Doe a Deer

- by Chips

You see that black dot in the middle of this picture, with the white bit?

It is a deer's bottom.

If you are particularly interested in deers' bottoms, you will need to zoom in.

Parlour Game Failure

- by Beanz

Now that TJam has YouTubed the TV programme you had to guess, it would seem she has remembered it completely wrongly and there is very little train trackage involved in the real thing.

Listening to the music did bring a tear to her eye and she resolved to track down the series on DVD. (Obsessive? TJam?)

So, we urge you to do better than we did at your first attempt and we share with you the closing credits so you can get the whole moving-on feel and perhaps understand where the traintrack misunderstanding came from.

"What is it?" Wednesday

- by Beanz

If you are TJam's mum, aunt or technophobic friend, you might not know what this is about. Chips, Carlsberg and I are new to "the blogging community" but from what we see, loads of people read each others' blogs and make friends. Sometimes they do the modern equivalent of parlour games: they set each other challenges or projects which are fun and building of the community spirit.

Now that we have forayed into this new dimension, TJam hopes it is not too early for us to set a project.* Traditionally it seems to be linked to a day of the week. We were going for film friday but it is only Wednesday and we couldn't wait that long. Besides which, this Friday is special to us for another reason and there won't be room to fit a film in as well (brace yourself). Alternatively, we might just not link it to any day at all.

The challenge is this:
Recreate a film or tv programme of your choice in a film or photo and other people have to guess what it is.

This is our first attempt, inspired by my backside and the railway line**

If you were not around in the late 70s, early 80s, you might not get it. If you were, sing along and do the chorus accapelo.

* If it is too early and we have created a blogging faux pas, I'm sure the blogging police will put us right. We respond best to positive reinforcement officer.

** NB this is a model railway line and the trains do not run at this time of year. No dog was harmed or endangered during the making of this video.

PS Join in! We are not going to tag anyone, join in when you feel the urge.

Assessment and another Word to the Wise

- by Chips

Tonight we went to the vet for our assessments to be PAT dogs. Beanz was a model citizen of course but I was a bit nervous. In my defence, I was mainly nervous because they did it AT THE VET. That would be the place where I get an injection every time I visit and a thermometer stuck up my bum at the very least. For all I knew they were going to put me to sleep and whip something out. Or worse, put me on a diet.

Anyway, I put up with most things but I wasn't what you would call enthusiastic. Still, the important thing is we have tried. If it's not for me, it's not for me. Next we have to send off out passport photos. Ha ha. I wonder if TJam will take us into a photobooth.

My word to the wise is this: If you make pancakes, don't use flour that has been in a plastic container for over 12 months. Apart from the veavels (extra protein), the plastic gives the pancakes a horrible taste and spoils the whole flipping and tasting experience. No amount of cheese and jam, sugar and lemon or ice cream and chocolate sauce can hide it. TJam had to give up on her 3rd one once she had exhaused all the options. She will go shopping and try again tomorrow. If you have a dog, I recommend you let them have a taste. Not like here. We weren't even allowed in the kitchen.

Thinking....

- by Beanz

I am going to accept this award on behalf of Chips and Carlsberg because I am the one who likes to think. It is a great honour to be given this award by Graham, Prince and Tilly Too especially because I have only just met them (virtually of course. You should never meet internet people in real life if you haven't even met them on the internet yet).

It is the thinking blogger award.



Here is some evidence, should you need it, that we are very thoughtful. Here I am, doing my most thinking face, pondering by the light of a pumpkin's grin...


Here are the rules attached to the Thinking Blogger Award:



1. You must write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think. (No squirrel or cat blogs, they'll just make you hungry.)

2. Acknowledge and link to this post.

3. Optional: Proudly display the 'Thinking Blogger Award' with a link to the post that you wrote.

4. Tell your humans to fork over the treats!



Now, passing it on is a hard one because I know that Marvin has already had a thinking award, and I just gave a best friend one to Mack and the SUMDs, so I will choose the following:

Randi: because I like his blog and I think about him and his brother.

Finding Beau: we have discussed this a lot in our house. It is such a long time ago and yet we still want Beau to come home... we think a lot about this and lost dogs in general.

Alan Martin: This is his personal blog, and I hope the link to his video (below) works. Not only does he challenge TJam to think about her attitude to so many things, situations and people, but he is also has an amazing talent of putting everybody (and we mean EVERYBODY, even TEENAGERS) at their ease nd joining in in no time at all. Not bad for anyone, before mentioning that Alan couldn't say a word until he was 31 and his friends clubbed together to get him his first communication aid. Now he is a self employed dancer, actor and activist, volunteer, role model and working full out to help others fulfil their potential. He makes us think what communication is about in its fullest form. Respect.

Steve Don't Eat It! This page pleases the dogs and humans in this household. Chips and I are in awe. TJam laughs a lot and gags a lot. Wholesome fun for the whole family. Well, for those who enjoy the odd swear word anyway.

Badger That! We liked this blog because everyone had spy names (although they weren't called spy names, just not real names) and because it was the blog that inspired us to put more photos on our own pages. Read Badgers award winning post of the week.

Ok, so that is 5 links and now for a photo that should make YOU think. How comes I am so much bigger that Bamgee? I could EAT her! hahahaha.

TJam - hand over the treats. We're award winners now you know. I'll have a tripe stick to start, and Chips will take a Kong stuffed with cat food. In fact, make that two....

Doggy Maths

- by Professor Carlsberg


Although the photography is not very good (blame my staff), here is a good doggy illustration of the mathmatical concept of inverse proportionality. The size of the bottles collected on this walk are inversely proportional to the size of the dog that collected it (but proportional to their position within the hierarchy). Meouw. Now open my pouch of duck in gravy.

Ooops

- by Beanz

Ooops I was so proud about our best friend award by Marvin 007 and three quarters, that I forgot to pass it on! What kind of best friend am I?!

Anyway, I would like to award it to the SUMD and Mack the poolovinmutt.

Writings from the Not So Sick Bed

- by Chips

Ooo I do feel much better today. I have wolfed down breakfast, dinner and tea and had a chew stick besides. I tried to persuade TJam that I needed some chips and mushy peas but she was having none of it. Meany.

TJam has been on the phone today to a Co Aww Dinator. She has put my and Beanz's name down to do Pets and Therapy (PAT). That would mean we could go and visit people who aren't allowed to have pets, like people in nursing homes or hospices.

We have to be assessed first. I should think they don't want irreverant happenings to let the charity name down. Or for us to do anything too unexpected on a cardiac ward. We have to take a form to the vet on Friday. That is the first step.

At first, TJam thought I shouldn't mention it in case we don't pass the assessment, but I said, since we have already aired all our dirty laundry in public, we have nothing to lose and at least we will raise the profile of PAT animals. Then TJam reminded me that we do still have a couple of stories (and photos) saved up for a rainy day. It is our gotcha day soon so maybe we will get to air them then.

Carlsberg has not put her name down. Although maybe she should because she is a lot of fun and she has got a lot more friendly since she lived at home. Even if her claws are a lot sharper and need clipping again. Maybe we will get her a harness. She is hours of fun, especially now she has discovered catnip. I will ask her to tell you all about it one day.

Flooding, Monsters and a Poorly Friend

- by Beanz

We have had a busy weekend. We went to Madchenster (that's its spy name) and when we went for a walk this morning, my park was completely flooded! You can see the little bridge over the stream is almost completely under water. I had a good paddle and splash around, but Chips has not been feeling herself so she just had a little drink.
We couldn't walk across the park (I did try but TJam's new wellies sprung a leak and Chips didn't want to) so we went a different way. We found a funny bench with a monster thing at the end. I had a good old bark at it at first but once TJam had balanced a couple of treats on its nose, I didn't mind it so much. I don't really like fake animal model things. Chips was not bothered and she got on the bench and admired the intricate carvings until I was ready to pose.

Chips was feeling a bit better this morning. On Friday she didn't eat her lunch or her tea. That is the first time she has ever been actually poorly (and not in some kind of accident or escapade, too numerous to name here). So even though she is no stranger to the vet's it was odd that we didn't know what was wrong with her. The only time she has ever refused food was when she had secretly eaten half a bag of dried dog food. No one knew so they thought she might have bloat and TJam had to fork out £56 after hours vet care.

Anyway, this time, she had a high temperature so she got some antibiotics and painkillers. They did her good Saturday and Sunday morning, but this evening she didn't eat a chew stick so we are watching her again. She is feeling sorry for herself. I am being good and not getting jealous of her. TJam says I have had my fair share of medical emergencies and I am not to a) catch anything and b) fake anything for the attention. No danger there. I do not want to miss my walk in case they have had a party at the rugby club over the weekend and there is some hoovering up to do. Monday morning is hoovering morning.

Sleep it off Chips. I miss you boxing me and biting my neck when I am trying to nibble your face. It is boring when you just turn away sadly.

Words to the Wise

- by Chips

1. If you roll in fox poo, make sure you have just been frontlined (other flea prevention products are available). Then you can't be bathed because it will wash off £5 worth of chemicals.

2. If you are a human and you find out that your supermarket Brand Oven Bottom Muffins are vegan, don't get too excited. They are not the same muffins of your childhood, they are in fact, bread rolls. You can buy some raspberry jam specially, but that will only fool you part way. Bread is bread and muffins are muffins.

Dreaming...

- by Chips
It has been so rainy and horrible that I am cheering myself up with a little remembering of last year's camping trip, when I got time to read my magazine with Bamgee (that's her spy name) out in the sun. Sun. If I think really hard about it I can just about remember what it is like. In this picture, Bamgee is helping me with some of the longer words.

Little Venture

- by Carlsberg
I have had a few little jaunts out the back and had a good scratch of the shed thing. Then I had a little sit on the chair. Then I came in. It's cold out there.

Rain, Rain Go Away

-by Beanz

Rain. I am not impressed. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind a bit of rain but I don't like still being wet indoors. I am quite bored of the whole rain thing. I don't like wearing a coat cos I can't sit down in it. It feels funny.

I have been prompted to add that we are lucky here and at least we are not flooded. I am a dog. That kind of meta-appreciativeness thing is for humans to be grateful about. (I am glad to be in a warm house though). And TJam is feeling for all those on flood alert.

PS Rain, don't bother coming back for another day any day soon.

PPS Thanks

This is the Life

- by Beanz

Ahhhh luxury.

Meanwhile...

- by Carlsberg

The enclosure is up and done! but I haven't got a photo yet. I nipped out briefly a couple of times but it is FREEZING out there, especially since my fur hasn't fully grown back since my surgery. Plus I haven't been out for 6 weeks (apart from my brief break for freedom on Tuesday when I made it half way down the garden before getting overwhelmed and allowing myself to be caught and brought back in) so it's all a bit much for me.

In the meantime, while I was building up my strength, I noticed TJam had left the lid off the dog food. I had a taste, and then a bit more of a taste. It is actually very nice. And there's just so much of it!

Back Porch Activity

- by Chips
There has been a lot of Back Porch Activity today. At first I went out to watch but it was a bit cold so I left TJam's dad out there, doing his thing.

Now that Carlsberg has had two life-threatening abscesses (and numerous other kinds), her wanderings are being curtailed. The humans have begun fencing in the porch, as a temporary measure until we can secure the garden. Then we can have the back door open again, and Carls can get some fresh air. Her stinking litter tray will be better off out there aswell.

Work went on until after dark. This is a serious project.

If I am feeling gangsta, I will pretend that it is a cage to stop drunks throwing bottles at us. Or maybe that it is bulletproof. Then we can sit outside and look well 'ard.

Reservoir Trip

- by Chips
TJam's parents arrived last night and this morning, we went to the reservoir. It was a bit grey but still very beautiful. Here is TJam's mum, whose spy name hasn't been decided yet. She can always get my attention by putting her hands in her pockets. In fact Beanz and I love anyone who puts their hands in their pockets.

Spot the Cat IV

- by Carlsberg

I have to thank the great Father Christmas for this great present...

...that has made my fourth "Spot the Cat" feature possible:

(TJam has asked me to add that the house is now looking a lot tidier now that she has finished tidying it with an hour in hand until her parents arrive...)

Bin-raiding

- by Beanz Ok, so I am not a professional bin-raider. Not in the Chips league. But if Chips and TJam go out and leave me alone with a bin, then this is what they will get. It may only be a pile of rubbish, but it's my pile and it's my rubbish.

A First

- by Beanz
Well, today is a First. I have been given a Best Friends award by Marvin! He is my new online friend. I liked him because he looks like me (or I look like him). Now I like him because he his funny and friendly and kind.

Thank you Marvin. I am honoured!

In other news (because I am not allowed to get bigheaded), TJam is frantically cleaning the house. Her parents are coming to stay this weekend. We have yet to give them spy names. The possibilities are endless but TJam doesn't want to be excommunicated.

By the way, if you want a spy name for use in this blog, leave a comment for what you would like to be known as.

Spot the Cat III

Spot the Cat II

Spot the Cat I

- by Carlsberg
In the (fading) spirit of Christmas, I would like to re-launch my "Spot the Cat" feature. Here is my 12th night offering. See if you can spot me.

Happy New Year

- by Beanz Happy New Year to Everyone!

It has been a cold start to the year and I managed a walk on the pond. I couldn't stop sniffing it. It was very exciting.

We have been overhauling the blog too. No more human postings. It's animal only. And we are giving pseudonyms to all our human friends to avoid identity fraud. And because it's much more exciting and gangsta that way.

TJam (as she will now be known) would have liked to be a spy, if she had been clever enough. Unfortunately she is not. Well, fortunately for us, because otherwise she would be off, saving the world, when there are more important things closer to home, like feeding US.

Anyway, at the risk of repeating myself, happy new year to everyone.

(And kudos to all of us who managed to sleep in the humans' bedroom on the pretext of being scared of New Year Fireworks. Worked like a charm)

2007 Index

In January it was very quiet. We tried a new agility class and Beanz caught a stray sheep but didn't hurt it. In fact, Beanz did a lot of chasing. TJam's teddy wrote to his makers and Chips ate a chilli. Ann and Ron got Benny.

In February TJam took up knitting, Chips ate lots of things and Uncle Gardener turned 70.

In March, Flat Stanley came to stay and someone stole the dog food off our drive.

In April, Chips survived chocolate poisoning (with the help of diazepam) and TJam took some photos at dog training.

In May, TJam ordered a new wardrobe.

In June, the wardrobe arrived. Chips got her silver Kennel Club Citizenship and ate 5 fatballs. Our friend Barney turned 16.

The month of July saw the rediscovery of Pipkin, TJam got new bras and touched a toad. Carlsberg dropped a mouse on the bed and it ran on TJam's face. Beanz hurt her leg and TJam got a new hoover.

In August, we went on Pin and Huddersfield Town's new decking and then we went camping. Fliptop's cat had kittens and TJam ate 1-year-old margarine. TJam also took up photography and accidentally ate some icecream.

In September we went to London and met the queen cousin Xaja.

In October Chips and Beanz ate and chased doggie things, we dirtied Pin's cream coat and learnt how to put video on our blog (squirrel chasing and cat cartoon).

In November, Carlsberg was very very poorly We re-ran the mars bar video for old time's sake.

In December, Carlsberg got better, the humans went skating, Beanz got her Gold Citizen and went to the dog training Christmas party, and we had lots of Christmas celebrations.

Sneaky

- by Chips

Just wanted to sneak a last bin raider photo in before the end of the year. A beauty, even though I say so myself, a fine example of an overnight project.

Happy New Year everyone!

Christmas Games

- by Beanz

I have had a good play with my new Father Christmas...

... and Chips has given the snowman a run for his money...

... and now I'm exhausted.

See you all in the new year!

xxx

Father Christmas 33 years on

- by TJamThe Old Chap seems to have come a little way in terms of image since 1974. Although he still keeps young children (and me) awake at night with excitement, and he still eats his mince pie and drinks his sherry before wizzing round the world, he certainly wears more clothes these days and the startled look has mellowed with time. He has give the lobsters back their hands and gone for a more human look all round.


A merry Christmas to everyone. Hope this merry gentleman has done you proud. He has been very generous to us all this year although I'm sure the neighbours won't be happy about the guitar and the squeaky toys.

Christmas Presents

- by Chips

Our Christmas present to Joseph the horse was 2kg of carrots.

TJam forgot to put them away overnight.

We took him his one carrot this evening. He looked a little disappointed with just the one, but he was very gallent and ate it appreciatively.

Saturday Before Christmas

- by Carlsberg

This evening, I thought my luck was in. My very own Saturday Before Christmas dinner! Here I am considering whether to start with the wine, food or cracker...

... until I was ousted and the humans tucked into their Saturday Before Christmas dinner:

I had to make do with a brand supermarket Lamb in Gravy sachet. Not really comparable.

Cold and Frosty Morning Part II

- by Beanz

I just love ice. Love it!

Training Christmas Party

- by Beanz

Today we had my Christmas party. I did very well. First we had the Fancy Dress. Noah won.

... and I came second, dressed as a Heinz Baked Bean in tomato sauce.

Then we did our tricks. Archie won with his "collecting the shopping, putting it in the shopping basket and carrying the basket" routine...

and I came second with my rendition of We Wish You a Merry Christmas plus a little dance.

Then we had fastest recall and musical sit. And I WON THEM BOTH!! I enjoyed myself so much and TJam says I am now worth every penny of the £60 she forked out for me at the dogs home. I won her a packet of chocolate buttons and lots of things for me. Thank you Gail!

Then we had musical chairs. I was first. First out. I had to sit and watch from the side. Disgraced.

You can see Lucy making a bid for glory. I can only look on, forlorn.

Trixie came in her Christmas gear...

... and so did Tacu ...

... and Coral.

Henry's fancy dress made us laugh, but he didn't mind.

Other joiners in of Reindeer games were Holly...

... Angus ...

... and Milly.


Asbo was also there but my photo of her didn't come out well. Sorry! Blame the photographer.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Please would you bring me a new paper bag to play in? My one is getting a bit torn.

I have been good all year.

Love from

Carlsberg

xxx

Wonderphone

- by TJam

You will never believe what has turned up. Remember the disaster week with the phone and the cat and and and... ?

Well, I got a phone call yesterday and through the post today came MY MOBILE PHONE. What a story it has to tell, I'm sure. Maybe it should become a contributer to this blog.

I'm off to order a bunch of flowers for the finder. Restores your faith in the human race.

Ice Skating

- by Chips

Today the humans went ice skating. It has been about 15 years since they last went. Just like riding a bike, only colder and wetter and more laughing. They weren't great but there were no terrible falls and no broken bones.



The sign at the side of the rink said, "No dogs on the ice, except assistance dogs".

I wonder which part of their training includes ice skating. Those assistance dogs are cleverer than I thought.

My Dog Ate my Homework

- by TJam I have a nasty Christmas card related injury. So if you don't get a Chrismas card from me, this is why. I am being very brave about it but A&E are on standby.

Cold and Frosty Morning

- by Beanz

This morning it was cold and frosty so I had to do everything at 100 miles an hour and 6 inches off the ground.

Lovely Fire

- by Carlsberg Mmmm we have got a lovely fire and it is just perfect for my bald spot.

Beanz came home from class yesterday with a medal on. It was from her teacher. TJam had tried to take a picture to put here but she is rubbish at taking photos and it was all blurry. She did look smart though.

Thoroughly Modern

- by TJam

Carlsberg is doing much better but her ex-stitches are itching. Here is her bald patch and you can see teeth marks in her thigh from "the bite".

This evening, Silky took me for my hair cut to Mr Noir, her hairdresser. Luckily I am not that shy. I asked for his advice, and he told me I needed to go modern because my hair was so old-fashioned. So he whipped out his razor and chopped the whole lot off. Call me Britney (only not as well paid, obviously). He then announced to the shop what a lovely cut it was and made everybody look. It is different, but there's no denying, he's a wizz with the razor.

My ears are cold and I need to buy some hats.

Quick.

Can I go out?

- by Carlsberg

My stitches are out and I didn't have any antibiotics today. I'd like to go outside now please.

(Carlsberg, it is freezing and you are half bald. I think it is best if you stay in for a while - TJam.

PS you are grounded. And thank goodness for insurance. Apparently this bill went into 4 figures fairly early on in the game. Wonder if it will cover the cost of fencing you into the back garden...)

Golden Girl

- by Beanz

If I look like I'm not concentrating in this photo, it's because I'm EXHAUSTED from my 2 hour test. It was worth it though, because I am now a Kennel Club Gold Citizen! Who would have thought it? Luckily, there was not a squirrel chasing section, or I might not have passed. Hooray for me.