Sing along now!

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside!
Oh I do like to be beside the sea!
- sung by Chips

This morning, it was chucking it down but TJ still made us all get in the van. Bamgee was soaked before we even started. Then, we drove to the seaside in the pouring rain. How very zen. Rain is not good nor bad. Rain just is.



Wet.

So we got to the beach and the rain stopped. Hooray.
TJ posed with us. Note her new wellies. The others got a hole in them. Didn't last long.

It was still a bit windy and TJ took a not very flattering picture of me with my ears blowing up and with sand all over my nose. It made the humans laugh. Who am I to deny them their pleasure. They won't be laughing when TJ orders a new settee and I dig up the cushions.

Then we met Natty Noo and Roxy (person and dog) and Roxy ran rings round us.

Then we met Medders and Nice Nails (that's their spy names). Medders was friends with TJ when they were at school so they talked and talked and caught up. Meanwhile, us dogs walked along and sat around while the humans had tea and scones. We did get a few chips at lunch time though, so that was a special treat.

We had to come home in the end. We were asleep before TJ had shut the crate door in the van. There is load snoring coming from Beanz's box.

It was a good day. I love the sand and I love the sea. And I love my yellow ring.

Funny Gulpy Thing

- by Beanz

Do any of you other dogs get this weird thing where you keep gulping really hard and then you HAVE TO get out and eat loads and loads and loads of grass like a thing possessed. You can't walk along or anything, you've just GOT TO eat grass. And if there is no grass, anything green and leafy will do (even raspberry leaves at a push). It has happened to me twice today.

Does it happen to you? What is it? Is there anything that makes it go away apart from eating grass. TJam is not that happy if I HAVE TO go out to eat something green at 3am.

Calling the RSPCA

- by Chips

TJ is making me go out for a before-bedtime-wee. It's cold out there! Call the RSPCA. Tell them i'm not fed enough and I have to go out in the cold. Tell them I have to work for all my treats. That is downright taking advantage. Tell them I can only get on the settee and dig up the cushions when no one is in the house and TJ has forgotten to put the guitar on the seat to stop me. My life is misery I tells you! MISERY!

That memory stick has turned up, but so has a shipload of work, chores and deadlines. I'm neglected I tells you!

Pathetic

- by Carlsberg

The amount of blogging going on is pathetic. This is because TJam has lost the things for getting photos from her phone onto the computer. She has a memory stick and a wire but she can't find either.

Bravo.

Bed

- by Beanz

The bed is here! It is lovely and luxury and soft and fluffy. Unfortunately, I don't get a look in until Chips decides to let me. Here she is giving it its virgin voyage into the land of nod. See how CLEAN it is. Thank you Dogs Today and Rosewood pets. We heart you!

Happy 21st Fliptop

- by Chips

Last weekend it was TJ's sister, Fliptop's 21st. We all went down to help her celebrate. Beanz made the most of the big garden and sunbathed all day.

In the meantime, I watch Bamgee wrap up the Champagne. This is only for humans. It makes them smile and give dogs more treats than usual.

The humans held their glasses aloft and celebrated the journey from this:

to this:

Happy 21st Fliptop!

Mid-life Crisis

- by Beanz While TJam was at work, I had a go at being an Andrex* puppy. I look disappointed in this picture because I have just realised that I am
a) not yellow
b) not a labrador
b) not a puppy any more

I stand zero chance of being the face of Andrex.
My life is just passing me by.




* Other toilet tissues are available.

Heeling (most of the time)

- by Beanz

Today I have been mostly walking to heel and not getting lost.

Oh, apart from when we went past this field.

As TJ admired the scenery and took a photo (those are ponies in the field), I jumped the 2 foot wall which was a 6 foot drop on the other side. Knew my agility training would come in handy. Chips followed behind me, but TJ couldn't get in because of the barbed wire. So she went round the perimeter fence to find a way in where she would be able to get out again. Well, she got in ok but when she tried to lift Chips out she got stuck. Don't worry, she only got a small stab in the hand off the fence and her tenanus is up to date. In the end she had to give us a leg up over a wall and into the farmer's garden, then make a jump for it herself and run out via the farmer's drive. I don't think putting her hand over her face was much of a disguise but it was the best she could think of and hopefully nobody saw us.

Then I went back to heel and stayed there all day.

Note to Self

- by Beanz

I found this this evening:

The day started well. TJam got an email from Dogs Today to say she had won the photo caption competition, and the best thing? (apart from the fame and fortune obviously) is that the prize is a dog bed! Now, since the old beanbag went a bit smelly, TJam resurrected Jump's old beanbag inner, which was great for a staffie/jack russelly thing, but not so enormous for a collie cross. I don't mind that I am sleeping in a dead dog's bed but I do kind of hang over the edge. TJ has been looking for beds so this is really a blessing.
This evening, I got properly lost. Like 10 real minutes, TJ-feeling-cold-and-sick lost. Not nipping-into-the-bushes-for-a-sneaky-scavenge lost. I was a bit nervous of a man with his 3 dogs. Next thing, I just got freaked out and started running and running. Next thing, I couldn't find Chips and TJ anywhere! I was running around and around. I could hear them calling but I was so freaked out I couldn't use my ears or super-scenting nose. TJam was looking for me and Chips used the opportunity to sniff out and eat a chicken or cooked lamb or something (TJ couldn't see what it was but Chips is feeling rough now and looking like a barrel - serves her right TJam says).

So eventually the man caught me and put me on his lead and ran back to where he could hear TJ calling. I was so relieved to see everyone I just sat and looked at them and looked at them some more.

With all TJ reads on Doglost and all the posters she puts up for other dogs and the 3 that have been stolen round here recently, TJ didn't know if she would get me back. I am nice and friendly after all. So the moral of the story is that there are really nice and kind people in the world. People that will run themselves out of breath for a dog and then won't give their address so you can give them some beer to say thank you.

Now the fire is lit. I am laying on my tiny beanbag and all is well.

And not boring.

Letting the Cat into the Bag

Dear Bamgee

Thank you very much for my present. I love my new bag very much indeed.

Love from
Carlsberg
x

Unusual Sight

- by Chips


Today, TJ saw an unusual sight in someone's garden. Cool huh?

In other news, I am feeling completely better :)

Dog Sick

- by Chips

The clue to this post's topic is in the title. There are no photos. The feint of heart and emetophobes turn back now. Dog owners continue. You are bound to be used to this kind of talk.

Personally, I prefer to vomit in a corner or at the very least up next to a wall. Beanz is much more indiscriminate. I don't like to do the deed on anything. I prefer bare floor.

You can add more after-vom entertainment by puking behind a door (lots of screaming, especially if it is behind the front door and your owner has just taken their shoes off, plus lots of huffing, puffing and swearing as your human has to clean under the door). Other recommended places are: next to ceiling to floor curtains (high absorbancy) and on windowsill (high late discovery factor, so the opportunity to return and admire your scene of crime before it is cleared away).

So, this morning, I had used all my favourite spots, and because I have been feeling a little bit poorly sick and I'd tried to manage some breakfast, I felt the urge come over me as I was saying goodbye to TJam as she left for work.

I made that "got to get it up" squelchy noise and TJ tried to get a towel between the corner of the windowsill and her work bag. Obviously, I will not be sick on something so I jumped onto the dog crate and then, my piece de resistance, I threw up WHILE I WAS JUMPING OFF THE CRATE! It was spectacular. TJam watched in awe and gave me 10/10 for artistic interpretation.

A little bit went on TJam's brother's Christmas present but she wiped it off and we don't think he will notice.

I am feeling much better now but I am starving and I was only allowed a spoonful of food. I will sit and watch TJ all evening until she feels guilty and gives me a bit more.

Posh Recycling

- by Beanz

At first TJ thought we had a new cash machine. But no. It is bigger than that.

You see, we don't just have any old "sort your recycling into green glass, brown glass and plastic" any more. Oh no! We now have a hole-in-the-wall, top-of-the-range, put-your-items-into-the-hole-one-by-one-and-watch-the-screen-while-it-analyses-your-rubbish-and-tells-you-whether-it-is-metal,-plastic-or-glass facilities. If you go too fast it even tells you one-item-at-a-time before the rubbish is taken away inside the machine and you hear it being smashed and compacted.

I am sure they have calculated that the energy used to light, analyse, automatically sort and generally power the Recycling Centre is less than the old fashioned way. It is certainly more fun.

So Far So Good

- by Beanz

So far so good - the wellies are holding out nicely. Forgive me if I don't look all that impressed.

Columbo Marathon

- by Carlsberg

Today the dogs and human went to the local reservoir. TJ even managed to get a half decent picture of Beanz not looking dopey.

The dogs had a lovely time playing and running and splashing and being doggie. Not my kind of thing so I stayed home and made sure the central heating stayed on.

I have missed everyone though, so I took every opportunity to sit on TJ's knees. I stepped on Chips once but she snapped teeth which I think means she doesn't like me to sit on her.

Today was Columbo marathon. A whole day of Columbos. Does it get any better? Sitting on your human (with body warmer) surrounded by dogs, fire on and Columbo as far as the eye can see. Heaven.
Purr.

Lunch Out

-by Chips

Well the humans deserted us again at lunch time. They went to the all you can eat buffet at the Chinese. I'm sure Beanz and I would have got more value for money if WE had been allowed all we could eat. TJ managed a pathetic 3 plates of food plus fruit salad. Mmmmmmmm ..... Chinese......

That little baby cousin of TJ's was there. He enjoyed the Chinese food and he charmed the staff and got a look around the kitchen to meet the chef. Too bad I didn't meet him. I would have liked to investigate his pelican bib.

This evening we drove back to The Tip. TJ is now officially mature. How do I know? Because she made a bag of chocolate limes last all the journey down and all the journey back. That is the sign of a mature person. Carlsberg was pleased to see us and she didn't even try to pretend otherwise. We were glad to see her too. A feeder with a timer on is no substitute for your homies.

Party Time for Humans

- by Beanz

Well, we have travelled to Capital City once again to visit TJ's parents and littermates. It was her brother's birthday. He had a cake. Well, he had three quarters of a cake as his parents had eaten a quarter of it the night before.


Then we went for a walk and it snowed!! Yay!

In the evening, the humans went to a party. They left us dogs in the hall. Can you believe it?! We would have made excellent entertainment at a party with nibbles and beer.

It was TJ's cousin's 40th and there was hilarity and cake. TJ smelt of beer when she came home but she says she dzidzn't have mutsch. Happy birthday to cousin EJ

Brrrrrrr

- by Chips

As luck would have it, TJ saw some great wellies in the gadget shop for a bargain price of £5. She got 2 pairs, some denim-look and some red tartan. She mustn't show the red tartan ones to her dad or she will never live it down. The hunt goes on for some plain, comfortable, durable wellies with a good grip. If you know of any, leave a comment.

Anyway, TJ was so excited about the find that she took a photo. (Humour her). Then we set off for our walk. It was beautiful. I went off scavenging and rolling, and the next thing I knew, I was in the canal! It wasn't solid, it was rubbish with water underneath! When TJ looked back, she could see my very worried face and my two paws on the side.

I'm sure the smirk was a smirk of concern. She was going to take a photo of me in the water before she rescued me, but a horse-rider and a cyclist were passing by and she didn't want them to think she was cruel. So she hauled me out (that is what neck scruffs are perfect for) made me pose, soaking wet, shocked and not a little bit cold. It looks like a 1970s picture but that's due to camera shake. TJ was not laughing. It was guffaws of concern for my well-being.

Brrrrrr

Delivery for Beanz

- by Beanz

No, it wasn't another cat tree (besides which we haven't got any space for any more cat trees).

When TJam went to Crufts, she was looking for a collar for me. I am a longish, biggish dog but with a thinnish neck (not scraggy or puny you understand, just slender). So if I get a collar that is wide enough to not strangulate me if I should forget myself and pull forward, it is a good 6 inches too baggy and prone to falling off if I drop my head down.

So at Crufts, TJam was discussing this with the snugglepets people and they have made me a collar nice and wide for substantial dogs, but they have made it short like for small dogs and now I have A COLLAR THAT FITS. Here I am admiring it. They made it specially and posted it out to me today. I will take it for its virgin run tomorrow morning. Yay!

In other, not such good news, the wellies that TJam got at Crufts have already cracked big holes in themselves. We will have to propose TJam to run a wellie testing project and all the companies can give her free samples. These were the worst ever, breaking after only 10 days. A record.

We Can Dream

We were deserted again last Friday and TJam and her sister FlipTop went to Crufts. Yes, they went without us dogs. We are not peddy gree enough. So we spent the day at Pin's house. We love Pin so it was ok.

When TJam and FT got to Crufts, they stood for a little while being overstimulated and shouting, "We don't know where to start! We don't know where to start!". Then they started shopping.

They went and had a look at some dogs. These are well behaved dogs that sit in their stalls until it is their turn to go in the ring. See?

TJ and FT watched the agility. Here is the course. It was very exciting apparently. I would have loved to do that course. Chips and I would both have loved to visit the hamburger stand. Maybe in another life...

Travel

At last Blogger is playing ball again and we can upload photos. Hooray.

A couple of weeks ago, TJam went down to London. She deserted us and went to London. Bamgee's sister came to look after us, so at least there was an up side.

So, it was the night of the high winds (the high winds before the high winds we are experienceing again now).

A train had derailed so TJam arrived at her 11am meeting at 12.30pm. She had a good day in London, met her parents for tea and then got the only train out of Euston that day.

The humans sat for 2 hours outside a station while the engineers did their paperwork. Then they changed train but there were no seats and they ended up in the corridor, which the ticket inspector renamed the vestibule.

True British spirit emerged with the cry, "Polo anyone?", followed by the sharing of polos, sour balls, gummy bears and refreshers. Once the humans had all swapped stories of what they were doing in London, where they were going, and they had laughed about travelling economy class, they all started taking photos of each other. The party was split up when seats became available and TJam arrived home at half past one in the morning. We were very glad to see her. She was very glad to be home, and pleased that the train company is obliged to get you to your station one way or another, even if that involves coach or taxi. Hooray. and hooray for all the people who turned the journey into a fun-fest.

Spot the Difference

Can you spot the difference between these two pictures?

Yes, the one on the right shows a gaping empty space where my gold citizen rosette should be. It has been removed in disgrace. If Chips had had one in the first place, hers would have been gone too.

The ribbon is down in recognition of the fact that someone left a whole cooked chicken in the woods and Chips and I ate it. All of it apart from a thigh bone and a couple of ribs which we didn't have time for before we were located and stopped in our tracks. well we didn't know (or care) that cooked chicken bones are dangerous and it was, after all, delicious.

I'm not sure what I can do to earn the rosette back but I'm too busy enjoying my full belly to think about it really. After all it's only a rosette. It's not like you can eat it. And we've survived the night with no ill efffects. All's well that ends well.

Cat Tree Progress

- by Carlsberg

I am now the queen of the castle. I was never scared of the cat tree, it's just that I decide when I'm ready to go up it, and noone else. Now I'm ready. Plus TJam has been putting my meals up on the top so I didn't really have a choice.

I admit it is quite fun and I can scratch my claws all the way up the ceiling.

There were some Chips' hairs on the top level so TJam left the video camera on while she was out, but it was a false alarm and there was no dog climbing of the cat tree. Disappointing I know.

I have made a breakthrough and gone in the tunnel for the first time. I am a sucker for a piece of tissue paper.

Biodegrading

- by thoughtful Chips

Last night we learned off the TV that biodegradable plastic bags only biodegrade if they are processed in industrial composters because they need to reach high temperatures to break down.

If this is correct, then it is a waste of money and intention to buy biodegradable poo bags because if they go into the normal rubbish, the plastic is as bad as any other plastic.

Does anyone know if this is right?

This is not much of a comedy post, that's the truth. We might start a campaign to bury the poo, not bag it. Remove a clump of turf, push poop into hole and replace clump. It would be a lot kinder to the environment, but would we get fined?

Delivery for Carlsberg

- by Carlsberg

Last week, a parcel arrived at The Tip. TJam was very excited about it. She opened it up and it was something to put together. She thought I needed something to entertain me now I cannot roam the fields and dodge cars, foxes, dogs and next door's cat.

I jumped on the instructions and tore them. Don't want TJam having things too easy now, do we.

Can you guess what it is yet?

The instructions did not say that the structure should be assembled in its eventual dwelling place, because once built, it is too big to move ever again. We will never use the washing machine again as there is no longer space to open the door. TJam wanted the biggest one she could find but they all look a LOT smaller on the internet. Ladies and gentleman, I give you....

-

-

-

-

-

CAT TREE!

The reason there is not a picture of me on it is because it is big and new. Just look at it from my point of view. It goes right up to the ceiling. Plus it is clean. But most importantly of all, TJam wants me to go on it.

Personally I prefer the box it came in.

Floss

We are posting this tribute from Jane in memory of her lovely Floss.

For our beautiful Floss, our special little girl.

You were feisty for a little old lady, but you had such a gentle soul. We’ll forever miss your uncompromising affection, your infectious passion for life, and your special gift for knowing just when we needed a cuddle. In the sunset of your life, I hope we made you as happy, warm and contented as you could ever be. You’ll always be our special little girl and we’ll always miss you.

Love you forever our sunshine girl.

I Knew It

- by Beanz

I knew she wouldn't last.

I have had my tea. Yay for the doleful eye trick. Works every time.

Doghouse

- by hungry Beanz

I am in the doghouse for prancing about like an idiot and willfully running 10 paces in front of TJam so she couldn't catch me. I am in the doghouse for enjoying myself. I don't know why TJam is annoyed. I was just scavenging and sniffing around some people's gardens. She didn't have to come back and look for me. If she had held her nerve whilst hiding behind the tree to try and make me feel lost and scared, she could have stayed where she was.

It is 6.16pm and I haven't had my tea yet. Doesn't TJam know, if the punishment isn't delivered within 3 seconds of the crime, I don't know what I am being punished for? She seems to be pleased with herself though. She'll cave in soon, once she's got it out of her system.

What is it? Wednesday 3

- by Beanz

For a while there, What is it Wednesday was looking shaky as TJam bravely took on the mighty Norovirus and lived to tell the tale. (Thank you to Bamgee for walking us on Sunday. You're fab!)Then a combination of The Vicar of Dibley and this morning's weather provided the perfect scenario.

Cryptic clue: Turkish Delight

Getting Cheeky

- by Carlsberg
Next door's cat is getting cheeky. She is walking on my fence. I have been growling at her but she torments me. I am the cat up on the shed. The one with the good looking behind. My nemesis is the blobby one on the fence. Pah. Her legs are even shorter than mine.

Excuse the dirty window that really shows up. TJam didn't have time to clean it before she took the photo. Or bring the 2 socks in off the washing line.

Not Very Good at Goodbyes

477- by Chips (Carlsberg! Go and type 477 on your own posts and leave mine alone)

Tonight is a bit sad because I had my last dog training lesson. Just in case TJam was going to rose colour tint how good I was, I made sure to get up during the down stay. I let TJam get 95% of the way round the room and just as she said, "Oh my goodness, I'm going to get all the way round for the first time EVER!" I got up. Don't want her getting above herself.

I did, however, do my first ever straight sit at heel. First and last.

TJam was a bit sad to finish but she also wants me to do some different things so I can get confident going to different places. She is going to take me on a train. 7////// (Carlsberg! Did I type all over your post? No I did not. Go and play in your paper bag.)

I would like to say thank you to Gail my teacher and Karen, Derek and Chris who are the other bosses (except Chris always used to call me and distract me and laugh when I got in trouble). I hope I can go back and see them but not have to do any work. And I hope we see the other dogs and owners in the park. And I hope they will leave me a message on this blog by clicking on "comments" and then typing something.

The Turning of Tables

- by Carlsberg

In the old days, I used to love getting on next door's roof and teasing my nemesis. She was not allowed out much and sat in the window, boxing the glass to get at me.

I laughed in a silent, cat kind of way.

Heh.

Heh.

Heh.

How the tables have turned since my confinement. I spent a good 15 minutes perched on my shed in eye to eye combat today.

What is It? Wednesday

- by Beanz

At the risk of losing any self respect she may have had, TJam has agreed to put in our reinactment of this Wednesday's film.

If you need a clue, this film is 69 years old but is as fabulous today as it was back then.

I'm a Winner!

- by Chips

Ok so I may not be a gold citizen and I may never be a gold citizen, but I am funny and I am now a competition winner! Click on this link to see how hiliarious I am and what a good sense of humour I have! Ha ha ha. Best not go there if you have recently had surgery. I don't want to be responsible for any burst stitches now...

Dr Beanz's Analysis

- by Dr Beanz

Tjam has come stomping home today. When I questioned her, she described a scene from her post office (that is a place humans go to post letters and such like). She had been posting a parcel, when a senior citizen of a man came in (although, as you will see, not a bronze, silver or gold senior citizen). He made some small talk and got onto the subject of his passport application. I will now outline the exchange and give my commentary. Ahem:

Man: "They're slow in this post office (said in a joking way to indicate friendliness with PO staff). How long did my passport take?! They made me do my photo again." - Dr Beanz says: What, the post office rejected his photo for a bit of post office sport? Surely not!"

Man: "Yes, they made me take my glasses off! And my wife was half smiling and you're not allowed to show your teeth, so they made her do hers again." Dr Beanz says, "Ah now I'm begining to see where this is going. You are abdicating responsibility and blaming the post office for a consequence of your own making."

Man: "Blackies would have no problem though. They put you straight through if you're a blackie!" Dr Beanz says, "Woah, I didn't see that coming. Hold on while I shake myself down and analyse this. Well sir, maybe "blackies" read the passport application instructions and do it right the first time."

Dr Beanz says, "Grrrrrr"

Gotcha!

- by Chips

Today is our gotcha day. It is 6 years since TJam learnt why people say you should never get two dogs at the same time. 6 years since she learnt the wisdom in not just turning up at the dogs' home with the intention of getting, "2 black dogs". 6 years to ponder why someone would put a 5 month old puppy in the home because it was too boisterous. 6 years to wonder how anyone managed to actually dump me, Chips, the GPS/velcro dog, and get away from me long enough for me to become stray.

And so it was, that fateful night 6 years ago, that TJam drove home with her two black dogs in the boot of her Nissan Micra (parcel shelf removed), and that I had to stand in a pool of Beanz's carsickness and a little diarrhea to boot.

She brought us into the house. Beanz was a lot cuter than I remember actually:

and although she was very energetic, she got tired easily.

I came into the house and jumped straight into my cardboard box bed and tackled a raw hide chew.

I was already grown up so there are no cute or embarrassing puppy pictures of me. I also had a new collar that I had not had a chance to decorate with fox poo yet.

Those first couple of days, we didn't know that Beanz would soon be seeing the sea for the first time, and being not very impressed with it:

We didn't know that she would like sand:

It was a few days before I raided my first bag of dog food (although I did manage an entire, 5 days worth saucepan of chick pea curry while TJam had nipped to the loo during the "simmer gently" phase).

And TJam was blissfully unaware that I was soon to jump through our 7x3 foot window (since reinforced) and prance up and down the main road into town until the farmer managed to catch me and call the police so they could go and get TJam from work so she could take me to the vet and I could have 7 staples and remove 4 of them myself by the time TJam had paid for my treatment.

TJam also didn't know that the window would be outsize and need ordering, so our house would be boarded up for 3 days.

Nope, at that time, we were just two bewildered dogs, getting to know our new home. I established my place at the top of the food chain quickly of course, while Beanz was still smaller than me. Imagine. She was the small one!

And that night (in the days when people still had video cassettes as you can see. You may need to google "video cassettes". They were like audio casettes but.... you've never heard of an audio cassette? floppy disc? oh never mind), we cuddled up together and got into the new vibe.

Happy gotcha day to us and I wonder if TJam will make us a special tea to celebrate.