injury. So if you don't get a Chrismas card from me, this is why. I am being very brave about it but A&E are on standby.

Cold and Frosty Morning

- by Beanz

This morning it was cold and frosty so I had to do everything at 100 miles an hour and 6 inches off the ground.

Lovely Fire

- by Carlsberg Mmmm we have got a lovely fire and it is just perfect for my bald spot.

Beanz came home from class yesterday with a medal on. It was from her teacher. TJam had tried to take a picture to put here but she is rubbish at taking photos and it was all blurry. She did look smart though.

Thoroughly Modern

- by TJam

Carlsberg is doing much better but her ex-stitches are itching. Here is her bald patch and you can see teeth marks in her thigh from "the bite".

This evening, Silky took me for my hair cut to Mr Noir, her hairdresser. Luckily I am not that shy. I asked for his advice, and he told me I needed to go modern because my hair was so old-fashioned. So he whipped out his razor and chopped the whole lot off. Call me Britney (only not as well paid, obviously). He then announced to the shop what a lovely cut it was and made everybody look. It is different, but there's no denying, he's a wizz with the razor.

My ears are cold and I need to buy some hats.

Quick.

Can I go out?

- by Carlsberg

My stitches are out and I didn't have any antibiotics today. I'd like to go outside now please.

(Carlsberg, it is freezing and you are half bald. I think it is best if you stay in for a while - TJam.

PS you are grounded. And thank goodness for insurance. Apparently this bill went into 4 figures fairly early on in the game. Wonder if it will cover the cost of fencing you into the back garden...)

Golden Girl

- by Beanz

If I look like I'm not concentrating in this photo, it's because I'm EXHAUSTED from my 2 hour test. It was worth it though, because I am now a Kennel Club Gold Citizen! Who would have thought it? Luckily, there was not a squirrel chasing section, or I might not have passed. Hooray for me.

Honey I'm HOME!

- by Carlsberg TJam came to Petmedics today to collect me. I jumped into my box pretty quickly, I can tell you. I am not too keen on my lampshade collar, but I am glad to be home. I have adopted the dog bed, and nurse Beanz and Dr Chips are taking it in turns to watch over me. From the floor.

I have got two sets of stitches in my belly and I'm a bit sore. TJam had a look on the computer screen when the nurse went out of the room. It says my prognosis is better but I have a lot of infection. Thank you to everyone who has asked after me.

And now, back to lounging around on the settee in front of the telly.

Under the Radar

- by Chips

What with all this hoo har with the cat (who is bright and walking around and expected home by the end of the week), I think my little "going through the compost bag to pick out any apple or carrot related goodies" has slipped under the radar. Yipee.

Carlsberg Update 2

- by TJam

Long term fans (hahahhaa) of jumpthedog.com will remember the incident when we thought Carlsberg had been shot, but in fact, she had a terrible abscess (and then went missing and Beanz found her under a car etc etc).

I have just got off the phone from the vet. It seems that our Carlsberg was not hit by a car at all, but has (you guessed it) a massive abscess. Another bite to the back and gravity took its toll. She has drains in and they will phone me tomorrow to give me an update. If they can beat the infection, things are looking a lot more hopeful. I might start writing my Christmas cards afterall.
I am thinking about caging in our back garden. I'm not sure I can go through this again. At least not until next door's ginger tom has moved on.

Carlsberg Update

Carlsberg is on her way to theatre now. Make or break.

I was a little concerned when I was told "he" was on his way to theatre. I would have thought sexing a cat was fairly early on in vet school training.

Then I realised it was the receptionist I spoke to. As long as she is not doing the op, I don't feel so worried. Although how anyone could think Carlsberg is a boy's name, I don't know.

An Unhumerous Update

- by TJam

Last week, I had an exciting day in London. I took pics on my fab new phone (cheers Abz) and wanted time to blog properly and share my experience of being IN THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT and my trip round London, and the pigeons and and and...

But things caught up with me and it has been planning and photocopying and emailing, and I wanted to wait til I had time. We had our fab weekend this weekend and I wanted to write about that too.

But now my phone (and photos) have gone into the vortex. Disappeared. It was in my pocket. Then it wasn't in my pocket. Nowhere to be found. And it was set to silent so I can't even ring it. So if I owe you a text, sorry. And I probably don't have your number backed up anywhere cos Father Christmas was going to bring me a sim card backup thing but now it's too late.

But worse than that, I have just taken little Carlsberg to the cat hospital. She went missing a week ago. We put word out and searched for her, but no sign. And when we got home this evening she was home but very very wobbly and uncomfortable. Long story short, she has been hit by a car and is having "critical care" (according to my bill. Thank goodness for insurance). I don't know how she got home because now she can't even stand, let alone walk. Hopefully her diaphragm isn't ruptured, but her abdominal wall is, and her bladder is where it is not meant to be (on the outside of the abdominal wall). The only upside is that her skin is intact so at least she is "sterile". I think this is a good thing.

True to character, dispite the fact she doesn't even feel like lifting her head, Carls has not been too co-operative with the x-rays and the first set are too blurry. They are going to do some more, and some other vetinary stuff which will hopefully include surgery if they think they can do anything, and then phone us back.

I know I have started every sentence with "and" and "but" and other conjunctions. I have done it on purpose for effect. And anyway, I don't care what the grammar facists say. I've got more important things to worry about.

Carlsberg, we hope you are not on life 10. We hate it when you bring home mice and birds and rabbits. We are not keen on the 6am wake up calls or stalking up and down the bed headboard at 3am. But we love you very much so bloomin well get better. Plus you are this year's Christmas Card. So you HAVE to pull through. I have already posted one out.

Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire

-by TJam

All day long I was humming to myself, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." as I imagined the scene: Me, in front of a roaring fire, loyal dogs sleeping by my slippered feet, chestnuts roasting in the chestnut roaster. Mmmmm. That's the life.

When I got home, I found that in fact, while the fire was still on, the chestnuts were most definitely off, but dog poo on the floor overnight was probably on.

Not Recommended

- by TJam

It is not recommended to drop ripe avocado and salad dressing on the floor and think to yourself, "The dog will come and clear that up," then leave it, then go back to the kitchen, forget you dropped it, step in it and continue on your merry way.

Stair Gate = Closed

-by Chips

While TJam was working on the computer, I just boldly went up the stairs. Yup, just like that! I know I'm not supposed to but the cat food was calling me, and I just had to answer.

It reminded us of the Mars episode, which was 2 years ago and you can watch again here:



Perhaps it is autumn that makes me so hungry.

Anyway, the stair gate is now CLOSED.

ALL THE TIME

FOREVER

(PS TJam is aware of the danger of dogs eating chocolate and you should not try eating Mars Bars if you are a dog. I got away with it this time but DOGS SHOULD NOT EAT CHOCOLATE. If you need the proof, remember this)

Fathers' Fist Fight

- by Beanz

Today, as we were out for our walk, we went past the Sunday morning lads' football match. And as we walked past, one of the fathers* (possibly also a linesman but we arrived too late to see what he was doing before the incident) dealt one of the other fathers serveral blows to the head.

This was all we saw because they were then surrounded by lots of wives** screaming, "STOP!" and to the soundtrack of coaches and refs bellowing, "Come AWAY lads."

What an excellent example to set to your sons on a Sunday morning. After all, it's all in the sportsmanship and all that really matters is a good clean game. How lucky that these men were there to point that out.

There were enough people there to sort it out, so we just moved along. There was nothing to see there.



* Of course, they may not have been fathers, they could have been uncles, dads' partners, step fathers or any other manner of male. The term "father" has been used for alliteration purposes. And brevity.

** Of course, they may not have wives. They may have been any other related female. Or football loving passer-by.

Daddy or Chips?

Today I have faced a moral dilemma of similiar proportion to the Daddy or chips debate.

Happy Saturday before Bonfire Night by the way.

I had planned an evening of You've Been Framed (Best of), Strictly Come Dancing, Robin of Sherwood and Casualty, full volume, accompanied by a loud, random selection of my 20 year span music collection. This (so the plan went) would drown out the fireworks and prevent the pacing, drooling and trying to get under the sofa. I made doubly sure by running a load of whites on 40 degrees and the dishwasher on economical. It was to be made bearable by a nice cold beer. Perfect.

Dogs walked in daylight, we got in at dusk as the first fireworks started. I prepared to drain the national grid.

Disaster.

I hadn't got the beer in.

Leave dogs to freak out alone or forego the beer?

Boy oh boy, I must really really love those dogs.

Me Me Me

- by Carlsberg
I hereby hijack this blog. Because I am so cute and photogenic.

It's all about ME! (To be sung to the tune of McFly)