Spooky Coincidences on Halloween

- by Chips

I don't know what gives you the idea that I have been up on the kitchen counter.

Um, no... I don't think TJam left out a tin of catfood... not that I've noticed anway...

It must be a ghost photo...

You're right, it really does look like I've got a tin of Whiskers in my mouth.

Perhaps 100 years ago an agrieved cat vowed never to rest until her tin of catfood was found.

Spooky.

It is complete coincidence that this catfood tin is empty to the depth of 10cm and that my tongue is 10cm long. Who would have thought it.

Happy Halloween! Hope yours is not as spooky as ours.

Snow? In October?

- by Beanz

Here is my photo entitled, "Quick let me back in the house, I need to grow
my winter coat."

Catching Up

- by TJam

There is loads of blogging to catch up with.

Like I have been on a treadmill. It was fun. And we got evacuated from the park so they could use it as a flood basin.

But the first episode of the new series of Spooks is on tonight. Only 3 hours and 10 minutes to go. Just time to walk dogs and have tea.

Hooray. I have been waiting 11 months for this. I feel another fan letter coming on.

TJam's Bad Hair Day

- by Chips

Oh dear. Perhaps TJam should have put her "cheer you up in the morning lamp" to warp 21 this morning.

I know I didn't make it any better but I just couldn't resist going through the bins at the rugby club. Neither could Beanz. She performed a perfect version of her famous "Stand-until-TJam-turns-a-corner-then-run-for-it" move. It's all in the critical distance. Tjam was only saying the other day that she fancied trying CaniX, so I don't know why she was so furious.

And what other choice did we have when we got back from our walk but to shake? If TJam had only left the clean washing in the machine for a week til it went mouldy like she usually does, this would never have happened:

It's not that TJam is anal or annoyed or anything, but she had to go for a 2nd close up, just in case you were in any doubt:

Once it's on the bed she'll never notice.

Sausages

- by Beanz

TJam got these vegan sausages.

When she looked at their name properly she seemed a bit nervous.

I don't know why, and I would be happy to help her out.

(Our American friends may like to read the following extract from Wikipaedia:

"A knacker is a person in the trade of rendering animals that are unfit for human consumption, such as horses that can no longer work. This leads to the slang expression "knackered" meaning very tired, or "ready for the knacker’s yard", where old horses are slaughtered and made into dog food and glue.

"Knackers" is also British/Australasian slang for testicles")

Which begs the question:

Who named these sausages and are they really suitable for vegans?

PS TJam's mum, I hope you did not read this blog entry.

Job Done

- by Carlsberg

Today I jumped on the keyboard and stood for a long time on the delete button so the whole of TJam's inbox was wiped out.

Then I pretended I didn't know what was going on and acted indignant when TJam pushed me off the keys.

That should keep her busy for a while.

Sesame Street

- by TJam

This post is brought to you by the letters W H A T T H E B L O O M I N G H E C K I S G O I N G O and N, and by the number 7.

7 possible titles for this post from TJam's point of view:
1. Bad things happen in 3s
2. Too ashamed to tell you what I did
3. Chocolate
4. I don't know how I'm going to make the last couple of days sound funny
5. Beanz and the Lamb Shank
6. Sorry I was late (I was cleaning up dog sick)
7. You know you're going to be mentioned on this blog when TJam asks you what you want your spy name to be


7 possible titles for this post from Chips's point of view:
1. Mmmm chocolate
2. Mmmm activated charcoal
3. Why did you leave out so little?
4. All's well that ends well
5. Grrr I can't believe Beanz got to the lamb shank first
6. Sorry about the sick in the cupboard under the stairs
7. I'm fine. Will you stop looking at me?

7 possible titles for this post from Beanz's point of view:
1. I must remember to jump up on the kitchen counter in the middle of the night
2. My Lamb Shank
3. My sprint across the field
4. Foiled by the 2 human pincer move expertly executed by TJam and B1B2 (that's her spy name)
5. How to remember where things are and go back to look for them
6. Please don't buy a remote spray collar
7. Well, if you ever think that you have got things under control, of course a dog will have to put you in your place

Possible photos to illustrate this post:

Remember this?

Ah yes, activated charcoal.

Hello old friend.

When I downloaded my photos, I found this one of the sky 2 weeks ago. See
how blue it was that one day.

Lucky we had a meat eating frient with us to identify the booty.

See, we can leave it if we have to. Wait... why are you putting that in the bin?

WAIIIIITTTTTT!

PS Good luck B2

Don't Say I Never Give You Anything

- by Chips (no photos)

The unconditional love of a dog does not have monetary value and I have nothing else to give.

Or so I thought until the other night.

The following morning TJam had a veritable feast of stuff awaiting her. I managed to raid the bin all over the kitchen floor (2 rotting peaches) and leave 3 substantial samples of urine, faeces and vomit in 3 different locations. Got the phone wires in the trajectory, and the desk leg.

Surely TJam could not ask for anything more.

I know she appreciated it from all the squealing and dancing about, collecting souvenirs.

Dizzy Departs

- by Carlsberg

Dizzy

A hazy time around 1991- 1st Oct 2008

It is with feline sadness that I report Dizzy has made her final visit to the vet, and is now in the great cattery in the sky.

Dizzy arrived at TJam's student accommodatioin around the 1991 mark. Her housemate Mandy, overheard a woman in the ASDA queue saying that she had some kittens going, so she took it upon herself to bring one home.

Living in a student house in Madchester, Dizzy used up many of her 9 lives. She slipped on the window ledge and fell out of 1st floor window, she did 2 rotations in a tumble dryer (TJam says she wishes she had reported them to the police. Alex - shame on you) and she attended her fair share of student parties (I'm not saying laws were broken or anything but she wasn't a stranger to passive smoking).

She was a dab hand at the allnight essay writing sessions.

TJam's housemates got a cat they liked better, but that Dizzy didn't like at all. They wanted to get rid of Dizzy and keep the cat that cuddled them. So Dizzy went to London to live with TJam's mum and dad. She used up lives 4 and 5 travelling in a Rover Metro down the M1 at ahem, 70 mph, and when she met their dog for the first time and ran up the curtains.

Dizzy lived upstairs and inventively used the toilet window to enter and exit her penthouse.

And there she lived out her days, with TJam's dad pretending not to like cats and by keeping everyone on their toes by pretending to be friendly and then going for them and drawing blood when least expected.

These last few days she made it clear it was time to check out, and check out she has.

I'll miss your witty comments on my blog (unless... you couldn't... could you?)

Chase a few birds up there for me!

love from Carlsberg

PS Is it too soon to ask if you had any treats left over that you couldn't manage to eat?

Not As It Seems

- by Carlsberg

You might think from this picture that I am lounging around (note the SUN, that is a bright yellow ball in the sky that we see twice a year) on a beautifully cultivated lawn...

but in fact...

TJam has built me the tiniest litter tray of grass for me to eat and use as I see fit.

I suppose it's better than nothing although it wouldn't do for me to grow any more.

PS It was my gotcha day on Monday and there was a distinct lack of celebrating. I am 6.

A Time and a Place

- by Beanz

Is the vet'nery surgery a place for comedy?

Today I had to go the V. E. T. to a certain intimate procedure. Think sacs. Think anal.

So, I was in the waiting room, and my v. e. t. Alex (there now Alex, you're named and shamed) thought it was funny to come into the waiting room, call my name and ping his rubber glove on his upheld hand.

How the humans laughed.

Revenge is best served cold.

Go APE!!!

- by Chips

Look what they are building where we go walking...

It is GO APE!

TJam is excited about the prospect of swinging through the trees (and doing a Tarzan ahhhh-eee--ahhh-eee-ahhhhhhh-eee-ah-eee-ahhhhhhhhh)

and I am excited that the workmen keep leaving their butties out on a tree stump and since they are up the trees, working, they can't get at me to stop me eating them until it is too late. and they don't learn to to leave their lunch out. And they just put a flimsy piece of tape out that says, "Keep Out" in human writing that I pretend I can't read. Yay!

Little Help from my Friends?

- by TJam

Not sure if you can help me out, but my alarm has just gone off to remind me to do something. Problem is, it says, "Feed Pin's fish" and that was last week and now I don't know what I am supposed to be doing. I definitely set it for today at 5pm.

Any ideas?

PS why does the snooze function go off after 9 minutes? Is that to please the people who like odd numbers? Square numbers?

Assuming

- by Chips

Why does everyone assume that it was me that raided the recycling?

Water Water Everywhere

- by Beanz

I am told we are lucky that we are not on a flood warning, like lots of other people.

I like water (as long as it doesn't come above my elbows) so I was excited that on our walk today, this was our path... And this was the football pitch...
...and the tennis courts...
...and I had a little paddle in the basketball court...

Then, we went to one of my favourite fields and I had a little paddle there too.
The humans say we have had a month's rainfall in a day or something.

We are lucky that round here it is still fun.

I will enjoy it while I can.

TJam is sick of it. She hasn't got any dry clothes.

But we do have a dry house.

PS TJam saw an enormous deer today, but by the time I scented it, she had put me on the lead.

Foiled!

Delayed Gratification (or not)

- by Chips

If, while your owner is out, you break open the special (and delicious) "won't break up in your pocket" treats that have been saved for rewards for your Pets as Therapy visit, then you won't have any nice treats for doing Pets As Therapy.

You have been warned.

Do not ask me how I know this. It will only upset me.

Rabbity Holiday

- by Beanz

Last week we went on our holidays to this fab cottage in the North East. See all those fields around the house? They were FULL of rabbits! It was like heaven. I had to stay on the lead the entire holiday. As soon as we arrived at the house, I dived under the outbuilding.

Yes sireee, I smell rabbits here. Let me at'em!

I went on high alert on day 1, and remained on high alert for 5 whole days. I couldn't go to the toilet for 24 whole hours because I was so busy watching for rabbits.

There were sheep in the fields but I wasn't interested in them at all. Well, I could have been persuaded if they ran really fast, but they didn't really do it for me.

At one point I put my head down a rabbit hole and there was a rabbit in there! I touched it. It ran out. I jumped 10 foot into the air! It was fantastic!

There were rabbits in the walls and the fields were like rabbit carpet.

Even when we went to Hadrian's wall, I had my rabbiting face on:

I did manage to relax for a couple of minutes to have a dip in this lovely refreshing water. My only 30 seconds off the lead for the entire holiday.

And that was my holiday. Next time, I would like to go off the lead and do some proper chasing.

Reasons (Not Excuses)

- by TJam

Reason 1: Why we have not been blogging.

Firstly a big sorry to people who came to read the bin-raiders and we weren't here. It is my fault and the animals are ashamed of me. The reason is a few things were going on (including a holiday that we thought it best not to announce here on account of any burglars that might be passing though). Plus we did not realise anyone might worry about us. Sorry.

Reason 2: Why we decided not to camp last week, but hired a cottage instead.

2008 - the day before we were due to camp

20072006

2006 - just in case you were in any doubt

So, we are not wimps, we have gone with discretion being the better part of valour.

Old Friend

-by TJam

I have recently met up with my oldest friend. We have been friends since we were 4. I'm not going to tell you how long that is.

Her spy name is Towny Farm because she used to live in a town house. It was a house where you had to go UPSTAIRS to get to the lounge! Imagine!

Anyway, here is the Towny Farm family. It was lovely to see her and all her lovely family :)

Punishment or consequence?

- by Chips

TJam is always trying to get her head round the difference between consequence and punishment.

Consequence is what happens because I do something naughty.

Punishment is when something bad happens because I did something naughty.

Anyway, today I forgot myself and barked at another dog in the street. I was eyeballing the dog for maximum pleasure and watched it as it walked behind me.

TJam did NOT tell me there was a lamppost coming up.


I leave the rest to your imagination. Dignity was not involved.

BLAM

I was stunned. I forgot about the dog. I carried on walking.

TJam chuckled in a You've Been Framed kind of way and said, "Serves you right!" in a not very nice kind of way.

So the next time I saw a dog, know what I did? I barked right at it. I resolve only to respond to positive reinforcement from now on.

Curly Fries

- by TJam

I love them. Yum.

And I have found a place that sells them*

Hooray.

* This is an actual photo of my actual lunch.

The Camera Lies

- by Beanz

Humans avert your eyes. The camera lies. I did not roll in fox poo. I do not need a bath. I repeat I do not... what's that sponge? What's that bucket? It's an optical illusion I tell you!

I AM CLEAN!!

Smell how clean I am!

Cut to the Quick

- by Beanz

And no, I am not talking about me being offended by people pointing out my grey silvery bits on my chest and chin.

I mean that TJam was clipping my claws and she actually did cut my quick. I made sure there was plenty of blood so she would feel suitably ashamed. It hurt a bit at the time, but I was well enough to eat a chew and let her clip my other claws.

Here I am, milking my audience. Chips tried to get in on the act with her, "I'm so cute, look at me lifting my injured paw" routine.
But surely no one is going to fall for that.

Quid Pro Quo

- by TJam

Well, I had happily booked a new experience. Outdoor theatre to wish Mum a happy birthday and thank her for keeping my house and 3 animals in tact during my weekend away.

And so we togged up and got a blanket to sit on and a picnic and set off for the walled garden for "chuckles and chills" of the Hound of the Baskerville...

When we arrived at the carpark, there were only 3 other cars there, even though there were only 10 minutes to curtain.

So before we paid £1.50 for parking I checked the ticket.

Why would I have bought 2 tickets for the Sunday evening when I didn't know what time I would return home from a weekend away? And why, in my mind, had I bought tickets for the Monday evening?

No matter. I had bought tickets for the day before, yet we were standing there, the day after, picnic and cushions in hand...

So, Mum nearly killed my dog, and I nearly gave her a birthday present but didn't. It turned out the surprise present was as much as a surprise to me as it was to her. Are we equal?

Or am I just a fool?

Good News or Bad News?

- by TJam

When you have been away for the weekend, it is quite a jolt to hear your (lovely and very appreciated) house and animal sitter say, "Do you want the good news first, or the bad news?"

In true, optomistic style, I opted for the bad news first.

But first you need to know Rules of the House
1. You shall close the stairgate when the dogs are unattended (see here)
2. You shall not leave food items without a cupboard, especially not dark chocolate, which I think we have mentioned, is poisonous to dogs.

"Well," said my lovely housesitter, who we shall call "Mum" for the purpose of this story. I nipped up the shops and I forgot to close the stairgate. Um. I had some dark chocolate in my bedroom.

So what was the good news?

Well, this time, it was only two and a half times a fatal dose, which is really small fry compared with last time. and it was caught in good time and not 6 hours later.

"Mum" had recognised the MO and Beanz and Carlsberg were immediately dismissed as suspects. Not an item of clothing was creased, and yet a bar of chocolate had disappeared from inside its "good as new" wrapper from the bottom of a suitcase. There was only one guilty party in the running.

Luckily, Nero's pal drove a transportless "mum" and Chips to PetMedics, the after hours vet where our vet-phobic canine friend spent an hour in the surgery, throwing up. Ah, the miracles of modern medicine. When they checked in, the vet asked, "Does a cat called Carlsberg live at that residence?"

The shame.

Chips came home none the worse for wear. If a little hungrier.

And so, there is lots of good news. Chips has survived her 2nd bout of chocolate poisoning. I will be updating my info-sheet for future dog-sitters.

And no one will ever leave food not in a cupboard again.

PS I had a good weekend away, if you were wondering. All the better for coming home to the 3 living pets I left on Friday ;)

PPS My first question was, "Did you get a photo?" but Mum is not a professional blogger, and put Chips's health as her first priority.

My Impression of...

- by Carlsberg.

Can you guess who it is yet?

Yes, Bob Carolgees and Spit the dog.

KWWWWIIIIIPPPPP TTTTAAAHHH

Pot of Gold

- by Chips

I was almost the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Just not quite.

Great Start

-by TJam

With a start to the day like this, things can only get better...

Respect - Trainers - Earth

Dear Carlsberg

Whilst searching for the source of a cat-wee smell (which turned out to be my trainers) I found some feline cat paw shaped marks in Steven Patrick's earth and some distinct "covering up of wee" mounds. As you know, Steven Patrick is a 19 year old Cheese Plant and winner of Zoe Ball's Breakfast Show Honours List "Listener of the Year" award 1999. I think that using his pot as a litter tray is a bit disrespectful, even if it doesn't smell.

Please could you use the £4.49/10 litre ethically sourced wood pellets in your tray, or better still... GO OUTSIDE. WHAT DO YOU THINK THE CATFLAP AND CATPROOF GARDEN IS FOR?!!? I used up a Christmas and birthday present for the catproofing, so I don't think a bit of appreciation is too much to ask for. Do you?

Love from TJam.

PS I am sorry I blamed you for the trainers. I didn't know trainers could smell like cat wee.

Unless....

You haven't.

Have you?

What's a Mini Trampoline For?

by Beanz

I have discovered a better use for a mini trampoline: Very comfy.

Sunny Days

- by Beanz

Yes, we have actually had a couple of sunny days. Last week it was. During our walk, Chips and I had a little sit down in the long grass.

And miraculously, TJam managed to take a half decent picture of my where I don't look completely dopey.

Quiet weekend

- by Beanz

This weekend we went to the park with Bamgee. I found a lovely blue plastic bottle for a game.

We ignored the extreme frisbee players in the background and I managed to stay away from the picnickers. Bamgee plays a mean game of blue plastic bottle tug.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom!

- by Carlsberg

It's all been going on around here. As you know, I have been incarcerated in the house for the last 7 months. For my own safety apparently.

So, TJam's dad came up and put some spectacular netting around our fence to keep me in and my mortal enemies out. It took him 2 weeks!

And here we have it, my first minute of freedom:When TJam home from work, she found me basking in the waste honeysuckle, waiting to go in the green bin.
And finally a short film to express my joy:

Fairies are Real

- by Chips

We have the proof!

A couple of weeks ago we went to the beach. First of all, Beanz went running into what she thought was some water. It was some thick, muddy sand type stuff. She wasn't impressed.

Then, just as we were coming home, we found evidence of fairies. Look! They have left their little high-heeled footprints in the sand.

Going cheap

This weekend we have mostly been doing this in the glorious sun:
In other news, we have been a bit lax posting recently. Firstly TJam's parents came to stay and then TJam hurt her eye for a bit (it is fine, she was just milking it) and then she just got lazy with the uploading photos thing. We've nipped her into action now though.

Anyway, at a school the other day, TJam was walking down this walkway, and someone said, "Look up!" And when she looked closely, TJam saw these two chicks who had been born in the hanging basket. We could not say it is a quiet part of the school, but the chicks did very well and have since, quite literally, flown the nest.

Ain't nature great?!

Emergency Pants

- by TJam

emergency pants n spare pair of old and tatty pants that are purposely kept at the back of the cupboard in case you run out of good pants.

I had to dig into the back of the cupboard the other day. My mum had put my washing away for me (thank you Mum!) but unbeknownst to me had made use of the airing cupboard* so I thought I didn't have any good pants left.

Why don't we put a spare pair of good pants in the back of the cupboard. The kind that we don't mind getting run over in, in case the hospital staff see and judge us by our pants while they're fighting to save our life.

* airing cupboard n the place where the hot water tank is where people who can be bothered put clothes in between the time they spend on the washing line and going into the cupboard.
TJam: (shouted) "Have you seen my socks?"
Mum: (shouted back a bit annoyed) "They're in the airing cupboard"
(There may be an extra step in between the line and the cupboard called ironing**)

** ironing n doing the - pushing an electrically heated piece of metal over your crinkled clothes to get the crinkles out. Apparently.