Assuming

- by Chips

Why does everyone assume that it was me that raided the recycling?

Water Water Everywhere

- by Beanz

I am told we are lucky that we are not on a flood warning, like lots of other people.

I like water (as long as it doesn't come above my elbows) so I was excited that on our walk today, this was our path... And this was the football pitch...
...and the tennis courts...
...and I had a little paddle in the basketball court...

Then, we went to one of my favourite fields and I had a little paddle there too.
The humans say we have had a month's rainfall in a day or something.

We are lucky that round here it is still fun.

I will enjoy it while I can.

TJam is sick of it. She hasn't got any dry clothes.

But we do have a dry house.

PS TJam saw an enormous deer today, but by the time I scented it, she had put me on the lead.

Foiled!

Delayed Gratification (or not)

- by Chips

If, while your owner is out, you break open the special (and delicious) "won't break up in your pocket" treats that have been saved for rewards for your Pets as Therapy visit, then you won't have any nice treats for doing Pets As Therapy.

You have been warned.

Do not ask me how I know this. It will only upset me.

Rabbity Holiday

- by Beanz

Last week we went on our holidays to this fab cottage in the North East. See all those fields around the house? They were FULL of rabbits! It was like heaven. I had to stay on the lead the entire holiday. As soon as we arrived at the house, I dived under the outbuilding.

Yes sireee, I smell rabbits here. Let me at'em!

I went on high alert on day 1, and remained on high alert for 5 whole days. I couldn't go to the toilet for 24 whole hours because I was so busy watching for rabbits.

There were sheep in the fields but I wasn't interested in them at all. Well, I could have been persuaded if they ran really fast, but they didn't really do it for me.

At one point I put my head down a rabbit hole and there was a rabbit in there! I touched it. It ran out. I jumped 10 foot into the air! It was fantastic!

There were rabbits in the walls and the fields were like rabbit carpet.

Even when we went to Hadrian's wall, I had my rabbiting face on:

I did manage to relax for a couple of minutes to have a dip in this lovely refreshing water. My only 30 seconds off the lead for the entire holiday.

And that was my holiday. Next time, I would like to go off the lead and do some proper chasing.

Reasons (Not Excuses)

- by TJam

Reason 1: Why we have not been blogging.

Firstly a big sorry to people who came to read the bin-raiders and we weren't here. It is my fault and the animals are ashamed of me. The reason is a few things were going on (including a holiday that we thought it best not to announce here on account of any burglars that might be passing though). Plus we did not realise anyone might worry about us. Sorry.

Reason 2: Why we decided not to camp last week, but hired a cottage instead.

2008 - the day before we were due to camp

20072006

2006 - just in case you were in any doubt

So, we are not wimps, we have gone with discretion being the better part of valour.

Old Friend

-by TJam

I have recently met up with my oldest friend. We have been friends since we were 4. I'm not going to tell you how long that is.

Her spy name is Towny Farm because she used to live in a town house. It was a house where you had to go UPSTAIRS to get to the lounge! Imagine!

Anyway, here is the Towny Farm family. It was lovely to see her and all her lovely family :)

Punishment or consequence?

- by Chips

TJam is always trying to get her head round the difference between consequence and punishment.

Consequence is what happens because I do something naughty.

Punishment is when something bad happens because I did something naughty.

Anyway, today I forgot myself and barked at another dog in the street. I was eyeballing the dog for maximum pleasure and watched it as it walked behind me.

TJam did NOT tell me there was a lamppost coming up.


I leave the rest to your imagination. Dignity was not involved.

BLAM

I was stunned. I forgot about the dog. I carried on walking.

TJam chuckled in a You've Been Framed kind of way and said, "Serves you right!" in a not very nice kind of way.

So the next time I saw a dog, know what I did? I barked right at it. I resolve only to respond to positive reinforcement from now on.

Curly Fries

- by TJam

I love them. Yum.

And I have found a place that sells them*

Hooray.

* This is an actual photo of my actual lunch.

The Camera Lies

- by Beanz

Humans avert your eyes. The camera lies. I did not roll in fox poo. I do not need a bath. I repeat I do not... what's that sponge? What's that bucket? It's an optical illusion I tell you!

I AM CLEAN!!

Smell how clean I am!

Cut to the Quick

- by Beanz

And no, I am not talking about me being offended by people pointing out my grey silvery bits on my chest and chin.

I mean that TJam was clipping my claws and she actually did cut my quick. I made sure there was plenty of blood so she would feel suitably ashamed. It hurt a bit at the time, but I was well enough to eat a chew and let her clip my other claws.

Here I am, milking my audience. Chips tried to get in on the act with her, "I'm so cute, look at me lifting my injured paw" routine.
But surely no one is going to fall for that.

Quid Pro Quo

- by TJam

Well, I had happily booked a new experience. Outdoor theatre to wish Mum a happy birthday and thank her for keeping my house and 3 animals in tact during my weekend away.

And so we togged up and got a blanket to sit on and a picnic and set off for the walled garden for "chuckles and chills" of the Hound of the Baskerville...

When we arrived at the carpark, there were only 3 other cars there, even though there were only 10 minutes to curtain.

So before we paid £1.50 for parking I checked the ticket.

Why would I have bought 2 tickets for the Sunday evening when I didn't know what time I would return home from a weekend away? And why, in my mind, had I bought tickets for the Monday evening?

No matter. I had bought tickets for the day before, yet we were standing there, the day after, picnic and cushions in hand...

So, Mum nearly killed my dog, and I nearly gave her a birthday present but didn't. It turned out the surprise present was as much as a surprise to me as it was to her. Are we equal?

Or am I just a fool?

Good News or Bad News?

- by TJam

When you have been away for the weekend, it is quite a jolt to hear your (lovely and very appreciated) house and animal sitter say, "Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?"

In true, optomistic style, I opted for the bad news first.

But first you need to know Rules of the House
1. You shall close the stairgate when the dogs are unattended (see here)
2. You shall not leave food items without a cupboard, especially not dark chocolate, which I think we have mentioned, is poisonous to dogs.

"Well," said my lovely housesitter, who we shall call "Mum" for the purpose of this story. I nipped up the shops and I forgot to close the stairgate. Um. I had some dark chocolate in my bedroom.

So what was the good news?

Well, this time, it was only two and a half times a fatal dose, which is really small fry compared with last time. and it was caught in good time and not 6 hours later.

"Mum" had recognised the MO and Beanz and Carlsberg were immediately dismissed as suspects. Not an item of clothing was creased, and yet a bar of chocolate had disappeared from inside its "good as new" wrapper from the bottom of a suitcase. There was only one guilty party in the running.

Luckily, Nero's pal drove a transportless "mum" and Chips to PetMedics, the after hours vet where our vet-phobic canine friend spent an hour in the surgery, throwing up. Ah, the miracles of modern medicine. When they checked in, the vet asked, "Does a cat called Carlsberg live at that residence?"

The shame.

Chips came home none the worse for wear. If a little hungrier.

And so, there is lots of good news. Chips has survived her 2nd bout of chocolate poisoning. I will be updating my info-sheet for future dog-sitters.

And no one will ever leave food not in a cupboard again.

PS I had a good weekend away, if you were wondering. All the better for coming home to the 3 living pets I left on Friday ;)

PPS My first question was, "Did you get a photo?" but Mum is not a professional blogger, and put Chips's health as her first priority.

My Impression of...

- by Carlsberg.

Can you guess who it is yet?

Yes, Bob Carolgees and Spit the dog.

KWWWWIIIIIPPPPP TTTTAAAHHH

Pot of Gold

- by Chips

I was almost the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Just not quite.

Great Start

-by TJam

With a start to the day like this, things can only get better...

Respect - Trainers - Earth

Dear Carlsberg

Whilst searching for the source of a cat-wee smell (which turned out to be my trainers) I found some feline cat paw shaped marks in Steven Patrick's earth and some distinct "covering up of wee" mounds. As you know, Steven Patrick is a 19 year old Cheese Plant and winner of Zoe Ball's Breakfast Show Honours List "Listener of the Year" award 1999. I think that using his pot as a litter tray is a bit disrespectful, even if it doesn't smell.

Please could you use the £4.49/10 litre ethically sourced wood pellets in your tray, or better still... GO OUTSIDE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE CATFLAP AND CATPROOF GARDEN IS FOR?!!? I used up a Christmas and birthday present for the catproofing, so I don't think a bit of appreciation is too much to ask for. Do you?

Love from TJam.

PS I am sorry I blamed you for the trainers. I didn't know trainers could smell like cat wee.

Unless....

You haven't.

Have you?

What's a Mini Trampoline For?

by Beanz

I have discovered a better use for a mini trampoline: Very comfy.

Sunny Days

- by Beanz

Yes, we have actually had a couple of sunny days. Last week it was. During our walk, Chips and I had a little sit down in the long grass.

And miraculously, TJam managed to take a half decent picture of my where I don't look completely dopey.

Quiet weekend

- by Beanz

This weekend we went to the park with Bamgee. I found a lovely blue plastic bottle for a game.

We ignored the extreme frisbee players in the background and I managed to stay away from the picnickers. Bamgee plays a mean game of blue plastic bottle tug.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

- by Carlsberg

It's all been going on around here. As you know, I have been incarcerated in the house for the last 7 months. For my own safety apparently.

So, TJam's dad came up and put some spectacular netting around our fence to keep me in and my mortal enemies out. It took him 2 weeks!

And here we have it, my first minute of freedom:When TJam home from work, she found me basking in the waste honeysuckle, waiting to go in the green bin.
And finally a short film to express my joy: